"I know," Bernard said. His arm tightened on her gently.
"If I'd known what he intended... I don't know if I could have... I couldn't have made myself a part of that."
"I know," Bernard said. "So did he."
"What have I done?" Amara whispered. "I betrayed my oath."
"He lied to you, Amara," Bernard said.
"He never-"
"He deceived you," Bernard said, his tone brooking no dissent. "He chose words he knew would give you the wrong idea to get what he wanted out of you. He knew what he was doing. He knew how you would react. He accepted it."
Amara pressed her cheek against his chest. "He knew about us. That I'd broken the law."
"Amara," Bernard chided, his tone softening, "the First Lords worked out years ago that outlawing marriage among certain personnel is probably the worst thing they could do actually to discourage it. We handled it just as it's done in the Legions. We were discreet and still performed our duties. In return, he overlooked it. Good commanders always handle it that way."
True enough. She'd thought through the logic, tracked down the motivations, the reason, the simple calculation of the entire situation.
And then the rest of it hit her.
She found herself shuddering against Bernard's chest, weeping. His arms slid around her, pulling her more tightly against him, and she sobbed harder. It was too much, too much. The weeks of toil and danger. The horrible destruction at journey's end. She could still see the tiny, helpless figures, hopelessly running from a fiery death.
And without her help, it could not have happened.
How could Gaius have done that to her?
It hurt. Oh, it hurt. She had trusted him.
Just as she had trusted Fidelias.
She wept against her husband's chest, feeling miserable and foolish for doing it, and found herself unable to stop for several minutes. By the time she did, she felt emptied out, heavy, lassitude beginning to seep into her thoughts.
Bernard kissed her hair gently, simply present.
"What am I going to do?" she whispered. "I've never done anything else."
"I know a place you could go," Bernard replied. "It's a little rough, but there are good people there. There's a man there who has a lot of folk to care for. He could use the help of an intelligent, courageous, and talented woman."
She tightened her arms around him, just soaking up the warmth of him. "Yes?"
"Mmmmm. Countess Calderon. It suits you. And I've wanted to see you in my colors since..."
"Since when?"
"Since I bandaged your ankle," he replied.
"I suppose I'd need some clothes," she said sleepily. "Dresses, perhaps. I've never owned more than one."
"I can afford them," he said.
"I'd never thought about doing this," she said. "Being a wife."
"A wife with a great many hostile wind furies about," Bernard said. "Not to mention a full military garrison to help oversee. I'm afraid there won't be much time for knitting."
"I'm terrible at knitting," she replied with a yawn. "Well. Except for a mail coat, once."
"We can hire someone for knitting, then." He kissed her forehead. "I've hoped we could be together. Actually together."
"So have I," Amara whispered. "I just never thought it would happen."
"With the rebellion over," Bernard said, "there's bound to be better times ahead. It will be a good time to settle down. Maybe even start a family. We'll finally have time to try again."
Amara smiled. "Mmmm. A good wife embraces even the most tedious chores."
Bernard murmured, "Oh, really?" He moved his hand.
Amara's breath caught in her throat as her heat sped up. "Aren't you tired?"
Evidently, he wasn't.
Isana watched Gaius depart the improvised command building from her chambers in the small, restored home across the ruined street. He took to the air and vanished, all in the same motion, as if he had simply become the wind. No more than a handful of people even saw him leave.
"He had the document case with him," she reported quietly.
"Tavi guessed correctly," Araris said. He stood in her doorway, watching her.
Isana turned, glancing uneasily down at the gown she wore-dark, muted shades of scarlet and blue, a sedate gown suitable for the widow of one Prin-ceps and mother of another, and it was quite the most expensive dress she had ever owned. A makeshift wardrobe in the room held several other outfits every bit as costly, and much more suitable for the Princeps Matron than her simple grey dress. The outfits had been a gift from "Free Alera," which Isana suspected in this case meant Varg and his young Aleran aide de camp, Durias.
"I almost wish he hadn't been right," she murmured. "Over the sea. Surrounded by Canim. Facing the Vord."
"Perhaps," Araris said. "Perhaps not. Personally, I'm glad. I couldn't protect him here. Not against the kind of people who will want him dead."
"I understand the reasoning behind it." Isana sighed. "And I know he's developed into something far more than the boy I raised, and that he has obligations and duties, Araris, but crows take it, he's still my boy. I hate to see him go so far from home."
"My lady," Araris said, gently mocking sternness, "a woman of your station should not curse."
Isana gave him a level look, and the swordsman smiled in reply. "I'll watch over him."
She couldn't help but return the smile a little. "You always have."
His smile faded. "It's you I'm worried about," he said. "The First Lord is sure to summon you to the capital to help rally support for Octavian. And Lady Aquitaine isn't going to like that."
Isana waved an unconcerned hand. "She'll adjust. She's practical in that way."
"I'm serious, Isana," Araris said. "You're going to be in danger."
"When have I not been?" she asked, and she heard the uncharacteristic note of sharpness in her voice. "Honestly, Araris? I've lived my whole life afraid, and I'm sick to death of it."
Araris frowned at her, folding his arms.
"Somewhere out there are men and women who would gladly conspire to murder my son," she continued in the same tone. "They may well be many of the same souls responsible for murdering my husband." The sudden rage inside her almost seemed to force her chin up, and her words came out crisply bitten. "I won't have it."
Araris's eyebrows climbed.