I remember Baxter’s arm around Tess’s neck; my temper flares again, and suddenly I feel a need to guard Tess the way I did back on the streets. “Hey, cousin,” I say softly. “I’m really sorry about what I said to you. About . . . you know.”
Tess’s blush deepens.
I struggle to find the right words. “You don’t need me to take care of you,” I say with an embarrassed laugh, then tap her nose once. “I mean, you’ve probably fussed over me a thousand times. I’ve always needed your help more than you’ve needed mine.”
Tess draws closer and lowers her eyes shyly, a gesture that helps me forget my troubles. Sometimes I forget how nice Tess’s steady devotion is, a rock I could always lean on during the worst of times. Even though our days in Lake were a struggle, right now they seem so much simpler. I catch myself wishing we could go back to that, sharing scraps of food and whatever else we could scrounge up. If June were here, what would’ve happened? She probably would’ve attacked Baxter herself. And she probably would’ve done a hell of a better job than I did, just like everything else. She wouldn’t have needed me at all.
Tess’s hand lingers on my chest, but she’s not checking for bruises anymore. I become aware of how close she is. Her eyes wander back up to mine, large and liquid brown . . . and unlike June’s, so easy to read. The image of June kissing the Elector pops into my mind again, a recollection that twists in my stomach like a knife. Before I can think about anything else, Tess leans forward and presses her lips against mine. My mind is blank, completely taken aback. A brief tingle runs through me.
In my numbness, I let her linger.
Then I wrench away. My palms break out in a cold sweat. What was that? I should have seen this coming and stopped myself right away. I put my hands on her shoulders. When I see the hurt pass across her eyes, I realize just how big of a mistake I’ve made.
“I can’t, Tess.”
Tess blows out an irritated breath. “What, are you married to June now?”
“No. I just . . .” My words flitter away, sad and powerless. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that—at least, not now.”
“What about the fact that June is kissing the Elector? What about that? Are you really going to be so loyal to someone you don’t even have?”
June, always June. I hate her for a moment, and wonder if everything would’ve been better if we’d never met. “This isn’t about June,” I say. “June is playing a role, Tess.” I edge away from Tess until we’re separated by a good foot. “I’m not ready for this to happen between us. You’re my best friend—I don’t want to mislead you when I don’t even know what I’m doing.”
Tess throws up her hands in indignation. “You kiss random girls on the street without a second thought. But you won’t even—”
“You’re not a random girl on the street,” I snap. “You’re Tess.”
Her eyes flash at me and she takes her frustration out on her lip, biting it so hard that she draws blood. “I don’t understand you, Day.” Each word hits me with measured force. “I don’t understand you at all, but I’m going to try to help you anyway. Can you really not see how your precious June has changed your life?”
I shut my eyes and press both hands against my temples. “Stop.”
“You think you’re in love with a girl you’ve known for less than a month, a girl who—who’s responsible for your mother’s death? For John’s?”
Echoes of what she’d said to me in the bunker room. “Damn it, Tess. It wasn’t her fault—”
“Wasn’t it?” Tess spits out. “Day, they shot your mother because of June! But you act like you love her? I’ve done nothing but help you—I have been at your side ever since the day we met. You think I’m being childish? Well, I don’t care. I’ve never said a word about the other girls you’ve been with, but I can’t bear to watch you choose a girl who has done nothing but hurt you. Has June even apologized to you for what happened, has she had to work for your forgiveness? What’s the matter with you?” At my silence, she puts her hand on my arm. “Well, do you love her?” she says more quietly. “Does she love you?”
Love her? I’d told her so in that Vegas bathroom, and I’d meant it. But she didn’t say it back, yeah? Maybe she never felt the same way—maybe I’m just deluding myself. “I don’t know, okay?” I reply. My words sound angrier than I actually am.
Tess is trembling. Now she nods, silently takes the ice pack from my side, and buttons my shirt back up. The chasm between us widens. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to reach the other side again. “You should be fine,” she says in a monotone as she turns her back on me. She stops in front of the door, her back to me. “Trust me, Day. I’m saying this for your sake. June will break your heart. I can see it already. She’ll shatter you into a million pieces.”
PIERRA’S OLAN COURT HALL.
SOMETIME AROUND 0900 HOURS.
29°F OUTSIDE.
THE DAY HAS FINALLY ARRIVED FOR ANDEN’S ASSASSINATION, and I have three hours before the Patriots make their move.
The night before, I had another visit from the same guard who had once given me a message from the Patriots. “Good work,” she whispered in my ear as I lay in bed, wide awake. “Tomorrow you’ll be pardoned by the Elector and his Senators, and they’ll release you at Pierra’s Olan Court Hall. Now, listen closely. When you’re all finished at the court hall, the Elector’s jeeps will escort all of you back to Pierra’s main military quarters. The Patriots will be waiting along that route.”