"Holding you." He breathed in the scent of her, tangling one hand in the curls at her waist. "I thought you were dying. You can't die."
As if she understood the anguish he'd gone through, she placed a slender hand hesitantly against his chest and tucked her head under his chin. "I think I was in a deep sleep state. My body is now functioning normally."
"What happened?"
"I don't know."
"I can smell a lie." He felt her tremble in his arms and every protective urge he had surged to the surface. "Speak to me, darling."
"I'll help you," she whispered. "I'll help you find the killer, give you everything I have."
There was a depth of conviction in her voice that hadn't been there earlier. "Why?"
"I have to be at my apartment by noon," she said, in place of an answer. "That was when I told Mother I'd be back from a trip to see an out-of-town architect with you."
"We'll get you there." He squeezed her tight, feeding the need in him, the need for her. "Tell me what happened. I'm not going to stop asking."
"I lost control of my body," she said softly. "I've been having problems for months. They always passed without major incident, but this time, it was like my entire system short-circuited. I headed for your lands because I thought I'd be safe from Psy eyes there."
"You need to be seen by a doctor."
"No." She shook her head. "No one can know that I'm starting to crack."
"It sounds like a physical problem, not a mental one."
"It isn't. I... felt things, Lucas. Things that drove me to unconsciousness. This is coming from my mind." Her hand clenched against his chest. "If they find out..."
He wasn't happy with her not seeing a doctor but knew he had little choice if she'd made up her mind - he'd never had reason to track down a doctor who'd treat Psy patients in confidence. It was something he was going to make it his business to find out. "How're you feeling now?"
"Fine. But I want to shower."
"All right." He continued to hold her. Her hunger for touch was so strong, it tore at him. "Sascha, I know you're not like other Psy." It was time to get the truth out into the open.
Her hand slapped over his mouth. "Don't ever say that out loud. Ever. If you have any... care for me, don't even think it." Fear vibrated in her voice. "If anyone overhears, it'll mean my death."
He kissed the palm of her hand and watched the night sky of her eyes darken in confusion. She jerked the hand away. "You'll have to talk about it soon."
"I know." She sat up, pushing away from him. "I'm breaking apart, but before I do, I'll help you."
"Breaking apart?"
"Madness." Her voice was so soft, he almost didn't catch the word. "I'm going insane. There's no more hiding from it - I might as well go down in a blaze of glory." Her eyes met his. "Will you promise me one thing?"
"What do you want?"
"When the madness breaks me, I want you to kill me. Quickly, cleanly, without mercy."
His heart stopped. "No."
"You must," she said, her tone urgent. "If you don't, they'll turn me into the walking dead. Promise."
He had no intention of killing her. But he could prevaricate as well as the next feline. "I'll kill you if you give in to insanity." No matter what her fears, there was no hint of mental sickness in her. None. He would've smelled the acrid scent of decay where he only smelled life and hope.
Sascha walked into the living room after her shower and came face-to-face with a leopard male she had every reason to fear. "Hello, Dorian."
He stared at her with those eyes of such pure blue it was impossible to believe the darkness that lurked within. "You did something to me." It wasn't an accusation but a statement of fact. The anger she'd expected was there, but it was a simmering shadow deep inside, not directed at her.
"I don't know what I did, if I did anything," she told him, her heart in her throat. She'd convinced herself that she'd imagined the entire incident, that it had been part of the encroaching madness. But what if...?
Dorian touched her cheek with his fingertips. Not used to touch from anyone but Lucas, she flinched. His eyes narrowed and he dropped the hand. "No touching?"
"I'm not changeling." She knew it sounded cold but how else could she explain? "Something so easy for you is... difficult for me."
To her surprise, he reached out to cup her face between his palms as he looked down into her eyes. "I want to see inside you," he said. "I want to see if you have a heart, a soul."
"I wish you could, too." She wasn't so sure herself. Had it been burned out of her during conditioning?
"Dorian." Lucas's voice came from her back, startling her. There was a thread of warning in his tone but he didn't interrupt. Not that it mattered. His power was in the air he breathed, in the scent of his skin. He was alpha and she was starting to understand what that really meant.
"I wasn't hurting you, was I, Sascha?" Dorian dropped his hands.
She felt his need, his anguish, his guilt. Taking a step forward, she put a hesitant hand on his shoulder. "You only hurt yourself." The knot of his pain was tight and growing tighter every day. She worried it would explode if he didn't start letting it go. "Stop it, Dorian. Stop punishing yourself for a monster's crime."
His lashes swept down and when his eyes opened again, he let her see the bloody edge of the fury that drove him. "Not until he's dead. Then we'll talk about it."