"Stupid child," she muttered, pacing her room, waiting for the last of the sun's rays to die. "I will skin him alive, if they don't," she muttered.
I sat up in bed, my head woozy from nearly nothing in my stomach. "What are you going to do Halina? He's too far away..." Wherever he'd gone, it had taken him a good chunk of the afternoon to get there before nightfall. She couldn't run that far, and return before sunup.
She growled and when she spoke, her voice warbled, like she was holding back her own tears. "I will dig a hole in the desert if I have to, but I'm not letting him continue this foolishness without me." I heard her resume pacing, all the whole muttering, "Supposed to wait...stupid...foolish...idiot...did I teach him nothing...men..."
I sighed and fell back to the pillows, exhausted. My stomach grumbled loudly and Alanna blurred to standing. "Oh, Emma. I'm so sorry," Her face couldn't have looked any more apologetic. "I forgot to make you and Jack something to eat. I'm so sorry."
She blurred from the room but I called after her. "It's okay, Alanna, you don't need to wait on me. Besides, I really couldn't have handled food today anyway."
I knew the second the sun set, and not because Imogen grabbed my hand and walked with me down the stairs to the kitchen. No, I knew because Halina hauled ass out of the house. She was gone so fast, I stumbled with my step. The sense of her blurring away that quickly was disorienting. She streaked towards where our senses pointed out Teren. And she was letting it out, running faster than I'd ever felt her move.
Feeling somewhat better, now that he had a more substantial backup on the way than Hot Ben, someone who could stop him from doing anything too stupid, and hopefully get there before anyone did anything to him, I relaxed my fear as I sat down to a huge, refreshing cup of plasma beside a huge plate of pasta. Well, I slightly relaxed. I didn't completely relax until the next morning.
I wasn't sure what time it was, but I knew it was early in the morning, a few hours after dawn maybe. I'd had trouble falling asleep last night and had stared at the ceiling, watching my eyes highlight strange shapes in the textures, and considering studying my glow in a mirror, to see if I could hypnotize myself into a mellow state. I'd passed out some time later, well after the witching hour.
I woke up with a start when I smelled him. It hit me so hard, that it shocked me instantly into awareness. I turned my head and sat up, looking at the door. He was standing in the open doorframe, gripping the sides of it, to stop himself from hurling himself on me. I'd slept through the buildup again and wasn't feeling the pull he was. But he was resisting, shaking with restraint as he gripped the wood.
I twisted around to face him, putting my feet on the floor and wanting to hurl myself on him. Not because of the pull, but because I'd missed him, because I'd been terrified, and now relief was washing through me, cleansing away every bad thought I'd had in the past several hours.
But he only continued to shake and stare at me from the doorway. I wondered if maybe he was still angry at me. I'd said some pretty nasty things before he left. I stood up slowly, not sure what to do. His eyes tracked my movement, his shaking increasing the closer I got to him. I tilted my head, holding a hand out for him. He looked down at it, biting his lip but still not moving or speaking.
Fighting tears, I took a deep breath, savoring the smell that was purely him, but registering the smell of other people on him, and the chalky smell of drywall dust mixed with the tangy smell of blood. There had been violence.
My eyes widened, my heartbeat increasing as I took another step towards him. I searched his clothes, but I didn't see anything that even remotely looked like fresh blood. There were some holes in his shirt and a snag in his jeans, but those could have been from a previous fight or from natural wear and tear. Teren had been letting things like new clothes, slip by the wayside lately.
Just as I was about to rush into his arms and beg him to forgive me, beg him to talk to me, he bit his lip, his shaking increasing. And when I say "bit his lip", I mean, he literally bit his lip. He clenched down so hard, he sliced right through the skin. A deep, dark trail of blood oozed from the wound and dripped off his chin.
He did nothing to wipe it away or stop it from falling, and it dripped right onto his shirt. The stain it caused was ominous and startling, and sent me right back into terror. I froze, my eyes wide, my heart pounding. I knew this wasn't good for me, my heart being so stressed, but I couldn't calm down, not when he was being so odd and still, his shaking his only real movement.
"Teren?" I said quietly, my voice trembling and echoing around the empty space between us.
My voice seemed to wreck him. His shaking increased and he released the doorframe, dropping to his knees right in front of me. The shaking, that I'd assumed was from his attempt to resist the pull, shifted to sobs as he dropped his head into his hands. Confused and alarmed, I carefully dropped to my knees in front of him. My hands slid over his cool shoulders, shaking from slight sobs now, as I pulled his head into my chest. "Teren, you're scaring me," I whispered.
I felt Alanna approaching, also woken from sleep by the return of her son. She stopped a few steps behind him in the hallway, watching us kneel together, just on the other side of the door. I held my hand up to her, wanting a minute with my distraught husband. She paused, waiting, her body tense with the desire to comfort her child, but her face resolved to give that responsibility over to another woman. I imagined that was a pretty hard thing for her to do.
Teren let a stuttered cry escape him and finally spoke to me. "Emma..." His arms slipped around my waist. "Oh, god..."
Terrified, I ran my fingers back through his hair. "What, baby? What happened? Please...talk to me."
His body shifted, so that he was still kneeling before me, but his head was resting on my stomach. His hands come up to cup my belly and he began placing tender kisses along my stretched skin, the sleeping children inside only gently stirring at his caress. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." he repeated over and over.
The blood on his chin transferred to the white t-shirt I'd slept in, the contrast startling, even in the pale light of our glowing eyes.
I clutched his head to my stomach, not sure if he was apologizing for our fight or if something had happened. I reached out my senses, but Halina wasn't in the house. I could sense her, miles away, but she was nowhere near the property. A streak of terror flashed through me; maybe she hadn't made it, and I was sensing her corpse. Or maybe Ben...
"Teren...please, what happened? Are you okay? Is...everyone okay?"
He raised his head, his eyes wet and pained, his body still lightly shaking. His fingers cradled our children as he gazed at me, finally nodding. "Yes, we're fine."
I exhaled with relief and crawled into his lap. He laid his head in my shoulder as he pulled me as tight to his body as he could. Alanna behind him, exhaled softly, and nodding once at me, turned and left us alone. I had to imagine that her level of control right there, walking away from her stricken son, rivaled Teren's, when he'd been thirsting for blood and restrained himself from taking mine.
He started lightly crying as he held me and I stroked my fingers down his back, wanting to help him in some way, I just didn't know what was wrong. "Baby, is this because of what I said?" I pulled back to search his eyes, tears dripping off my own cheeks now. "Because, I didn't mean it. I was just mad...I'm so sorry." I sobbed a little after I said that, and he immediately began shaking his head and lightly kissing me.
"No, oh, no, baby. I know you were mad. I'm not...I'm okay." He sniffled, more tears falling as he struggled for control. My hands ran over his face, brushing the cool tears aside as I tried to understand.
"Then...?" I shrugged, emotion closing my throat.
He pulled back, exhaling a steadying breath. With renewed moisture in his eyes, he whispered, "You were right." He choked and swallowed roughly. "You were so right." He shook his head. "This isn't the way." He broke down, leaning his head against my shoulder again.
I rubbed his back, closing my eyes as the despair washing from him, washed into me. "Teren...talk to me."
He sniffled, controlling his emotions, but not lifting his head to look at me again. "I got...nothing. They told me...nothing."
I pulled back, grabbing his face in my hands. "It's okay, baby. You have other leads, right?" I kissed his cheeks, a little surprised that I wanted him to keep looking, keep digging. I guess I just didn't want to ever see this level of pain again.
He grabbed my wrists and pulled them away from his face. "No, I can't..." He shook his head, his eyes older than I'd ever seen them. "You were right. I'm turning into something...I don't even recognize. I'm obsessed," he whispered.
I shook my head, fighting against his grip to hold his face again. He held me tight though. "No, I was wrong, petty..."
He cut me off, his gaze and voice hollow. "I almost staked a woman tonight." I froze in his lap, my legs straddling his, stiffening with tension. He looked over my reaction, his voice so overflowing with emotion that it came out numb. "I almost plunged a rod of pure silver through her heart, because she wouldn't tell me what I wanted to know."
His grip on me hardened as he angrily shook his head, tears springing back to his eyes. "I can't even say it was self-defense." He shrugged. "It wasn't, she never even tried to touch me." His eyes searched my face. I couldn't even imagine what he saw there. "But...I knew she knew something - a name, a nest - something."
He sighed and looked away from me, his face looking disgusted with himself and his grip on me getting even harder. "She was the only one left in the nest when we found it. Ben and I kept her cornered for hours, but she still wouldn't tell me anything. Then I took a silver stake and drug it over her skin. She screamed..." He closed his eyes and bit his lip again, again piercing the flesh and causing a trail of blood to roll off him. His lip healed immediately, right before my eyes.
He opened his eyes, shaking his head. "I can still hear the screams..." He swallowed, a tear rolling off his cheek and dropping down his chin to follow the trail of blood. "I pierced her skin and told her I would shove it through her chest if she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear."
He dropped his tight grasp on my wrists and I inhaled a quick breath at the feeling of blood returning to my hands. He dropped his head into his. Between his fingers, he mumbled, "She still wouldn't tell me. She said she'd rather die, than give up...her mate."
He sobbed and I relaxed on his lap, my hands again going around his body, drawing him into me. I tried to shush him, but he shook his head and peeked up at me. "God, I almost killed her, Emma, and she was only trying to protect..." his eyes searched mine again, "well...her version of you." His hands came out to my face, cupping my cheeks as another sob broke him down. "She was protecting him...from another madman." He raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "Only this time, it was me."
I rested my head against his. "Baby..."
He shook his forehead against mine. "I don't know who I am anymore, Emma." He crumpled in my arms, his head going down to rest on my stomach as he cried. "I don't know what I'm capable of anymore...what lengths I'd go to, to protect you." He peered up at me. "If Great-Gran hadn't..." He swallowed and brought his hands around me, nestling his head into my abdomen. "Oh, god, Emma, I can't do this anymore. This isn't me. I'm not being me..."