He was a good father, but an attentive one? Shaking his head, he excused himself from the table.
Wayne didn’t watch where he was going until he was at the bottom of the garden. He took in great gulps of fresh air. There were a few sprinkles of snow falling. The tears he’d kept inside himself for so long started to fall. They were not huge gut-wrenching sobs. They were silent, in one long stream.
How had he gone through life almost missing his own family? He started to feel alive as if he was waking up from sleeping for far too long.
****
Lily watched Wayne disappear out of the room. Blake looked at her along with her other two children.
“Will you keep an eye on the others, sweetheart? I’m going to go and see your father.” Lily kissed Blake’s head when she passed. She followed the path to find Wayne standing at the bottom of the garden.
She rushed towards him and stopped when she saw him crying. “Wayne? What’s wrong?” she asked. They’d had a brilliant day together. They’d had a brilliant week together. She didn’t understand why he was crying.
“I’m a failure.”
That was a word she never expected him to utter. “How on earth are you a failure? You’re a successful businessman. You’re respected by everyone you come into contact with. You can skate. Where are you a failure?”
“I’ve spent the last twelve years being nothing.”
Lily frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“I’ve been living life, Lily, but not actually living it.”
“Again, you’re not making any sense, Wayne. How have you not been living life?”
“Because I haven’t really been part of it.” He pointed at the house, and there was a sob to his voice. “I have a son who is almost a teenager, and I don’t really know him. Where have I been, Lily? I thought you needed time to be your own person, and all I got was the risk I might lose you.”
She closed the distance between them then wrapped her arms around him as he cried. His face buried into her neck. His tears running down her neck made her cold. She closed her eyes holding the man she loved more than anything else and felt him break emotionally apart in her arms.
Her man, her Beast, was breaking apart. She knew only time would heal these wounds. He’d spent so much time being a Beast, that he’d forgotten his own family.
He pulled back. Lily wiped the tears from his eyes. “You spend a great deal of your time working, Wayne. You love your family. I think it’s time you start being home to enjoy them.”
“I’m no better than my own parents,” he said, pulling away from her. That statement made her angry.
“Why? Because you cried? Or are you going to start finding solace at the bottom of a bottle?” She folded her arms and glared at him. “You’re not a weak man, Wayne, and you’ll never be like your parents.”
“How do you know?”
“Because you fought for me. You won’t let me go because you love me. Also, you’re not a weak man because you cry. You’d be a weak man for walking away,” she said.
The tears dried up.
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“Now, you can either come back inside and finish our chicken pasta, or you can get in that car and drive away. Either way, I’m going in that house and eating with my children.” Lily turned and batted away any tears. She needed to be strong. Whatever was happening to Wayne he needed to get these battles off his chest and out of his system.
She stopped and turned back to him. “If you get in that car and drive away, then that’s it. We’re finished, and you’d better be waiting for divorce papers. I’d get Richard to represent me.”
“That’s blackmail,” he said.
“You should know. It’s how you got me, and I’m still here, Wayne. I’m not going anywhere. Unlike your parents, I don’t walk away or give up.” She turned her back on him and walked back into the house.
Blake looked at her, and she saw him searching for his father. She stroked his head then took a seat.
Lily waited. Her hands were shaking while waiting for him to come back. She kept listening for the car. Neither came.
Several minutes passed, and then Wayne stood in the doorway. He held the cake she’d made earlier before they’d gone out.
“I thought I’d tempt you all to finish your pasta so we could all have a slice of cake and for extra, some vanilla ice-cream.” He held up a pot of ice cream. The three children cheered. Wayne went ‘round and kissed each child and then stopped beside her. He went to his knee and pulled out her wedding rings.
“I’m not a quitter. I won’t walk away. You’re stuck with me for life.” He took her wedding finger and slipped the rings back on. Wayne kissed her fingers then took his seat at the head of the table.
She never knew how essential this process would be for him. It was like she was staring at a new man. He stared at her while the others talked around them. She smiled at him then took a sip of water. Lily looked forward to when she had him all to herself.
Once dinner and cake were served, Lily went into the kitchen to clean away the washing up. Wayne put the children to bed. He came down thirty minutes later as she was wiping down the sides.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Liberated. I think I’m done moping around or wondering if I’m the right man for you.” He captured her hand staring down at her rings. “They are where they should be.”
“And I’m where I should be.” She kissed his lips then followed him upstairs to their room.
Wayne put on some music. The soft sounds filtered through their bedroom. He walked back towards her taking her in his arms. His arms surrounded her making her feel safe and at home.
“I love this song,” she said.
“It would sound better if you were singing it,” he said.
Lily chuckled. “You’re not going to let it go about the singing, are you?” she asked.
“I can’t help it. I don’t know why you don’t want to follow that area. You’re brilliant at it.” He stroked her neck then sank his fingers into her hair.
“I’m good at cooking as well, so should I leave you all to go and be a chef? How about how easily I carry children? Should I go and be a surrogate mother as well?” She chuckled when he frowned down at her. He always looked shocked when she argued with him.
“That’s different,” he said.
“No, it’s not. We’re all good at some stuff, and it doesn’t mean we all want to do what we’re good at. I like singing, but I don’t want to make a career out of it. Please, for me, leave the singing alone. I don’t want it.” She touched the hand that was touching her cheek.