He knew what it was like to be split open, chewed up by the world, and then spit out as if they were nothing.
“You’ve got to stop feeling bad about what happened,” Dalton said.
“I will. I’m going out for a while.” She moved toward the door, grabbing a black jacket with a long hood. The only way she left the Savage Brothers was under many layers, no matter what the time of year was.
“It’s not safe for you to go out.”
She continued to put the jacket on. “I’ve got protection, Dalton. I don’t leave without a weapon.” She showed him the gun at the base of her back. At her ankle she also carried a small knife. There was no way she was ever going to be helpless again. She refused to be trapped by anyone, let alone the men who considered themselves her family.
Once she woke up from the hospital, she got Dalton and Danny to show her how to fight. It had taken years of training to get her confidence back up. There were times the confidence disappeared and she’d be frozen in a cold sweat, but those moments were dwindling.
Opening the door, she knew in her heart that Dalton didn’t want her to leave.
“Please, I need air. You’ve got all your buddies to keep you company.”
“They’re your buddies as well,” Dalton said, taking hold of her hand.
“I know, but I need some girl time.” She withdrew from his touch and left the makeshift home they had made in Fort Wills.
The sun was setting lighting up the night’s sky. Folding her arms, she walked toward the town. There were times she preferred to be alone rather than with a house full of men who knew the truth about her.
No one saw beyond the attack. Thirty years old and she was defined by something that had happened to her when she was ten. She wished she had the courage to leave the club to start a life for herself away from them. They were always close to her, watching her, waiting for her to go off the deep end. They knew too much about her.
Entering a coffee shop, she ordered a strong black coffee and took a seat in the corner by the window. She took a sip of the dark liquid before it had even cooled. In the middle of the coffee shop, she saw two girls giggling, and one girl was showing off her hand. What would it be like to be around other women? She’d never sat in a coffee shop laughing with the girls, talking about shit that wasn’t really important but felt like it. Did she even know how to have a good time? There was so much she didn’t know about herself. Glancing around the coffee shop, she envied all of the people for their easy lives, the carefree attitude they all displayed. Pausing, she saw Whizz was working away at a computer oblivious to the looks coming his way from women who wanted him. Some of the women were with men. He was huge, making the booth he sat at seeming incredibly small. The pictures she had on him were before the attack. He’d changed dramatically. The attack had affected him in more ways than she ever imagined. Unlike some people who dealt with their pain with other vices, Whizz seemed to work out all the time.
She wanted to talk to him. No, she needed to talk to him. For several seconds she fought the need to talk to him. She should stay away. Danny wanted to kill Gonzalez and leave Fort Wills. He doesn’t care what happens to the other MCs. She wasn’t stupid. Danny wouldn’t care who died so long as Gonzalez ended up dead. Getting up from her seat, she grabbed her cup and made her way toward his table.
“This seat taken?” Before she gave him a chance to answer, she placed her cup on the table and took a seat. She was so nervous, and it was hard to stop herself from shaking. In all of her life, she’d never been good at lying or hurting people. Staring at Whizz, she knew he’d been hurt badly by his attack. You’re going to cause him more pain. The very thought of her hurting him further made her sick to her stomach.
Whizz frowned, looking at her when she sat down. “I don’t know you.”
“So? I wanted to come and talk to you. You look lonely.” He hasn’t kicked you away yet.
“I’m working.”
He sat back, staring at her. His hands were flat on the table, and he assessed her. Did he see her as a threat? What did he see when he looked at her? Averting her gaze Lacey saw the scar down his face, the evidence of what that monster had done to him. There would be more scars. She knew all about living with the scars. The ones on the body would all fade with time. It was the scars on the inside that wouldn’t go away. No one could take the memories away or the fears of that time spent in pain. The way people looked at you like they were there and understood what you want through. No one knew what you went through.
“Are you taking a good long look?” Whizz asked, glaring toward her.
“You’ve got pretty eyes. I’ve always been a sucker for a man with pretty eyes.” He had a nice shade of green eyes. They were kind, if sad at the same time. Whizz, like her, had lost a great deal. He would understand her and know not to pity her. She didn’t pity Whizz. He was stronger than the monster who took him. Lacey wished she could prove to him how strong he actually was. He didn’t need to keep hiding behind the weight lifting or the computers. Whizz was much better than that.
“If you keep staring at me, I’m going to start feeling nervous,” he said.
“Sorry.” She dropped her gaze from his and stared at the dark liquid in the cup.
“Drop your hood,” he said.
Glancing up, she saw he was still staring at her.
Going against her better judgment, she dropped the hood, wanting to please him. Had he been with women since his attack? Did he even want to be intimate, or was it a hard f**king he craved?
“Nice hair.”
“I’m going through my radical phase.” She ran fingers through the blue locks. Changing her hair color was fun. Dalton did her hair without argument. Over the years, he’d gotten good at it, too. The first time he’d dyed her hair had been a disaster.
“How old are you?” Whizz asked.
“Thirty.”
“What are you doing in Fort Wills?”
“I’m just passing through.” He went to open his mouth. “Do you want to ask me when I last gave blood or sucked a man’s dick?”
Whizz stopped. “What?”
“The interrogation, does it work on all the women you’re with? Or is this special for me because you’ve never seen me before?”
“I’m sorry.” He went to touch his laptop again. She didn’t want him thinking about anything else but her.
“Don’t be. It’s kind of cute, in a very weird kind of way.”