Thinking I could help clean up in some small way, I was picking up Teren's and my dishes when she materialized by my side in the dining room. At first, I thought she had just zoomed out to collect the plates. I was sure she was going to tell me that I was a guest and I shouldn't be doing any work, like somehow, helping out would break some huge etiquette rule. Or maybe she was just afraid that my arms would fall off, being just a fragile human and all. But while she did take the plates away from me and start walking to the kitchen with them, her tone and her voice were quiet and serious, and her comment had nothing to do with me cleaning.
"We need to talk, Emma." She spoke quickly, like she was afraid Teren would be back at any second. My heart spiked a little.
"Okay...what is it?"
She set the plates down in the deep, basin sink built into the center island. Leaning against the counter, she collected her thoughts for a second. Then she looked up at me with an intensity in her eyes that rivaled Halina's. "I need you to convince Teren to stay here."
I blinked, not expecting that at all. "Here...me...why?"
She stepped back from the counter and wrung her hands, just like a woman in a silent movie, who was deeply distressed about something. "He needs to be here where it's safe. You need to make him see that."
"Safe?" I shook my head. "He wants to stay in San Francisco." I wasn't sure what exactly he was in danger from, but I had heard him tell her that before.
Shaking her head, she stepped towards me. "You must convince him that he is better off here. You must, Emma...he won't listen to me."
I crossed my arms over my chest. "What's going on? I thought I knew everything. Is he hiding more from me?"
Clearly torn, Alanna looked down. She obviously didn't want to be the one to have to tell me this secret, but she knew it was important for me to know-the old rock and the hard place. Finally, she sighed. "You do know everything...at the very basic level. What he doesn't want to tell you... What we keep fighting about..." She looked up at me and her eyes were brimming with pink, unshed tears. "Is the seriousness of his conversion."
My heart stopped at the look of panic, fear and sorrow on her face. Whatever made a mother look like that...had to be bad. "What do you mean?"
She came over and rested a hand on my arm; a slight shiver went up my skin, and not entirely from her cool touch. "When his body dies, the vampire in him will take over."
I knew this much...my body tensed, waiting for the horrid punch line.
She stroked my arm with her thumb as she continued. "When he awakes...he will be hungry." I relaxed. That didn't sound so bad. Of course he'd be hungry. I'd be hungry, too, after dying. "He'll be deathly hungry," she quietly finished.
"Deathly?"I didn't like the sound of that.
She nodded, her face sad and solemn. "If he doesn't eat right away...he'll die. The vampire side will die...right along with the human side. We all felt it during the changeover. It's basic and primal and the most urgent thing your body has ever felt. He will never again be as hungry as he is in that moment. It's his body's instinct, screaming at him to eat or perish. And he will. He'll do what he has to...to survive." She whispered that last part.
I thought about her words for a moment, then my entire body went cold with the realization. He was going to die and reawaken monstrously hungry...in the middle of the city. In his office...or his car...or...in my bed. My eyes snapped up to Alanna's cool, pale ones, the pink tears now dripping down her cheeks.
"He'll attack someone? He'll attack...me?"
Alanna nodded. "And he won't stop. He will need so much blood...or he won't survive the change. More than you can safely give him, more than anyone can safely give him. Probably a few cows worth." She shrugged her shoulders as more pink tears dropped. "Where is he going to find that in the city? At work? In his backyard? In yours? He should be here..."
I ran my hands through my hair, trying to absorb all of this. He'd never mentioned thirst like that. He'd never mentioned that he'd be near death and starving so much that he'd lash out at anything with a pulse...even me. I couldn't comprehend it. "No...Teren wouldn't...no."
Alanna sighed. "Halina did..."
I froze and felt pieces of my heart cracking. "What?"
Alanna sighed again. She was about to answer when Imogen swept into the room. We both turned to face her. It startled me some that she was downstairs when the house was warm and cheery with sunshine. She cringed back to a dark corner, but she still looked to be in physical discomfort, if not outright pain. Alanna began lightning-quick closing curtains. When the room was as dark as she could get it, she turned to face her mom.
"Mother, you should be upstairs, where you'll be more comfortable."
Imogen repeatedly blinked her faintly glowing eyes. It was pretty dark in here, but streams of sunlight still showed through the curtains. "No, dear...I should be here for this." She sighed and looked away from her daughter's eyes. "Oh, Alanna...can you ever forgive me?" I blinked, wondering what she meant.
Alanna went to her mother's side. "There's nothing to forgive."
Imogen looked back up at her. "I was so concerned about keeping the line, that I nearly forgot what he'd soon be facing...and his stubbornness." Imogen turned to face me. "My daughter is right...you need to convince him to be here, where he won't hurt anyone, where he won't expose himself."
What they were talking about was certainly important, but my mind was on other things. "What do you mean...what Halina did?"
They both sighed as one and looked at a spot on the floor, where I assumed Halina was sleeping. Finally Imogen spoke, "She really had no choice...and it destroys her still...the memory..."
"The memory of what?" The words barely croaked out of me.
Alanna met my gaze. "The conversion is much the same for new vampires, as it is for us. She was so hungry when she woke...she attacked her husband. She didn't even realize what she was doing, until he was gone."
Alanna grabbed Imogen's hand while they spoke of her father's death, at her mother's hand...or teeth. The cracks in my heart shattered, and fear surged straight through me, followed immediately by anger. "He didn't feel the need to mention this to me? That he might kill me, before he even realizes it! That wasn't worth mentioning?" My tone was getting louder and more heated with each sentence. Alanna released her mother and walked over to me.
"That's why we wanted to tell you. I would have told you ages ago, but he made me promise. He's going to be very upset with me..."
"Not nearly as upset as I am! How could he not tell me? How can he play with my life like that-with everyone's in San Francisco! You may all be fine with Halina chomping on people, but-"
I immediately stopped talking as soon as I realized what I'd inadvertently spouted. Imogen and Alanna both stared at me, stunned. Apparently they didn't think Teren would mention that to me. Sometimes I was surprised he had as well. Imogen looked down, and red, thin tears dropped to her cheeks. It was then that I remembered that Halina wasn't the only one who had slipped up.
"Imogen...I'm sorry..."
She nodded and fled back up to her room. I sighed and slumped against the counter, dropping my head into my hands. Me and my big mouth. Alanna came up and put her hands on my shoulders.
"We're not perfect, Emma...but we try." She rubbed my back comfortingly as she spoke. "Please, try and convince Teren." I nodded and she kissed my cheek. As she made to leave, she looked back over her shoulder. "I'm going to go talk with Mother. Don't feel bad about this. It's her burden to bear, and she does...daily. She has only taken two lives and it was when she was a very new vampire. As for Halina..." She looked down at where the eldest vampire slept, then back up to me. "You should ask Teren again about Halina. I think he may have over-simplified things for you. There are always shades of gray in this world...try and remember that."
Speechless, I watched her leave to go comfort her mother.
I spent several minutes in the kitchen, collecting my thoughts. Just when I thought Teren was being completely honest with me, something new would sideswipe me, and I'd feel dazed, confused and angry. Why did he never willingly confess these secrets to me? Did he still think I was going to bolt on him? He should know better by now. If I was going to have his child, then I was obviously in it for the long haul. Someday, the big jerk was going to have to trust me.
When staring at the dirty dishes that Alanna had surprisingly left alone in the sink, did nothing to calm my body, I headed outside to the sunshine. It was mid-August and the morning sky was a cloudless, perfect, azure blue. Back home, near the bay, the morning fog that rolled in almost like clockwork during the summer mornings, would just be beginning to burn off. Here, farther inland, the temperature was a bit warmer than home, and no trace of the thick, misting comfort laced the hillsides.
I took off my shoes and socks and rolled my pant legs up to my knees, then sat at the edge of the pool, dipping my calves in. The water was cool and refreshing; I considered splashing my face with it, anything to snap reality back to me. I felt like a rubber band that had been stretched too far, and had finally broken apart, one half flutteringly uselessly behind the rest. Would life with Teren ever have any semblance of normalcy?
I bounced my legs along the back wall of the pool and watched the ripples expanding away from me. Near my body, the ripples were huge, splashing up to wet my jeans, but the further away from me they got, the calmer they became, stretching longer and staying lower to the surface of the sparkling water. I felt some metaphoric significance in that.
I don't know how long I sat with my legs in the water, mesmerized by the rhythmic motion, but eventually I felt a body standing beside me; its shadow partially blocked the reflected sunshine on the tiny waves around my shins.
I looked over my shoulder at Teren. He was smiling at me, apparently oblivious to my mood. He wouldn't be for much longer. He held out his hand and stiffly, I let him pull me up to standing. He slipped his arms around my waist and I let him, but I did nothing to return any of the warmness in the gesture. He still didn't seem to notice.
"Miss me? We got the cows taken care of." He nodded his head to the direction of the barn. "Dad, Peter and the guys are seeing to them now. I should probably lend a hand. Cleaning the feet and giving them medicine, it's a lot of work." Sighing, he shook his head. "Life on a ranch..." He grinned and I frowned. That seemed to clue him in that things weren't as hunky-dory as he thought.
"Are you okay?"
I grabbed his arms and pushed them off my waist. "Halina killed her husband." I hadn't planned on what to say...and that's the kind of stuff I say when I don't think it through.
Teren blinked and glanced back at the house. "Wow...I didn't think they'd tell you about that." When his eyes returned to mine, they were definitely tight, he was definitely nervous. That irritated me even more. Grabbing my hands, he tried to lace our fingers as he gave me a wide, fake smile. "Want to go watch Dad with the cows? It's actually pretty interesting, and I could show you the ranch hand's house. There's a half dozen people staying there now and they've got this-"