But hang on — surely I’ve met The Daily World’s personal finance editor. Surely it’s that drippy woman called Marjorie? So who’s this guy?
“I haven’t seen you around before,” I say casually. “Are you new?”
Eric Foreman gives a chuckle. “I’ve been on the paper for ten years. But this finance stuff isn’t usually my scene.” He lowers his voice. “I’m here to stir up a bit of trouble, as it goes. The editor’s brought me on board for a new campaign we’re running, ‘Can We Trust the Money Men?’ ”
He even talks in a tabloid voice.
“That sounds great,” I say.
“Could be, could be. As long as I can get past all this technical stuff.” He pulls a face. “Never been good at figures.”
“I wouldn’t worry,” I say kindly. “You don’t actually need to know very much. You’ll soon pick up what’s important. Basically, these guys are launching a new pension plan. .” I glance at the brochure “. . and the gimmick is, there’s a discount for investors under the age of twenty-five. Which makes sense, of course, because the sooner you start retirement planning, the better.”
“Oh absolutely,” echoes Eric Foreman, a tiny smile at his mouth. “May I ask, do you have a pension?”
“Well. . no,” I admit. “I don’t at the moment. . but I’m absolutely intending to, as soon as I decide which one.”
Which is true. As soon as I clear all my debts, I’m going to start a pension plan, and also invest in a long-term equity-based investment fund. I may even put some spare money into emerging markets. I mean, it makes sense, doesn’t it?
“Glad to hear it,” says Eric Foreman, grinning. “Very wise of you.” He peers at my name badge. “And you are. .”
“Rebecca Bloomwood, Successful Saving,” I say, in my best networking manner.
“Glad to meet you, Rebecca,” he says, and fishes in his pocket for a business card.
“Oh, thanks,” I say, hastily reaching into my bag for my own business cards. Yes! I think triumphantly as I hand it over. I’m networking with the national newspapers! I’m swapping business cards!
Just then the microphones all come on with a screech of feedback, and a dark-haired girl at the podium clears her throat. Behind her is a lit-up screen, with the words Sacrum Asset Management against a sunset.
I remember this girl now. She was really snotty to me at a press briefing last year. But Philip likes her, because she sends him a bottle of champagne every Christmas, so I’ll have to give this new pension plan a nice write-up.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” she says. “My name is Maria Freeman, and I’m delighted to welcome you all to the launch of the Sacrum Asset Management Pension Series. This is an innovative range of products designed to combine flexibility and security with the powerful performance associated with Sacrum.”
A graph appears on the screen before us, with a wiggly red line rising and falling above a thinner black one.
“As Graph 1 shows,” says Maria Freeman confidently, pointing to the wiggly red line, “our UK Enterprise Fund has consistently outperformed the rest of its particular sector.”
“Hmm,” murmurs Eric Foreman to me, frowning at his brochure. “So, what’s going on here, then? I heard a rumor that Sacrum Asset Management wasn’t doing too well.” He jabs at the graph. “But look at this. Outperforming the sector.”
“Yeah, right,” I murmur back. “And what sector would that be? The Crap Investments Sector? The Lose All Your Money Sector?”
Eric Foreman looks at me and his mouth twists slightly.
“You think they’ve fiddled their figures?” he whispers.
“It’s not exactly fiddling,” I explain. “They just compare themselves to whoever’s worse than themselves, and then call themselves the winners.” I point to the graph in the brochure. “Look. They haven’t actually specified what this so-called sector is.”
“Well, blow me,” says Eric Foreman, and looks up at the Sacrum team sitting on the platform. “They’re canny bastards, aren’t they?”
Really, this guy has no idea. I feel almost sorry for him.
Maria Freeman is droning on again, and I stifle a yawn. The trouble with sitting near the front is you have to pretend to look interested and be writing notes. “Pensions,” I write, and draw a swirly line underneath. Then I make the line into the stem of a vine and start drawing little bunches of grapes and leaves all the way along.
“In a moment I’ll be introducing Mike Dillon, who heads up the investment team, and he’ll be telling you a little about their methods. In the meantime, if there are any questions. .”
“Yes,” says Eric Foreman. “I’ve got a question.” I look up from my grapevine, slightly surprised.
“Oh yes?” Maria Freeman smiles sweetly at him. “And you are. .”
“Eric Foreman, Daily World. I’d like to know, how much do you all get paid?” He gestures with his hand along the table.
“What?” Maria Freeman turns pink, then regains her composure. “Oh, you mean charges. Well, we’ll be dealing with those. .”
“I don’t mean charges,” says Eric Foreman. “I mean, how-much-do-you-get-paid? You, Mike Dillon.” He jabs at him with his finger. “What are you on? Six figures, is it? And bearing in mind what a disaster the performance of Sacrum Asset Management was last year — shouldn’t you be out on the streets?”