“Why is that my fault?” Brad asked.
“Because if you hadn’t come into my life, I would never have cheated on her. I fell in love with you, and it kills me to know that inside I’m still f**king happy that you’re alive. If you’d kept your mouth shut she’d be alive, and I would have you and my wife and baby.” Ben watched as Brad turned away from him and walked out of the cemetery.
****
Brad needed to get away. He felt Ben was being a selfish prick after what he’d said. Running his fingers through his hair, he tried to understand everything that had happened. There was no way he could be responsible for the death of Ben’s wife.
He fought with his own demons, and he couldn’t stop thinking that it was his fault. His hands were shaking as he walked back to the apartment. The paintings Noelle had drawn were up taunting him. He looked at the paintings and saw the loss of friendship and the added loss of Ben.
The urge to lose himself in drink was strong. Ben held him responsible for the death of his wife and child. A part of him was arguing with the statement while another knew he should have kept his mouth shut.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The taxi driver kept the engine running. Two years had passed since she had last seen her parents. Staring at the house with the Christmas decorations made her chest hurt. Not too far from the house, her dad had had the accident which had altered her life forever.
“Do you want me to keep going, honey?” the man asked.
“No. I think I’ll stay for a while. Thank you for taking me.” She handed him the bill. He got out and gave her the cases. She moved her hair out of the way, the blonde locks reminding her of Isaac. He loved to brush her hair when she got out of the shower. Shaking her head to clear the images she thanked the man.
He gave her a warm smile. She waited for him to drive away before turning back to the house.
The whole street was deserted as a fresh layer of snow had begun to fall. Walking the path to the front door, her heart started to pound. Two years didn’t sound like a long time, but so much could happen in that length of time. The snow crunched under her feet with every step she took. When she got to the front door, she hesitated on the buzzer.
She turning around to leave and then back again. Closing her eyes, she counted to ten and pressed the buzzer.
She heard people moving around from inside. Biting her lip she saw the inner door open, the curtain being pulled back, and she stared into the eyes of her father.
“Noelle?” He opened the door, and there he stood. The man who had caused her scarring. The man who had spent a lot of his time at the bottom of a liquor bottle. The same man stood in front of her as sober as she’d ever seen him.
“Hi, dad,” she said.
He engulfed her in a bear hug. The tears she didn’t even know she’d kept inside began falling as he held her and kissed her.
“I’ve missed you so much, sweetheart.” She knew he was crying. She felt the tears on her neck.
“I’ve missed you, too.” She held her dad as the years of pain and anguish melted away. He didn’t smell of alcohol. He smelt like her father with the touch of tobacco and the fabric softener that her mother liked to use.
“I can’t stay long, but I thought we could spend Christmas together,” she said with her arms wrapped around him.
“I don’t care as long as you promise to keep coming back. I’m so sorry, Noelle.” She heard the sob in her dad’s voice as he spoke.
He pulled her inside, and the rest of her family began to embrace her. Her mother was there with tears in her eyes. The whole episode was a crying affair.
Noelle embraced everyone, her heart breaking at the pain she’d caused many people. Staring at her father, she saw how emotional he was at the encounter as well.
After some time passed and they asked her how she was getting on, her father told her cousins to leave so they could catch up. He took her hands and led her into the sitting room.
He sat in the old armchair where she remembered sitting on his knee and reading a story to him as she grew up.
“I can’t believe you turned up,” he said.
“How could I not after these past two years?”
“Two years? Is that all it has been? It’s felt like a lifetime. You’re looking amazing. How is everything with you?” he asked.
She smiled at him, her heart slowing down as her nerves were replaced by the warmth of the family. “I’ve been doing well. I’ve got a collector or an auctioneer or whatever you call it who wants to sell my art work, which is amazing, I think.”
“You were never one for finding out all the proper names of people.”
They both laughed. Their bond was still fragile, and the threat of it breaking kept them in check.
“Nothing much else has happened.”
“What about this argument I’ve heard from your friend Brad?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” She’d ignored his calls, and she hadn’t bothered to tell her she was going to see her parents. She missed Brad. He was like a constant presence in her life, and not being around him upset her. She wanted to make sure he was coping okay with her absence.
“Men?”
Noelle blushed as she thought about Isaac. No matter what she tried to do she couldn’t get him out of her head.
“I met someone, but he wasn’t who he said he was.”
“Then he’s no good for you.”
She smiled and stared at her dad. He took her hand and smiled back at her. Licking her lips, she knew she had to say the words she’d been feeling for some time.
“I blamed you.” She blurted out. He gasped, and the hand holding hers tightened. Instead of stopping, she continued. “Since the accident which gave me this,” she moved her hand over her face, “I’ve hated you for it. I felt that if it wasn’t for your selfishness, I wouldn’t be scarred, and none of this would have happened.”
He went to speak, and she held her hand up to stop him.
“Please, let me finish. This has been ten years in the making, and I think I need to get it off my chest. I promise I didn’t come here to start a fight or to make you feel bad.”
He nodded his head and continued to hold her hand.
“I never wanted to see you again and laid the blame at your feet for this whole thing. Over the past few months I’ve come to see that it was really no one’s fault. What happened, happened, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being bitter for something that I can’t change. I love you, dad, and I forgive you.”