“Maybe she thought she’d already apologized.”
“You’re sticking up for her.” I stare at Suze in dismay. “I can’t believe you’d stick up for Alicia Bitch Long-legs.”
“I’m not sticking up for her!” ripostes Suze. “I’m just saying, people change, and—” She breaks off as our drinks arrive, and the waitress presents us with two Golden Peace gift bags: glossy white with golden rope handles.
“Alicia asked me to give you these.” She smiles. “A little welcome pack.”
“Ooh! Thank you!” says Suze, and starts unpacking hers straightaway. “Look, bath oil … and a candle …”
“You’re accepting it?” I say, scandalized.
“Of course I am!” says Suze, rolling her eyes. “It’s an olive branch. She’s changed. You should let people change, Bex.”
“She hasn’t changed.” I glare at Suze. “If she’d changed she would apologize.”
“She did apologize!”
“Not to me!” I practically yell. “Not to me!”
“Look, Bex.” Suze pauses halfway through unwrapping some herbal tea bags. “Please don’t let’s argue. Especially not about Alicia, for goodness’ sake! I think you should have your goody bag and enjoy it. Go on.” She prods me with a teasing smile. “Open it. I know you want to.…”
Even though I’m still simmering inside, I can’t argue any more with Suze. Especially on her first day here. So I make a huge effort and smile back. I’ll never get her to understand about Alicia, I think dolefully. Maybe no one will ever properly understand except Luke (kind of) and me, and I just have to accept that.
Reluctantly, I pull the gift bag toward me and open it. I’ve got a candle, too, and some olive-oil soap, and … wow. A Golden Peace bikini. I’ve seen those in the shop, and they’re a hundred dollars.
I mean, it’s nice. But it doesn’t change Alicia.
“I really want one of those white-and-gold bracelets,” says Suze, eyeing mine. “Maybe I’ll take some classes. Let’s have a look.…” She opens the brochure, which was in the bag, then a moment later puts it down, her eyes wide. “Bex, this place costs a fortune! How many times a week do you come here?”
“Er … every day.”
“Every day?” Suze is goggle-eyed. “But how much does that cost?” She starts flicking through the brochure, gasping at every page. “Have you seen how much a yoga class costs? I pay a fifth of that in London.”
She seems so flabbergasted, I feel a bit defensive.
“It’s not about money, Suze. It’s about mental health and spiritual well-being and my personal journey.”
“Oh yes?” she says skeptically. “Well, have they stopped you shopping too much?”
I wait for a beat, then answer with a flourish: “Yes!”
“Yes?” Suze drops the brochure and stares at me with huge blue eyes. “Bex, did you say ‘yes’?”
Ha. Ha-di-ha. I was waiting for this subject to come up.
“Yes,” I say smugly. “I had a special one-to-one session yesterday with David, one of the therapists, and we talked through my issues, and he gave me lots of coping mechanisms. I’m a changed person, Suze!”
“Oh my God,” says Suze weakly. “You’re serious.”
“Of course I’m serious!”
“So … what, you walk into a shop and you don’t want to buy anything?”
“That’s not how it works,” I say kindly. “It’s a journey, Suze. We’re all on a journey.”
“Well, how does it work?”
“I’ll show you! Come on, we’ll go to the gift shop.”
I drain my juice and leap up, by now totally cheered. I’m longing to show off all my new techniques. I haven’t had a chance to practice them yet, except in the mirror at home.
“Ernie!” commands Suze. “You’re in charge. Stay in the playground. We’ll just be in the shop, OK?”
“It’s fine,” I say. “We can see the playground from the shop. Come on!”
To be honest, I’ve been quite amazed at my own spectacular progress. When David came to find me at lunch one day and suggested a one-to-one session to “discuss my shopping issues,” I wasn’t that keen. In fact, I said, “Wow, that sounds fab, but actually I’m a bit too busy.”
Then, when he set up a session anyway, I accidentally-on-purpose forgot to turn up. And then, when he came to find me in yoga, I … Well. I avoided him.
OK, I ran away and hid behind a tree. Which I do appreciate was a bit childish. But he tracked me down in the café later that day and talked really sweetly to me and said if I hated what he said I could ignore it all.
So at last I had the session. And all I can say is, why did I never do this before? David kept saying, “These are the first baby steps” and “I know you’ll find these ideas hard,” and I agreed because I sensed that was what he wanted me to say. But, honestly, I found them easy. I must be mentally very strong, or something.
He talked about “why people shop,” and he told me about lots of different techniques that we could work on together, and then he told me how the lessons I’m learning in my other classes, like Mindfulness for a Positive Life and Tapping for Well-Being, all feed into the same picture. And I nodded earnestly and took notes and then we talked about how I could go into the spending-addiction program when a space becomes available.