Nanny Sue leafs through the book for a moment, then gives me an odd look.
‘How much pocket money does she have?’
‘Fifty pence a week,’ says Luke. ‘For now.’
Nanny Sue has produced a calculator from her own bag and is tapping at it.
‘Then according to my sums …’ She looks up calmly. ‘Minnie has spent her “pocket money” until the year 2103.’
‘What?’ I stare at her, discomfited.
‘What?’ Luke grabs the book from her and starts flipping through. ‘What the hell has she bought?’
‘Not that much …’
The year 2103? Can that be right? I’m trying to do frantic sums in my head as Luke examines the entries in Minnie’s book like the Gestapo.
‘Six dolls?’ He jabs at a page. ‘In one day?’
‘They were a matching set,’ I say defensively. ‘And they’ve got French names! It’ll help her language!’
‘What’s this?’ He’s already on another page. ‘Junior Dolce boots?’
‘She wore them the other day! Those little suede ones. You said how nice she looked!’
‘I didn’t know they cost two hundred quid!’ he erupts. ‘I mean, Jesus Christ, Becky, she’s a little kid. Why does she need designer boots?’
He looks really shocked. To be honest I’m a bit shocked myself. Maybe I should have added up what she was spending a bit better.
‘Look, OK, I’ll stop …’
Luke isn’t even listening to me. He’s turned back to Nanny Sue.
‘You’re saying that if we don’t cure Becky, Minnie could turn into a shopaholic herself?’
I’ve never known him look so anxious.
‘Well, addictive behaviour is known to run in families.’ They’re both talking as though I’m not even here.
‘I’m not addicted,’ I say furiously. ‘And neither is Minnie!’ I snatch the pocket-money book from him. Nanny Sue must have added it up wrong. We can’t have spent that much.
Minnie has been hoovering her way efficiently through the shortbread biscuits on the coffee table, but now she notices the pocket-money book.
‘Pocket money?’ Her eyes light up. ‘Shops?’ She starts tugging at my hand. ‘Starbucks-shops?’
‘Not now,’ I say hurriedly.
‘Shops! Shops!’ Minnie is tugging at my hand in frustration, as though if I just understood, I’d do what she wanted. It’s the same look Dad got in France, that time we wanted to buy an electric fan and all the French shop assistants stared blankly as he shouted ‘Fan! Fan! Electrique!’ and whirled his hands around.
‘Shops.’
‘No, Minnie!’ I snap. ‘Be quiet now!’
Minnie looks as though she’s racking her brain for another way to put it – then her face lights up. ‘Visa?’
Luke breaks off his conversation and stares at her, stricken.
‘Did she just say “Visa”?’
‘Isn’t she clever?’ I give an over-bright laugh. ‘The things children say …’
‘Becky, this is bad. Really bad.’
He looks so upset I feel a sudden clanging in my chest.
‘It’s not bad!’ I say desperately. ‘She’s not … I’m not …’ I trail off helplessly. For a moment no one says anything except Minnie, who is still tugging my arm, exclaiming, ‘Visa!’
At last I draw breath. ‘You really think there’s a problem, don’t you? Well, fine. If you think I should go to boot camp, I’ll go to boot camp.’
‘Don’t worry, Becky.’ Nanny Sue laughs. ‘It won’t be as bad as all that. It’ll simply be a programme of discussion and behaviour modification, based at our London headquarters, with a residential option for those from far away. We’ll be having workshops, one-to-ones, role play … I think you’ll enjoy it!’
Enjoy it?
She hands me a leaflet, which I can’t even bring myself to look at. I can’t believe I’ve agreed to go to boot camp. I knew we should never have let Nanny Sue back in the house.
‘The main thing is, Minnie’s OK.’ Luke exhales. ‘We’ve been really worried.’
Nanny Sue takes a sip of tea and looks from him to me. ‘Out of interest … what made you think she had problems in the first place?’
‘I never did,’ I point out at once. ‘It was Luke. He said we couldn’t have another baby because we couldn’t control Minnie. He said she was too wild.’
As I’m speaking, it hits me. He hasn’t got any more excuses! Result! I whip round to Luke.
‘So will you change your mind now about having another baby? You have to change your mind.’
‘I … don’t know.’ Luke looks cornered. ‘You don’t just rush into these things, Becky. It’s a big step …’
‘Everything in life is a big step!’ I say dismissively. ‘Don’t be a scaredy-cat. You think Minnie should have a sibling, don’t you?’ I appeal to Nanny Sue. ‘You think it would be good for her?’
Ha. That’ll teach Luke. Two can play the Getting-Nanny-Sue-On-Their-Side game.
‘That’s a very personal decision.’ She looks thoughtful. ‘However, it’s sometimes helpful to discuss these things. Luke, is there a particular reason why you don’t want to have another child?’
‘No,’ says Luke after a long pause. ‘Not really.’ He looks very uncomfortable, I suddenly notice.