I step into the hospital room. Day is alert, propped up on pillows and startlingly healthier than the times I’ve seen him lying unconscious and wan over the past few months. But something is different now. Day’s eyes follow me without a hint of familiarity in them; he’s watching me with the polite, wary distance of a stranger, the way he looked at me when we first met.
He doesn’t know who I am.
My heart aches, pulling at me as I draw closer to his bedside. I know what I have to do.
“Hi,” he says when I sit on his bed. His eyes wander curiously across my face.
“Hi,” I reply softly. “Do you know who I am?”
Day looks guilty, which only digs the knife in deeper. “Should I?”
It takes all of my effort not to cry, to bear the thought that Day has forgotten everything between us—our night together, the ordeals we’ve been through, all that we’ve shared and lost. We have been erased from his memory, leaving nothing behind. The Day that I knew is not here.
I could tell him right now, of course. I could remind him of who I am, that I’m June Iparis, the girl he had once saved on the streets and fallen in love with. I could tell him everything, just like Dr. Kann said, and it could possibly trigger his old memories. Tell him, June. Just tell him. You’ll be so happy. It’d be so easy.
But I open my mouth and no sound comes out. I can’t do it.
Be good to him, Tess had told me. Promise.
So long as I remain in Day’s life, I will hurt him. Any other alternative is impossible. I think of the way he had crouched, sobbing, at his family’s kitchen table, mourning what I had taken away from him. Now fate has handed the solution to me on a silver platter—Day survived his ordeal, and in return, I need to step out of his life. Even though he looks at me now like a stranger, he no longer has the look of pain and tragedy that always seemed to come with the passion and love he gazed at me with. Now he is free.
He is free of us, leaving me as the only bearer of our past’s burden.
So I swallow hard, smile, and bow my head to him. “Day,” I force myself to say, “it’s good to meet you. I was sent by the Republic to see how you’re doing. It’s wonderful to see you awake again. The country is going to rejoice when they hear the good news.”
Day nods politely in return, his tenseness unmistakable. “Thank you,” he says warily. “The doctors tell me that I’ve been out for five months. What happened?”
“You were injured during a battle between the Republic and the Colonies,” I reply. Everything I’m saying sounds like it’s coming from someone else’s mouth. “You saved your brother Eden.”
“Is Eden here?” Day’s eyes light up with recognition, and a beautiful smile blossoms on his face. The sight of it brings me pain even as I am happy that he remembers his brother. I want so much to see that look of familiarity on his face when he’s talking about me.
“Eden will be so happy to see you. The doctors are sending for him, so he’ll arrive shortly.” I return his smile, and this time it’s a genuine one, if bittersweet. When Day studies my face again, I close my eyes and bow slightly to him.
It’s time to let go.
“Day,” I say, carefully choosing what my final words to him should be. “It has been such a privilege and honor to fight by your side. You’ve saved many more of us than you’ll ever know.” For a small moment, I fix my eyes on his, telling him silently everything that I’ll never say to him aloud. “Thank you,” I whisper. “For everything.”
Day looks puzzled by the emotion in my voice, but he bows his head in return. “The honor’s mine,” he replies. My heart breaks in sorrow at the lack of warmth in his voice, the warmth I know I would have heard had he remembered everything. I feel the absence of the aching love that I’ve come to yearn for, that I wanted so much to earn. It is gone now.
If he knew who I was, I would say something else to him now, something I should’ve said to him more often when I had the chance. Now I am sure of my feelings, and it’s too late. So I fold the three words back into my heart, for his sake, and rise from his bed. I soak in every last, wonderful detail of his face and store it in my memory, hoping I can take him with me wherever I go. We exchange quiet salutes.
Then I turn away for the last time.
* * *
Two weeks later, what feels like the entire city of Los Angeles turns out to see Day leave the country for good. On the morning I left Day’s bedside, Antarctica came calling for both him and his brother. They’d taken note of Eden’s gifted touch with engineering and offered him a place in one of their academies. At the same time, they offered Day the chance to go along.
I don’t join the crowds. I stay in my apartment instead, watching the events unfold while Ollie sleeps contentedly beside me. The streets around my complex are teeming with people, all jostling with one another to watch the JumboTrons. Their muffled chaos turns into white noise as I watch it unfold on my screen.
DANIEL ALTAN WING AND BROTHER TO LEAVE TONIGHT FOR ROSS CITY, ANTARCTICA
That’s what the headlines say. On the screen, Day waves at the people gathered around his apartment as he and Eden are escorted to a jeep by a city patrol. I should call him Daniel, like the screen does. Perhaps he truly is just Daniel now, with no need for an alias anymore. I look on as he lets his brother get into the vehicle, and then follows, lost completely from view. It’s so strange, I think to myself as my hand moves absently across Ollie’s fur. Not long ago, the city patrols would have arrested him on sight. Now, he’s leaving the Republic as their champion, to be celebrated and remembered for a lifetime.