But the trouble is, everyone else here thinks she’s adorable. I haven’t seen her again at Little Leaf, thank goodness, but I’ve had to endure about six conversations with other mothers about how great it is that Queenie and I are old friends (friends!) and isn’t she divine and am I coming to her spa party?
I can’t cope with an Alicia Bitch Long-legs spa party. I just can’t.
Anyway. Never mind. I don’t care. I’ll make friends another way. There are lots of other ways. And, in the meantime, I’m going to focus on my new career.
I have a plan at the ready, and it starts today. I’ve been totally inspired by the story of Nenita Dietz marching into the wardrobe department and landing herself a job. So today I’m going to do the tour at Sedgewood Studios, which is where Nenita Dietz works, and I’m going to sneak away and find her. Luke has even got me a free VIP ticket through some contact of his, although I haven’t mentioned my plan to him. I’ll wait till I have success first. Then he’ll see.
I’ve put together a collection of my work as a personal shopper: look books, photos of clients, even a couple of sketches, all zipped up in a leather portfolio. I’ve also put together a critique of some recent Sedgewood Studios films, to show that I’m movie-minded. (Like, for example, that alien film they made, Darkest Force. They really could have had better costumes in that. The space uniforms were so clunky. By the year 2154, surely we’ll be going into space in skinny jeans, with tiny little helmets designed by Prada or someone?)
I’ve also done extensive research on Nenita Dietz, because I want to make sure we hit it off straightaway. I’m wearing a really cool dress by Rick Owens, which is a label she likes, and I’m wearing Chanel No. 5, which is apparently her favorite scent, and I’ve Googled Martinique, which is where she goes on holiday. All I have to do is meet her and I’m sure we’ll get along.
As I wait to join the VIP tour, I feel a fizz of excitement. My life could turn a massive new corner today! I’m standing by the famous gates, which are huge and ornate, with “Sedgewood Studios” in iron letters at the top. Apparently if you kiss them, your deepest wish will come true, and lots of tourists are kissing them and filming one another. Honestly, what a load of rubbish. Like a gate could help. Like a gate could really have any secret powers. Like a gate could—
Oh, come on. I might as well. Just to be on the safe side. I’m kissing it and whispering, “Get me a job, please, please, lovely gate,” when a side entrance opens.
“Come forward for the VIP tour!” A girl in a headset starts ushering us through and scanning our passes. I follow the crowd of tourists and soon find myself on the other side of the gates, in the studio lot. I’m here! I’m in Sedgewood Studios!
I quickly look around, trying to get my bearings. There’s an endless road stretching ahead, lined with pretty Art Deco buildings. Beyond that is a lawned area, and I can see more buildings in the distance. I couldn’t track down a map of the studio lot online, so I’m going to have to find my own way.
“This way, ma’am.” A young man with blond hair, a dark jacket, and a headset is approaching me. “We have one more space on our cart.”
I turn to see that a whole fleet of golf carts have turned up, and all the tourists are getting on. The blond guy is gesturing to the backseat of a cart that seats six people and is nearly full.
I don’t want to get on. I want to find the wardrobe department. But I guess I have no choice.
“Great.” I smile at him. “Thanks.”
Reluctantly, I climb onto the back of the cart and buckle up, next to an old lady in pink seersucker shorts who is filming everything with a video recorder. She even swings round to take a shot of me, and I do a little wave. The blond guy has got into the front of the cart and is handing out headphones.
“Hi!” His voice booms into my ears as soon as my headphones are on. “My name is Shaun, and I’ll be your guide for today. I’m gonna take you on a fascinating tour of Sedgewood Studios, past, present, and future. We’ll see the places where all your favorite shows and movies have been filmed. And while we’re on our tour, keep your eyes peeled, and you might spot one of our stars at work. Yesterday I was beginning a tour just like this one, when who should we see strolling by but Matt Damon!”
“Matt Damon!”
“I love him!”
“His films are awesome!”
At once, everyone starts looking around excitedly, as if he might appear again, and one man even starts snapping his camera at empty space.
This is like being on safari. In fact, I’m amazed they don’t do celebrity safaris. I wonder who the “big five” would be. Brad Pitt, obviously, and Angelina. And imagine if you saw the whole family together. It would be like when we came across a lioness feeding her cubs in the Maasai Mara.
“Now we’re gonna travel back in time, to the glory days of Sedgewood,” Shaun is saying. “I’m gonna share with you some magical moments in film history. So sit back and enjoy!”
The golf cart moves off, and we all look around politely at the white buildings and the lawns and the trees. After a while we stop, and Shaun shows us the fountain where Johnno proposed to Mari on We Were So Young, in 1963.
I never saw We Were So Young. In fact, I’ve never even heard of it, so that doesn’t mean an awful lot to me. Quite a nice fountain, though.
“And now on to our next highlight!” Shaun says as we all get back on the cart. He starts it up and we drive for ages, past more white buildings, lawns, and trees. We turn a sharp corner and we all look excitedly to see what’s next … but it’s more white buildings, lawns, and trees.