The psychiatrist’s voice was gentler than he'd ever heard it. "I don't know what the situation is here, but you've got to know that she's going to be okay, Luke. Every doctor in the hospital is the best at what he or she does.” When he didn't say anything, just let his head fall back to his knees, she squeezed his hand and said, “Let me know if you need anything. I'll be in my office.”
Intellectually, Luke knew she was right. His colleagues were the best in the business. But deep inside, he wouldn't believe it until he heard Janica laugh again.
He wouldn't believe it until he saw her dance again.
He wouldn't believe it until he saw her twirl Violet and Sam, dressed in pink lace, around in Lily and Travis's living room.
Then, and only then, would he believe it.
And he'd never stop telling her he loved her.
He'd never stop trying to get her to see that she could love him back without fear. Because he'd never be so stupid again.
After what felt like hours, the operating room door opened. His colleagues walked out and were clearly surprised to find him on the floor.
For nearly two decades people in the waiting room had tried to read his face, post-operation. Now, he was the one looking for clues. For anything that would tell him if she was going to be all right. Or if she had—
"How is she?" The words came out harsh. Raw.
"She's young and healthy and things couldn't have gone better,” Robert said with a reassuring smile.
They were the same words Luke had said to strangers a thousand times before, but this time, each one was his own nugget of gold. Relief hit him so hard that if he hadn't already been on the floor, that's exactly where he would've ended up.
"Thank you."
Those two whispered words held every ounce of his gratitude.
"Just like I told you,” Robert said softly, “we wouldn't have let anything happen to her, Luke."
With Robert's help, Luke got up off the floor and followed Janica into the recovery room. Doctors didn't stay with patients, obviously. And usually, loved ones didn't either immediately post-surgery. Luke had never broken protocol like this before.
But nothing would stop him from breaking the rules this time.
He was not going to leave her side. And as he watched her sleep, needles in her arm, bandages on her head, her vital signs moving across the digital screen above her bed, he heard her voice in his head from that night out on the beach in front of the bonfire.
I knew I’d regret it forever if I didn't go for what I wanted.
She'd been so right.
And that was when another bomb hit him: He already knew he loved her.
But he hadn't realized until this very moment that she was his entire soul.
Chapter Twenty-four
Janica felt like crap.
Hangovers like this always made her want to roll over and go right back to sleep. Unfortunately, she knew from painful experience that she'd only end up feeling worse when she woke up again in a few hours unless she made herself get out of bed and take a couple of aspirin.
But when she tried to shift beneath the sheets, excruciating pain knocked the breath out of her.
"Don't move, sweetheart."
She immediately recognized Luke's voice. She would know it anywhere. Warm and sexy as hell. She tried to open her eyes, but they felt like she'd been walking through a sandstorm.
Fear hit her, then. What was wrong with her?
She tried to fight the pain, tried to surface all the way from her sleepiness. And then she felt his lips on her forehead, heard him softly say, "Shh," and his voice, his presence, was just what she needed to calm her down and lull her back to sleep.
* * *
“So thirsty.”
She felt the rim of a plastic cup being held to her mouth and as she tried to gulp it down, she heard Luke say, “Not too much, sweetheart. Not yet.”
She vividly remembered him saying nearly the exact thing when they were in bed together, when she was desperate to take all of him inside of her as fast as she could. But while she was presently in bed, they obviously weren't making love.
Everything hurt, especially her abdomen where it felt like someone had cut into her with a saw. Suddenly, it all came back to her, a series of flashbacks. The plane. The taxi. The truck hitting them. And then nothing but pain and darkness.
And a bone deep longing to be back in Luke's arms, safe and warm.
Her eyelids felt heavy, but she forced herself to open them anyway.
Just as she'd intended, she'd made it to Luke's hospital. Just not the way she'd planned to do it.
“I love you, sweetheart.”
His sweet words had her shifting her somewhat blurry focus to Luke's face. Which was when she finally saw the tears streaking down his face.
“I love you,” he said again, his voice thick with emotion.
And even in her fog, even as pain moved through her, she could see that everything was different.
This love Luke spoke of wasn't the same kind of love that he'd felt before.
“I love you too,” she said, but the act of speaking had her grimacing.
“Just breathe, sweetheart. I'm not going to leave you. I promise.”
And even when a nurse came in and gave her more pain medication, Luke not only never let go of her hand the whole time...he didn't try to hide his tears.
Or his love for her.
She saw it, saw what she'd wanted more than anything, but even as the power of his love for her settled in, she suddenly realized that she couldn't believe it.
Now it was her turn to ask, “How can you?”
“How can I what, sweetheart?”
“How can you love me?”
She was surprised to see a small smile on his lips, his hand brushing a wisp of hair off of her forehead. “I love you because you're good.”
She knew what he was doing. He was repeating all of the things she'd said to him back to her. But she knew it wasn't enough.
“You know I'm not good, Luke,” she made herself say through the fog of pain, of exhaustion.
“Yes, you are.”
“But I wasn't.”
“I loved you even then.” His eyes sparkled with something slightly wicked. “Even when you were bad. I wanted to be bad with you.”
She didn't know what to say to that and in her silence he hit her with, “I love you because you're honest.”
But even though she never lied, she had to say, “There are things you don't know about me. About my past. About what I've done. Things you won't like.”
Her words all came out in a rush and she only stopped when he put a finger to her lips. “I love who you are now. And I promise you, sweetheart, I love who you used to be too.”