Many Happy Returns, Buddy!
Wishing You a Good One
Happy Birthday and all the best from the marketing team at HSBC
I can hear Luke’s tread as he comes up the stairs. I want to gibber with panic. I need to hide the BlackBerry. I need to hide everything, squash everything away.
‘He’ll guess everything!’ I whisper in horror, ducking into the bathroom. ‘We have to delete them! We have to stop them!’
‘I know.’ Bonnie sounds fairly desperate, too. ‘But it seems people have been forwarding the email on. He’s getting messages from all over the place. I don’t know how we can contain them.’
‘But it’s a secret!’ I almost wail. ‘Don’t they realize?’
‘Becky.’ Bonnie sighs. ‘Maybe you’ve kept the secret for long enough. The party’s only two days away. Isn’t it time to tell Luke?’
I stare at the phone in utter shock. She thinks I should just give up? After all this?
‘Absolutely not!’ I retort in a savage whisper. ‘No way! I’m giving him a surprise party, OK? A surprise. I’ll just have to distract Luke so he doesn’t see any emails or anything.’
‘Dear, you can’t possibly distract him from his emails for two entire days—’
‘Yes I can! I’ll lose his BlackBerry, and I’ll deal with his laptop somehow … Get the tech guys to delete all the emails if they can. Keep me posted. Bonnie, I’ve got to go …’
‘Becky?’ Luke is calling from the bedroom. ‘Darling, are you OK?’
I ring off, gaze at Luke’s BlackBerry for a heart-thumping moment, then quickly stamp on it, treading it into the tiled floor. There. Take that, ten thousand people all giving my secret party away.
‘Becky?’
I open the door to see him standing with a mug and plate bearing two slices of toast.
‘Are you OK?’ He peers at me in concern, then holds out his hand. ‘Can I have my BlackBerry back?’
‘I … broke it. Sorry.’
‘Jesus!’ He stares in shock at the mangled remains. ‘How the hell did you do that?’ He looks around the room. ‘Where’s my laptop got to? I’ll have to email Bonnie—’
‘No!’ My cry is so piercing he gives a startled flinch and tea slops out of the mug. ‘Forget your laptop! Forget everything! Luke …’ I cast desperately around. ‘I’m … ovulating!’
Yes!
‘What?’ He stares blankly at me.
‘Right now!’ I nod firmly. ‘This minute! I just did a test. They’re very specific these days. So we need to get down to it! Quickly! Minnie’s asleep, it’s just you and me in the house …’ I sidle up to him suggestively, take the mug and plate out of his hands and dump them on a shelf. ‘Come on, darling.’ I lower my voice huskily. ‘Let’s make a baby.’
‘Well, there’s a thought.’ His eyes gleam as I start to unbutton his shirt and tug it out of his trousers. ‘No time like the present.’
‘Absolutely.’ I close my eyes and run my hand down his chest in my most sultry way. ‘I am so in the mood.’
Actually, it’s true. All the adrenalin pumping round my body is getting me quite hot and bothered. I pull his shirt off completely and move closer, breathing in his faint scent of sweat and aftershave. Mmmm. This was a very good idea.
‘Right back at you,’ murmurs Luke against my neck. He’s obviously in the mood too, in quite a major way. Excellent. I’m good for a few hours. He won’t even think about laptops or BlackBerries. In fact, if I play things right, this will take care of things till morning. And then …
Oh God. I’ve got no idea. I’ll just have to think of something else. I’ve got plenty of time to work out a plan.
All I know is one thing. He’s having a surprise on Friday night, if it kills me.
NINETEEN
OK, it practically is killing me. It’s seven thirty the next morning and I’m totally sleep-deprived because every time I was about to drop off, Luke would murmur something like ‘I’ll just check my emails’ and I had to do my sultry nymphomaniac act all over again.
Which, you know, had its benefits. But now we truly are sated, both of us. I mean, really. We’re done. (For the moment, at least.) And I know Luke’s mind will be roaming. So far, I’ve managed to keep him confined to the bedroom. I brought us all breakfast in bed, and he’s sipping his second cup of coffee while Minnie eats a piece of toast. But any minute he’ll start looking at his watch and saying—
‘Have you seen my laptop?’ He looks up.
I knew it.
‘Um … Have you lost it?’ I prevaricate.
‘It must be around here …’ He pushes at the shirt which he discarded on the floor last night.
‘I expect so.’ I nod wisely. I secreted it out of the room earlier and stuffed it behind the bottles at the back of the detergent cupboard in the utility room. Then I propped an ironing board and overflowing basket of laundry in front of the cupboard door. He’ll never find it.
‘I need to get in touch with Bonnie and explain the situation …’ He’s searching the room with more energy. ‘Where the hell is it? I had it last night! I must be going fucking demented. Can I use your BlackBerry?’
‘Out of power,’ I lie smoothly. ‘I forgot to charge it.’
‘I’ll use your parents’ computer, then—’
‘They’ve changed the password,’ I say hastily. ‘You won’t be able to get in. More coffee, darling?’