“This is not a real existence.”
She grips my arms and tries to shake me.
“I'm prepared to do that if it means I get to have you. That's all I want. You. The other stuff doesn't matter.” But it does. It always will. There will always be a sheet of glass between us. We can feel each other through it, but neither of us can cross. I cannot become human, she cannot become a noctalis. This was not a problem when she did not love me, and I did not adore her.
“We are not going to agree.” I pull her arms from mine with little effort and place them in her lap. I cannot watch her run into that clear wall anymore today. The want and desire and anger from her is too much. It spurs my own want and anger, and I worry I might hurt her. The smell of her blood floods the car and it is all I can do not to bite her.
“No, we're not.” A brief laugh bubbles out of her mouth. I am relieved. If she can laugh, even a little, that is progress. The fiery feelings of just a moment ago cool, and I am able to pull away.
“We should probably go home.” It doesn't escape my attention that she had called it home and not her home. But ours. It was true. She is my home. I had nowhere else I would ever need or want to go. Even if I want to kill her most of the time.
“I can drive now.” I get out of the car to give her the seat. Before she gets in, she reaches out and embraces me. She wipes her face on my shirt, drying her tears, leaving damp patches.
Chapter Thirteen
Ava
After the revelation that Peter can sort of read my mind, things calm down for a few days. I go back to school on Thursday to little fanfare. I'm hopelessly behind, but with my newfound resolve to live in the moment and not regret the past, I start catching up. Peter helps me with some extra credit math assignments, and starts reading aloud some of the books I needed to catch up on for English. Actually, he started reading aloud all of my books, including textbooks. Chemistry became waaayyyy more interesting when he was explaining it.
Mom's doing better. She has no episodes, and I call her several times a day while I'm in school to check up on her. She just laughs and says that she's glad for the solitude.
I go back to work at the bookstore and start putting money away for Jamie's Truck Makeover. Tex still thinks it's a lame idea, but I ignore her. She's still pestering me about the double date, but after I snap at her one night and tell her to leave it the *^$% alone, she does.
I'd spent two days trying to convince him to take me to see his friend, but he refused on the grounds that I needed to rest from our separation and he didn't want to make me sick by dragging me all the way to Florida in the middle of the night. No matter how much I begged and pleaded and protested and snarked at him, he wouldn't budge. I'd even tried giving him the silent treatment, but that had worked about as well as everything else. Meaning not at all.
Jamie's dad continues to be sober and less of an ass**le, so I take Jamie out to Miller's for breakfast on Saturday to celebrate. Of course Peter comes too, but Jamie doesn't know that. I felt the pull to be with him, even though he was just outside the restaurant in my car. It seemed our connection had gotten shorter.
Whereas before he could go at least a mile before I felt any effects, now he had to be within at least twenty feet for me to feel safe and comfortable. It sucked for me, but I felt ever worse for him. I had him on a really short leash. I tried to give him more blood to make up for it, but he refused. Such a martyr, that Peter.
****
There's a strange car in the driveway when we get home from Miller's and I instantly panic. My emotions are definitely getting the better of me lately. I can't blame Peter entirely, because 99 percent of the crazy feelings are mine.
“There's someone new in the house. A woman. She smells like honeysuckle and bricks.” I think for a moment, but then it clicks. There's only one person I know that smells like both of those things who drives a VW Bug.
“What's Aunt Jenny doing here?” Just as I'm getting out of the car, the door bursts open and a voice calls out across the porch. A voice I'd know even if I didn't have extra-sensitive hearing.
“Oh. My. God. Is that a boy in your car?” Jenny stands on the porch, hand shading her eyes, staring at Peter. Oh dear. I wasn't prepared to make yet another introduction. At least Aj is way cooler than Dad. It was a wonder they were related at all.
I give him a look and he gives me a blink. Guess he's okay with it. “Yeah, it is. His name's Peter,” I yell back. I don't think too hard about the reason she's here. I've been emailing her at least once a week for years, but I haven't actually seen her in months. It doesn't take a rocket scientist (or a noctalis) to figure out what she's doing here. I just wish I would have had some warning.
“Well, get him on up here, I want to meet him!” She windmills her arms as if she can draw us up the porch just by force. This is one of the many reasons I love this woman. Suddenly this day looks like it might not suck so much. It had started out not sucking. But I shouldn't count my chickens. She hasn't met Peter yet.
“Hey Aj,” I say, leaping into her waiting arms. Other than my mother, she's the most easy person on the planet to hug. Aj's taller than me, but somehow we make the hug work and her arms go around my back and I feel safe. If only for a second.
“How are you doing?” Her words are barely a whisper, but I know Peter hears them. I pull back and she studies my face. The way she does it reminds me of Peter. As if she's looking down into the well of my soul. Searching for coins or sparkling things.
“I'm...” I struggle to find the right word. The thing is, there is no right word. “I don't know. Trying.” It's true. I was trying. But failing most of the time. She holds my face in her hands and kisses my cheek, like a blessing. I feel Peter behind me. He'd stayed back a bit to give us some privacy. Because he was considerate like that.
My chest starts to feel tight and it's hard to breathe.
“Aj, this is Peter. Peter, this is my Aunt Jenny.” She turns me so that she can keep her arm around me. Her fingers dig into my shoulder. This is not a good sign. I feel her fear. For the first time since I hugged her, I smell her blood. It's sweeter than Dad's. If I'm categorizing the smell of blood. Which I'm totally not. I try holding my breath.
“Nice to meet you, Peter.” She says his name as if she's unsure. The hand that's not holding onto me sticks out, waiting for a handshake. Here we go.
“It is nice to meet another part of Ava's family.” Human hand, meet noctalis hand. I feel her flinch all the way through her body. A worse sign. She's got noctalis radar. Big time.