His eyes flashed back to me and he sighed again. His eyes were moist. I knew this was killing him, I knew he, at the very least, wanted to be doing research, but I also knew he needed to stay. Nothing out there would help me, and he was turning into something...well, monstrous.
Turning my full attention to him, I held out my hand. He stared at it, torn between staying and leaving. "Teren, that's not the way," I mumbled under my breath.
He looked down and nodded while my mom asked me if I'd said something. Still focused on Teren, I said nothing to her. She eventually silenced, noticing the tension in the room. My sister straightened and I felt her staring at Teren too.
He looked up at me, his eyes dangerously close to shedding a tear. I didn't know how we'd explain that if he did. As it was, I could feel my mom's curiosity pouring out of her.
Finally, Teren smiled widely and strode over to the bed, sitting on the corner and taking my hand. The tension broke with his move and my mom shrugged and continued on with tales of her life. Ashley, more clued into our situation, looked between the two of us. She squeezed my leg under the covers and I knew that she was aware something was going on that she didn't know about, and she wanted to know about it.
But I couldn't tell her with mom in the room, so I smiled warmly at her and then focused back on Teren. He smiled at me, his jaw tight, his gaze unwavering. He was forcing himself to stay, forcing himself to not run out and try and save me, me and them. I loved him so much, for both staying, and wanting to leave.
I whispered that to him and he sighed and nodded. "You're right, that's not the way." He tilted his head at me, speaking under his breath while my mom continued jabbering. "We'll find another."
This time, I smiled warmly and nodded.
Chapter 18 Surprise, Surprise
The basis of our new plan was to try and save the children. Teren was coming to terms with the fact that I may or may not survive the shift, but with every day that passed by, there was a greater chance that we could save them. He stopped doing research from a madman and started doing research in medical journals. He spent every second he could pouring over premature deliveries, how to incubate and preserve children that were only the size of small heads of cabbage.
The lungs were the biggest issue. If I made it to thirty weeks, it was keeping them breathing that would be the hardest part. I eagerly poured over this research with him, finding it fascinating and hopeful, instead of terrifying and nightmare-inducing, like his previous research had been.
His manic need to save me, shifted to this as well, and it didn't take long before he was "interviewing" doctors and specialists, although in a much nicer fashion. All in the guise that he was writing an article on preemies for the magazine he worked for. It was the first time his career had proved a useful cover story and he gloated a bit about that. Hot Ben helped him with this too and I smiled that at least he wasn't coming home with black eyes anymore.
The rest of his family helped out eagerly too, ordering (and in some cases, I'm pretty sure, stealing) supplies that they'd need. Pretty soon, a room right next to ours was set up as a sort of nursery. Sort of, because it mainly resembled a hospital room - two incubators, a couple heart rate monitors, and vials and vials of some sort of medicines. I wasn't sure if any of the vampires knew what any of the stuff really did, but, they were going to try. It was the only option left to us.
Teren told me late one night, a week before my birthday, that he'd bring in a doctor. Worst case scenario, if nothing he did was going to save them, then he'd rush to a clinic, kidnap someone, and bring them to the ranch. Then he'd have Halina wipe them, once the children were out of the woods. He'd do it as many times as was necessary to keep them alive.
I smiled and kissed him, telling him to ask the doctor nicely first, before just confiscating with him. He gave me a sheepish smile and promised that he would. A part of me relaxed, grateful that it seemed my children may actually survive this. Now, the only real question was, would I?
Halina shocked me by saying that she'd give me her blood. I stared at her after she said that - she didn't do that, ever, she was actually firmly against the idea. She had certain resentments over her life, and wouldn't restrict someone else with her affliction. She'd even admitted that she hoped I didn't end up like her. And if I had her blood in me, I'd be resumed to a life of never-ending night, digging a hole in the ground if I had to, to escape the day. But, it was better than being dead, I suppose.
Although, I already had v-juice in me. I wasn't sure if I could be turned twice. Here's where knowing another mixed would come in handy. Especially one that had tried to turn someone. But, she promised she'd try. If I didn't come around, she'd try. Besides, I was already a vampire anyway, she reasoned, and either way, I was dying. She said that in the end, my being like her would be preferable to my not being around anymore. She followed that with, "You're far too entertaining to just let die."
But, like I said, we weren't sure what would happen to me, and finding mixed hadn't been going well. And now, I was pretty sure we were done with rustling up vampire nests. Teren was done anyway. Even if he hadn't admitted that he couldn't handle it anymore, Halina made it quite clear that his method of "interviewing" was over. She'd ripped him a new one when she came home after her overnight trip.
It had been very late the following evening when she'd rushed back to the ranch. She'd woken us both up and berated him for a good hour and a half on his foolish behavior, the rest of his family waking and occasionally interjecting their concerns as well. Teren sheepishly looked at my lap, while I sat beside him on our bed, absorbing their chastisement. Halina had arrived at that nest just as he'd been about to end that poor woman's undead life. Ben had been trying to get him to back down, but he'd been set on his course of action and had simply ignored Hot Ben pulling on his arm. But he couldn't ignore Halina.
She'd torn in there, called his name, and then pushed him into a wall when he hadn't responded to her. From the way she told the story, he'd gone straight through the wall into another room. The terrified vampire had blurred out of there after that, probably to go join up with the love she'd been protecting.
From there, things had gotten a little hairy. Teren had been furious that Halina let her get away and had actually charged his great-grandmother. Halina had tossed him through another wall. At this point, Teren said Ben disappeared on him, muttering that he hadn't signed up for torture. Halina towering over him and Ben's comments had snapped Teren right out of it. He hadn't seen it that way, until that very moment.
He sighed and buried his head in my neck when he admitted that to me, still avoiding looking directly at Halina. She went on to tell me that after she'd finally gotten Teren to leave, she'd stayed, looking around the countryside for the female, since she didn't have time to run home. Teren looked up at her then, curious and hopeful. She glared at him. "No, I didn't find her, but you can bet that her boyfriend now has a huge score to settle with you."
He hung his head again, his arms around me tightening. I clutched him back and looked up at Halina, her slight body still in a scolding position. Then her expression changed and a sly smile lit her lips. "A different male came to the nest shortly before dawn. He looked around the remains of his house and was naturally curious, so I filled him in." She grinned in such a way after that, that I had no doubt that he'd done a little "filling in" as well.
I shook my head and looked away from her. Teren lifted his head again, his eyes hopeful. "Did he...?"
He didn't finish that, but Halina shot him a look. "No, Teren. No more questions. You are done." Lifting her head, an air of authority seemed to shimmer around her and I was reminded then, that this woman was the true head of the Adams clan, regardless of impressions. Teren knew this too and dropped his head again. "I will check out the name he gave me...and any other name I get from that."
He sighed and then nodded, his head still down. She sighed and walked over to him. She put a hand under his jaw, lifting it. He avoided eye contact for a moment, but then looked back at her. Her face softened and she murmured low, fast Russian phrases. He swallowed, his eyes misting, and then nodded. She finished with the phrase for "I love you", and then left us in the room, heading to soak in a bath before she had to hide away for the day.
Teren had been subdued after that, embarrassed by his actions, mortified by his commitment to killing someone. We spent a lot of time talking about it. He spent a lot of time feeling guilty about it. His need to protect me, already ramped up after our abduction months ago, had driven him nearly over the edge. It can be such a fine line between right and wrong. That gray realm gets a little larger with every hard decision we make over the years. I knew from experience what being in that realm felt like, and knew the torment Teren felt. But falling into the black side wasn't an option for him, I wouldn't let it be, and if that meant pulling back a bit, letting someone a little less emotionally attached (and just slightly less) take over, then so be it. If it would save his soul, then so be it.
And so we stopped focusing on me and started focusing on the children.
It was a brilliantly beautiful spring day, just a couple before my birthday, and Ashley and I were distracting ourselves from that fact by painting the nursery. Well, nursery/hospital. We had a can of pale yellow and a can of pale green, since we still didn't know if I was having boys or girls, or one of each, I suppose. The fumes from the open cans burned my sensitive nostrils, but I ignored it. And even though I detested painting, I cherished the moment, cherished the connection I felt with my children as I did it.
Ash painstakingly slid her green roller over a section of one of the walls while I laughingly blurred over my section. "That's not fair, Em," she chuckled, going back to her humanly slow method of painting. Even slower than most since her joints were a little stiff where the scars on her body were thick.
I laughed at her and continued painting at a regular speed, wanting to savor this bonding moment with my sister. Teren was at work, but Alanna looked in on us periodically to check our progress and offer us snacks. Even Jack poked his head in, slinging an arm around each of us, a fatherly pride on his face as he examined our work. "It's beautiful, Emma," he said, squeezing me tight as he looked over one of the two-toned walls we'd completed.
"Thank you," I said back, leaning into his side, taking in the scent on him that was so similar to Teren's. Teren was so much like Alanna and the girls looks-wise, that sometimes it slipped my mind that this burly ranch man was a part of him too.
When I slung my arm around his waist and laid my head on his shoulder, he flushed and looked a little embarrassed by the display. Then he quickly kissed my head and darted out of the room. I heard him sniffle once he was in the hallway and I felt my eyes water. He may try to hide it, but he was worried about me too.
As Ashley was going over what details she knew of premature babies, having studied more about human anatomy during her nursing classes, than anyone else in the house, I heard the sound of tires crunching up gravel. I paused in painting, a growl burrowing up from my chest. Ashley paused mid-sentence, her eyes wide. She'd never hear me growl before; that was generally something I reserved for Teren.