A cold feeling begins to creep over me. This is all wrong.
“All right?” says Luke, turning back to me.
“No,” I hear myself saying. “No, it’s not. You didn’t tell me that case was for your girlfriend. You didn’t even tell me you had a girlfriend.”
Oh God. I’ve done it now. I’ve been completely uncool. But somehow I don’t care.
“I see,” says Luke after a pause. He picks up a piece of bread and begins to break it up with his fingers, then looks up. “Sacha and I have been together awhile now,” he says kindly. “I’m sorry if I gave. . any other impression.”
He’s patronizing me. I can’t bear it.
“That’s not the point,” I say, feeling my cheeks flushing beet red. “It’s just. . it’s all wrong.”
“Wrong?” he says, looking amused.
“You should have told me we were choosing a case for your girlfriend,” I say doggedly, staring down at the table. “It would have made things. . different.”
There’s silence and I raise my eyes, to see Luke looking at me as though I’m crazy.
“Rebecca,” he says, “you’re getting this all out of proportion. I wanted your opinion on suitcases. End of story.”
“And are you going to tell your girlfriend you asked my advice?”
“Of course I am!” says Luke, and gives a little laugh. “I expect she’ll be rather amused.”
I stare at him in silence, feeling mortification creep over me. My throat’s tight, and there’s a pain growing in my chest. Amused. Sacha will be amused when she hears about me.
Well, of course she will. Who wouldn’t be amused by hearing about the girl who spent her entire morning testing out suitcases for another woman? The girl who got completely the wrong end of the stick. The girl who was so stupid, she thought Luke Brandon might actually like her.
I swallow hard, feeling sick with humiliation. For the first time, I’m realizing how Luke Brandon sees me. How they all see me. I’m just the comedy turn, aren’t I? I’m the scatty girl who gets things wrong and makes people laugh. The girl who didn’t know SBG and Rutland Bank had merged. The girl no one would ever think of taking seriously. Luke didn’t bother telling me we were choosing a suitcase for his girlfriend because I don’t matter. He’s only buying me lunch because he hasn’t got anything else to do — and probably because he thinks I might do something entertaining like drop my fork, which he can laugh about when he gets back to the office.
“I’m sorry,” I say in a wobbly voice, and stand up. “I haven’t got time for lunch after all.”
“Rebecca, don’t be silly!” says Luke. “Look, I’m sorry you didn’t know about my girlfriend.” He raises his eyebrows quizzically, and I almost want to hit him. “But we can still be friends, can’t we?”
“No,” I say stiffly, aware that my voice is thick and my eyes smarting. “No, we can’t. Friends treat each other with respect. But you don’t respect me, do you, Luke? You just think I’m a joke. A nothing. Well. .” I swallow hard. “Well, I’m not.”
And before he can say anything else I turn and quickly make my way out of the restaurant, half blinded by disappointed tears.
PGNI FIRST BANK VISA 7 Camel Square
Liverpool L1 5NP
Ms. Rebecca Bloomwood
Flat 24 Burney Rd.London SW6 8FD
15 March 2000
Dear Ms. Bloomwood: PGNI First Bank VISA Card No. 1475839204847586 Thank you for your payment of £10.00, received on 13 March.As I have pointed out several times, the minimum payment required was in fact £105.40.The balance currently overdue is therefore £95.40. I look forward to receiving your payment as soon as possible.If satisfactory payment is not received within seven days, further action will have to be taken.Yours sincerely,Peter Johnson Customer Accounts Executive
BANK OF LONDON
London House, Mill Street, EC3R 4DW
Ms. Rebecca Boomwood
Flat 24 Burney Rd.London SW6 8FD
18 March 2000
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Twelve
I ARRIVE HOME THAT afternoon, feeling weary and miserable. Suddenly, triple-A-rated jobs in banking and Harrods with Luke Brandon seem miles away. Real life isn’t swanning round Knightsbridge in a taxi, choosing £1,000 suitcases, is it? This is real life. Home to a tiny flat which still smells of curry, and a pile of nasty letters from the bank, and no idea what to do about them.
I put my key in the lock, and as I open the door, I hear Suze cry, “Bex? Is that you?”
“Yes!” I say, trying to sound cheerful. “Where are you?”
“Here,” she says, appearing at the door of my bedroom. Her face is all pink, and there’s a shine in her eyes. “Guess what! I’ve got a surprise for you!”
“What is it?” I say, putting down my briefcase. To be honest, I’m not in the mood for one of Suze’s surprises. She’ll just have moved my bed to a different place, or something. And all I want is to sit down and have a cup of tea and something to eat. I never did get any lunch.