Biting down on my lip, I cast my gaze out to the bay. The water rippled slightly. Farther out, boats drifted. I did want to see more of Rider, especially outside school. There was so much we hadn’t talked about, and I... Well, I just wanted to be around him.
“Mallory?” She nudged my arm with hers.
I looked over at her, unsure of how to put all of that into words. It would require effort, and right now the sound of my own voice was as shrill as the squawking mallards in the water.
A moment passed. “Do you not want to get to know him again?”
Know him again. Such a strange phrase. I squinted. “I do.”
She caught a strand of her hair and tossed it off her face. “But?”
“But it’s...weird.” I smoothed my hands over my thighs. “I mean, things are...the same between us but different. Like he’s...he’s moved on and I...”
“You’ve moved on, too,” Ainsley said softly.
Had I? Some days I felt like I had come a long way since that life of fear and hopelessness, but there were other days when it felt like I was still cowering in the back of the closet, listening to the sound of fists slamming into flesh.
I thought briefly of the boy spray-painted on the warehouse wall and the things Rider had talked about. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who still fought that battle.
I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. “He has...a girlfriend.”
Her brows climbed up over her sunglasses. “Okay.” There was a pause. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but what does that have to do with anything? I mean, you guys just reconnected and all.”
“I know, and I’m not saying that him having...a girlfriend is the issue,” I explained, and it wasn’t. Well, obviously I was noticing Rider in a way that was more than just friendly, because who wouldn’t, but I knew he didn’t see me that way. Never had, never would, girlfriend or not. I couldn’t even entertain the idea of him reciprocating so much as a fraction of those more-than-friendly feelings. “It’s that I don’t think she’s too happy with Rider and me...reconnecting.”
“How so?”
I told Ainsley about the way Paige had talked to me at the locker and what she’d said to me in class when Rider hadn’t shown the second time.
“Yikes.” Her brows knitted. “Part of me can understand why she wouldn’t be a fan of yours. You come out of nowhere and he’s thrilled to see you. That’s got to be hard to deal with.”
“I know.”
“But you guys are old friends, so she needs to deal with it. And it sounds like Rider wants you in his life. The first thing he did the moment he got a chance was to hug you?” When I nodded, she continued. “And then he showed up to your house one day, followed you out of class when you freaked.”
Ainsley didn’t mince words.
“Then he took you to this awesome place and showed you his artwork—super-cool artwork, might I just add. So he really wants you involved in his life. She’s going to need to cope.”
I nodded slowly.
A moment passed and then she asked gently, “How are you handling things with him being around? I know he was a big part of your past.”
She sounded so much like Rosa. “I’m okay.”
“You sure?”
I nodded again. She stared at me for a moment and then she dropped it. We’d been friends long enough for her to know when I wasn’t going to talk about something.
Ainsley respected that.
I looked over toward the fair, seeing the Rivases checking out a stand of used books. Carl held Rosa’s hand in one of his and in the other, he held a book. I smiled and then looked back at Ainsley. “How...how are you and Todd?”
They were pretty serious. Well, at least I thought so since they’d had sex. I’d figured sex officially made things serious. She had told me that it had been pretty awkward but not bad. Not exactly a ringing endorsement, but now that I was thinking about sex, I thought of Rider.
And whoa, that came out of freaking nowhere.
But while I didn’t have an ounce of experience, Ainsley had told me everything and I had a vivid imagination. And also an internet connection, so...
I was now picturing those broad shoulders, but with no shirt, and from his hugs, I could tell that he was fit. Electricity invaded my veins, and I suddenly wished I was wearing a tank top and shorts. I was hot and I wondered if he—
Oh my gosh, I really needed to stop. My cheeks were burning, and thank God, Ainsley was watching a guy jog by. A shirtless guy. Who was also fit.
“It’s good. I haven’t seen him much since school is back on.” She shrugged, not sounding all that disappointed. “He’s obsessing over colleges right now. It’s all he talks about.”
I knew Ainsley planned to go to University of Maryland, same as me. I had already gotten early acceptance to the college, and her parents had gone there, but I wasn’t sure about Todd. “What...college?”
“Oh, about a million of them.” Even though I couldn’t see her eyes, I knew she rolled them. “I think he wants to go someplace up north. He thinks he’s going to get into an Ivy League School. I know this sounds mean, but he’s not that smart.”
I’d met Todd once, and while I wasn’t sure about his intellectual status, I thought he was a pretty okay guy. I also thought he probably thought I was on the lower end of the cool scale.
“Ugh,” she muttered, stretching out her legs. “He wants me to go to the movies tomorrow with his friends.”