"What's the difference?" I demanded. "Elaine is hurt. Your Emissary has been wounded in the line of duty. Don't you think you should get her moving again?"
"But if that is what Winter expects, it could be used against me. I am the least Queen of Summer, but even so I must be cautious in the use of my power."
I snorted. "Maeve sure as hell doesn't think that way."
"Of course not," she said. "She's Winter. She's violent, vicious, merciless."
"And your centaur is just the soul of gentleness and understanding."
Aurora sighed and lowered her clay-crusted fingers. "I hope you will forgive Korrick's temper. He is usually a merrier sort. Everyone's been edgy because of matters here."
"Uh-huh," I said. "Just so we're clear, that was really mortal food, wasn't it?"
"Yes," she said. "I have no desire to threaten your freedom, Mister Dresden, or to bind you in any way."
"Good." I knew she couldn't lie to me, so I took another bite of the sandwich and some more chips. "Look, I'm not here to try to undermine your power or sabotage Summer, Aurora. I just want you to help Elaine."
"I know," she said. "I believe you. But I don't trust you."
"What reason do you have not to trust me?"
"I've watched you," she responded. "You're a mercenary. You work for hire."
"Yeah. To pay the bills and - "
She lifted a hand. "You've made bargains with demons."
"Nickel-and-dime stuff, nothing huge or - "
"You traded yourself to the Leanansidhe for power."
"When I was younger, and a hell of a lot stupider, and in trouble - "
Her inhuman eyes met mine, penetrating. "You've killed."
I looked away from her. There wasn't much to say to that. My stomach turned, and I pushed the food a bit away from me.
Aurora nodded, slowly. "From the beginning, you have been meant to be a destroyer. A killer. Do you know the original purpose of a godparent, Mr. Dresden?"
"Yeah," I said. I felt tired. "A godparent was chosen to ensure that a child had religious and moral guidance and teaching."
"Indeed," she said. "And your godmother, your teacher and guide, is the most vicious creature of Mab's Court, more than Maeve's equal, second in strength only to Mab herself."
I let out a harsh laugh. "Teacher? Guide? Is that what you think Lea is to me?"
"Isn't she?"
"Lea barely noticed me except when she thought she could get something from me," I spat. "The rest of the time she couldn't care less. The only thing she taught me was that if I didn't want to get walked on I had to be smarter than her, stronger than her, and willing to do something about it."
Aurora turned her lovely face fully toward me and regarded me with deep, quiet eyes. "Yes." Unease gnawed at my belly as she continued. "The strong conquer and the weak are conquered. That is Winter. That is what you have learned." She leaned closer and said, quietly emphatic, "That is what makes you dangerous. Do you see?"
I stood up and walked a few paces away. Aurora didn't say anything. I heard drips of water as she washed her hands in the little bowl.
"If you aren't going to help Elaine, tell me. I'll take her to the hospital."
"Do you think I should help her?"
"I don't give a damn if you do or not," I said. "But one way or another I'm going to make sure she's taken care of. Make up your mind."
"I already have. What remains is for you to make up yours."
I took a wary breath before asking, "Meaning?"
"Of the two people who entered this garden, Mister Dresden, Elaine is not the most grievously wounded. You are."
"Like hell. I've just got some cuts and bruises."
She rose and walked toward me. "Those aren't the wounds I mean." She reached out and laid a slender hand over my heart. Her skin was warm, even through my shirt, and the simple fact of her touch brought me a small but noticeable sense of comfort. Susan had been gone for months, and with the exception of the occasional assault, no one had actually touched me.
She looked up at me and nodded. "You see. You've been badly wounded, Mister Dresden, and you have found neither rest nor respite from your pains."
"I'll live."
"True," she said. "But this is where it always begins. Monsters are born of pain and grief and loss and anger. Your heart is full of them."
I shrugged. "And?"
"And it makes you vulnerable. Vulnerable to Mab's influence, to temptations that would normally be unthinkable."
"I'm handling temptation pretty damned well, thank you."
"But for how long? You need to heal, wizard. Let me help you."
I frowned at her, and at her hand. "How?"
Aurora gave me a small, sad smile. "I'll show you. Here."
Her palm pressed a bit closer to me, and somewhere inside me a dam broke open. Emotions welled up like a riotous rainbow. Scarlet rage, indigo fear, pale blue sadness, aching yellow loneliness, putrid green guilt. The tide flooded through me, coursed over me like a bolt of lightning, searing and painful and beautiful all at once.
And after the tide receded, a deep, quiet stillness followed. A sensation of warmth suffused me, gently easing away my aches and bruises. It spread over my skin, like sunlight on a lazy afternoon outside, and with the warmth my cares began to evaporate. My fear vanished, and I began to relax muscles I hadn't realized were stretched tight as the warmth spread. I floated in warmth for a time, the release from pain an ecstasy in itself.
When I came back to my senses, I was lying on my back on the grass, staring up at leaves and silver-starred sky. My head lay in Aurora's lap. She knelt behind me, and her hands rested lightly, warm and soft, along the sides of my face. The pain began to return to my body, thoughts, and heart, like some quiet and odious tide washing in garbage from a polluted sea. I heard myself make a small sound of protest.
Aurora looked down at me, her eyes concerned. "Worse even than I suspected. You didn't even realize how much pain you were in, did you?"
My chest heaved and I let out a quiet sob. The warmth faded entirely, and the sheer weight of the difficulties I had to face pressed down on me, suffocating me.
Aurora said, "Please, let me help you. We'll make it a bargain, Mr. Dresden. Desist. Relax your efforts to help Winter. Stay here for a time and let me grant you a measure of peace."