"I don't want to. But, darling, I warned you before we were married that this is what my life is about."
"I know," Lara said, "but that was before. Now it's different. Everything has changed."
"Nothing has changed," Philip said gently, "except that I'm absolutely crazy about you, and when I go away, I'll miss you like the devil."
There was nothing Lara could say to that.
Philip was gone, and Lara had never known such loneli ness. In the middle of a meeting she would suddenly think about Philip and her heart would melt.
She wanted him to go on with his career, but she needed him with her. She thought of the wonderful times they had together, and of his arms around her, and his warmth and gentleness. She had never known she could love anyone so much. Philip telephoned her every day, but somehow it made the loneliness worse.
"Where are you, darling?"
"I'm still in Tokyo."
"How's the tour going?"
"Beautifully. I miss you."
"I miss you, too." Lara could not tell him how much she missed him.
"I leave for Hong Kong tomorrow and then..."
"I wish you'd come home." She regretted it the moment she said it.
"You know I can't."
There was a silence. "Of course not."
They talked for half an hour and when Lara put the receiver down, she was lonelier than ever. The time differences were maddening. Sometimes her Tuesday would be his Wednes day, and he would call in the middle of the night or in the early hours of the morning.
"How's Philip?" Keller asked.
"Fine. Why does he do it, Howard?"
"Why does he do what?"
"This tour of his. He doesn't have to do it. I mean, he certainly doesn't need the money."
"Whoa. I'm sure he's not doing it for the money. It's what he does, Lara."
The same words that Philip had used. She understood it intellectually, but not emotionally.
"Lara," Keller said, "you only married the man - you don't own him."
"I don't want to own him. I was just hoping that I was more important to him than..." She stopped herself in mid-sentence. "Never mind. I know I'm being silly."
Lara telephoned William Ellerbee.
"Are you free for lunch today?" Lara asked.
"I can make myself free," Ellerbee said. "Is anything wrong?"
"No, no. I just thought we should have a talk."
They met at Le Cirque.
"Have you talked to Philip lately?" Ellerbee asked.
"I talk to him every day."
"He's having a successful tour."
"Yes. "
Ellerbee said, "Frankly, I never thought Philip would get married. He's like a priest - dedicated to what he does. "
"I know" - Lara hesitated - "but don't you think he's traveling too much?"
"I don't understand."
"Philip has a home now. There's no reason for him to be running all over the world." She saw the expression on Ellerbee's face. "Oh, I don't mean he should just stay in New York. I'm sure you could arrange concerts for him in Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles. You know...where he wouldn't have to travel so far from home."
Ellerbee said carefully, "Have you discussed this with Philip?"
"No. I wanted to talk to you first. It would be possible, wouldn't it? I mean, Philip doesn't need the money, not anymore."
"Mrs. Adler, Philip makes thirty-five thousand dollars a performance. Last year he was on tour for forty weeks."
"I understand, but..."
"Do you have any idea how few pianists make it to the top, or how hard they have to struggle to get there? There are thousands of pianists out there, playing their fingers to the bone, and there are only about four or five superstars. Your husband is one of them. You don't know much about the concert world. The competition is murderous. You can go to a recital and see a soloist on the stage dressed in tails, looking prosperous and glamorous, but when he gets off that stage, he can barely afford to pay his rent or buy a decent meal. It took Philip a long time to become a world class pianist. Now you're asking me to take that away from him."
"No, I'm not. I'm merely suggesting..."
"What you're suggesting would destroy his career. You don't really want to do that, do you?"
"Of course not," Lara said. She hesitated. "I understand that you get fifteen percent of what Philip earns."
"That's right."
"I wouldn't want you to lose anything if Philip gave fewer concerts," Lara said carefully. "I'd be glad to make up the difference and..."
"Mrs. Adler, I think this is something you should discuss with Philip. Shall we order?"
Chapter Twenty-seven
Liz Smith's column read: "IRO N BUTTERFLY ABOUT TO GET HER WINGS CLIPPED...What beautiful real estate tycoon is about to hit her penthouse roof when she learns that a book about her, written by a former employee, is going to be published by Candlelight Press? The word is that it's going to be hot! Hot! Hot!"
Lara slammed the newspaper down. It had to be Gertrude Meeks, the secretary she had fired! Lara sent for Jerry Town send. "Have you seen Liz Smith's column this morning?"
"Yes, I just read it. There isn't much we can do about it, boss. If you..."
"There's a lot we can do. All my employees sign an agreement that they will not write anything about me dur ing or after their employment here. Gertrude Meeks has no right to do this. I'm going to sue the publisher for all he's worth."
Jerry Townsend shook his head. "I wouldn't do that."