He changed position so he could watch her. "Alright." Coffee wasn't part of the Psy meal plan, but he'd become used to it since his defection. While waiting for Brenna to prepare the drink, he did as directed and worked through their conversation. It would've gone faster had he not kept getting distracted by the sight of her moving with feminine efficiency mere meters away. The sway of her h*ps was - "Don't I ever want to lick a woman all up?"
She squeaked, then swiveled to face him, bracing her hands on the counter behind her. "Not quite how I would've put it." Her tone was higher than normal. "But yeah."
"You," he said quietly, no longer able to lie. "You tempt me."
"Oh." Her br**sts rose up as she took a deep, shuddering breath. "You've never let on."
Yes, he had. If she ever saw the way he watched her when she wasn't looking, she'd be in no doubt as to the strength of his unacceptable reaction to her. "Because it doesn't matter," he told her. "It changes nothing."
"Liar." She stared at him unblinking. "Other Psy don't feel desire."
"It's a major fracture in my conditioning," he acknowledged - to her and to himself. "A fracture I intend to repair." What he couldn't understand was why it had reappeared so quickly after the work he'd done to close it yesterday. He should've been immune to the sweet seduction of her body.
"Then what? You forget temptation?"
"Yes."
Eyes full of fire, she turned her back to him and continued with the coffee preparation. "You know that list about you? I should've added pigheaded to it."
Her anger fascinated him as much as every one of her other emotions. And admitting that brought him another hazardous step closer to the edge of a catastrophic breach. The dissonance spiked and this time he listened, because for him, the pain wasn't simply a warning to get his emotions under control, it was a warning to get his ability under control.
His power wasn't passive, wouldn't turn inward if he lost his white-fisted grip on it. No, it would go outward, would seek to tear flesh and crush fragile feminine bones. "Don't you ever wonder," he asked coldly, conscious that he was assassinating any chance he had with her, "if you're attracted to me because of what Enrique did?"
This time, she stopped what she was doing and stalked over to stare down at him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
He rose to his feet. "He was Psy. So am I. He hurt you. Maybe you want to cancel out that experience with a positive one."
Her fists were bloodless skin over bone, her jaw set. "Unlike you, I don't think through every one of my actions. I behave according to my emotions."
He stood toe to toe with her, almost able to feel the psychic wave of her fury. "This time, that's not enough. You need to examine the reasons behind those emotions."
She blew out a frustrated breath. "And if I was looking for some kind of validation that not all Psy are evil monsters, would you be able to give it to me?"
"I can't give you emotional absolution." He might damage her even further. "I can't give you the kind of a relationship you need to heal."
"Heal? I'm not a damaged thing you have to put back together. I put myself back together!" She slammed her hand against her heart.
"But you haven't been in close contact with any male outside of your safe circle since the rescue." Except him. And under no circumstances could he have her.
"So you really meant what you said to me yesterday?" Her voice rose. "I should find myself a nice wolf and settle down?"
He fought off the rising incursions of dissonance, the razor blades sliding through his brain stem and traveling down his spine. "That would be rushing things."
"Oh, I see. You think I should f**k someone to get over my bad experience." The coarse words shotgunned from her lips like bullets. "No, wait, it's Psy men I'm apparently worried about. So maybe you're the one I should - "
"Don't say it." His fingers were gripping her chin though he had no memory of putting them there. "Don't," he repeated when she opened her mouth.
She held his gaze. "Why? That's what you just tried to reduce us to."
"There is no 'us,' Brenna." There couldn't be, not if he wanted her to live the life she deserved. "For some reason, you're attracted to me. And yes," he said when it looked like she was going to respond with another burst of red-hot anger, "I'm tempted by you. But that means nothing."
"How can you say that?" She closed her hand over his wrist but didn't attempt to break his hold. "Look at yourself. You don't react like this to anyone else. Only me."
"I know. And if I keep reacting like this, I'll end up killing either you or another innocent." Releasing her chin, he stepped back.
"Kill someone?" Stunned incomprehension wiped away the red flush of her temper. "Why are you worried about that?"
Heading to the door, he grabbed his jacket and shoved on the boots he'd removed earlier. "Go to bed."
"Judd!" She stamped her foot. "Walking away isn't going to solve anything."
He pulled open the door and strode out into the cold. Small flakes of snow fell on his hair and the wind burned across his unprotected face, but he barely noticed, his mind still in the cabin. Tonight, he'd come shockingly close to breaking Silence and feeling anger of the most violent kind. The anger of a Tk with his subset of powers wasn't normal in any sense - he'd found that out as a ten-year-old boy standing over another child's corpse.