“I suppose—”
“I walked from one end of the island to the other today.”
“Really?” I stare at him. “Er… why?”
“I looked up at one point, and I was surrounded by office blocks. Sunlight was bouncing off the plate-glass windows. Reflected backward and forward.”
“That sounds nice,” I say inadequately.
“Do you see what I’m saying?” He fixes me with an intense stare, and I suddenly notice the purple shadows beneath his eyes. God, he looks exhausted. “The light enters Manhattan… and becomes trapped. Trapped in its own world, bouncing backward and forward with no escape.”
“Well… yes, I suppose. Except… sometimes it rains, doesn’t it?”
“And people are the same.”
“Are they?”
“This is the world we’re living in now. Self-reflecting. Self-obsessed. Ultimately pointless. Look at that guy in the hospital. Thirty-three years old — and he has a heart attack. What if he’d died? Would he have had a fulfilled life?”
“Er—”
“Have I had a fulfilled life? Be honest, Becky. Look at me, and tell me.”
“Well… um… of course you have!”
“Bullshit.” He picks up a nearby Brandon Communications press release and gazes at it. “This is what my life has been about. Meaningless pieces of information.” To my shock, he starts to rip it up. “Meaningless fucking bits of paper.”
Suddenly I notice he’s tearing up our joint bank statement too.
“Luke! That’s our bank statement!”
“So what? What does it matter? It’s only a few pointless numbers. Who cares?”
“But… but…”
Something is wrong here.
“What does any of it matter?” He scatters the shreds of paper on the floor, and I force myself not to bend down and pick any of them up. “Becky, you’re so right.”
“I’m right?” I say in alarm.
Something is very wrong here.
“We’re all too driven by materialism. With success. With money. With trying to impress people who’ll never be impressed, whatever you…” He breaks off, breathing hard. “It’s humanity that matters. We should know homeless people. We should know Bolivian peasants.”
“Well… yes,” I say after a pause. “But still—”
“Something you said a while back has been going round and round in my head all day. And now I can’t forget it.”
“What was that?” I say nervously.
“You said…” He pauses, as though trying to get the words just right. “You said that we’re on this planet for too short a time. And at the end of the day, what’s more important? Knowing that a few meaningless figures balanced — or knowing that you were the person you wanted to be?”
I gape at him.“But… but that was just stuff I made up! I wasn’t being serious—”
“I’m not the person I want to be, Becky. I don’t think I’ve ever been the person I wanted to be. I’ve been blinkered. I’ve been obsessed by all the wrong things—”
“Come on!” I say, squeezing his hand encouragingly. “You’re Luke Brandon! You’re successful and handsome and rich…”
“I’m not the person I should have become. The trouble is, now I don’t know who that person is. I don’t know who I want to be… what I want to do with my life… which path I want to take…” He slumps forward and buries his head in his hands. “Becky, I need some answers.”
I don’t believe it. At age thirty-four Luke is having a midlife crisis.
SECOND UNION BANK
53 Wall Street
New York, NY 10005
May 23, 2002
Miss Rebecca Bloomwood
Apt. B251 W. 11th Street
New York, NY 10014
Dear Miss Bloomwood:
Thank you for your letter of May 21. I am glad you are starting to think of me as a good friend, and in answer to your question, my birthday is October 31.
I also appreciate that weddings are expensive affairs. Unfortunately, however, I am unable to extend your credit limit from $5,000 to $105,000 at the current time.
I can instead offer you an increased limit of $6,000, and hope this goes some way to help.
Yours sincerely,
Walt Pitman
Director of Customer Relations
49 Drakeford Road
Potters Bar
Hertfordshire
27 May 2002
Mr. Malcolm Bloomwood thanks Mrs. Elinor Sherman very much for her kind invitation to Becky and Luke’s wedding at the Plaza on 22nd June. Unfortunately he must decline, as he has broken his leg.
The Oaks
43 Elton Road
Oxshott, Surrey
27 May 2002
Mr. and Mrs. Martin Webster thank Mrs. Elinor Sherman very much for her kind invitation to Becky and Luke’s wedding at the Plaza on 22nd June. Unfortunately they must decline, as they have both contracted glandular fever.
9 Foxtrot Way
Reigate
Surrey
27 May 2002
Mr. and Mrs. Tom Webster thank Mrs. Elinor Sherman very much for her kind invitation to Becky and Luke’s wedding at the Plaza on 22nd June. Unfortunately they must decline, as their dog has just died.
Seventeen
THIS IS GETTING beyond a joke. Luke hasn’t been to work for over a week. Nor has he shaved. He keeps going out and wandering around God knows where and not coming home until the early hours of the morning. And yesterday I arrived back from work to find he’d given away half his shoes to people on the street.