‘Hey, Bex.’ Suze has stopped swinging and is squinting suspiciously at my velvet top. ‘Is that my top? Is that the one I lent you when we first moved in together?’ She’s getting off the swing. ‘And I asked you for it back and you said it got burnt accidentally in a bonfire?’
‘Er …’ I automatically take a step backwards.
That story’s ringing a bell. Why did I say I burnt it? I can’t remember now, it’s so long ago.
‘It is!’ She’s examining it closely. ‘It’s that Monsoon top! Fenny lent it to me and I lent it to you and you said you couldn’t find it and then you said it had got burnt! Do you know what a hard time Fenny gave me about that?’
‘You can have it back,’ I say hastily. ‘Sorry.’
‘I don’t want it back now.’ She peers at me incredulously. ‘Why are you wearing it, anyway?’
‘Because it was in my wardrobe,’ I say morosely. ‘And I’ve agreed to wear everything in my wardrobe three times before I go shopping for clothes again.’
‘What?’ Suze sounds staggered. ‘But … why?’
‘It was after the bank went bust. We made a deal. Luke’s not buying a car and I’m not buying any new clothes. Not till October.’
‘But Bex.’ Suze looks really concerned. ‘Isn’t that bad for your health? I mean, isn’t it dangerous to go cold turkey? I saw this TV show once. People go shaky and have blackouts. Have you felt shaky at all?’
‘Yes!’ I stare at her, riveted. ‘I felt really shaky when I walked past the Fenwick sale the other day!’
Oh my God. It never occurred to me that by giving up shopping I could be jeopardizing my health. Should I see a doctor?
‘And what about Luke’s party?’
‘Sssh!’ I say fiercely, looking around the empty garden in paranoia. ‘Don’t tell everyone! What about it?’
‘Aren’t you going to get a new dress?’ mouths Suze silently.
‘Of course I am—’ I stop dead.
That hadn’t even occurred to me. I can’t get a new dress for Luke’s party, can I? Not while our deal is still on.
‘No,’ I say at last. ‘I can’t. I’ll have to wear something out of my wardrobe. I promised him.’
Suddenly I feel a bit flat. I mean, not that I was holding the party just so I could have a new dress. But still.
‘So … how is the party going?’ asks Suze after a pause.
‘Really great!’ I say at once, in a brushing-off way. ‘All fine. I’ll send you an invitation when they’re ready.’
‘Good! And you don’t need any help or anything?’
‘Help?’ I say a bit sharply. ‘Why would I need help? It’s all totally under control.’
I’ll show her. Wait till she sees my shopping-bag pom-poms.
‘Excellent! Well, I look forward to it. I’m sure it’ll be brilliant.’ She starts swinging again, not meeting my eye.
She doesn’t believe me, does she? I know she doesn’t. I’m about to challenge her when a shout draws my attention.
‘There they are! There are the devils!’ A middle-aged man with a red face is coming out of the house next-door to this one, gesticulating at me.
‘Who’s that?’ murmurs Suze.
‘Dunno,’ I say in an undertone. ‘We’ve never met the neighbours. The estate agents said an old man lived there. They said he was ill and never left the house … Can I help you?’ I raise my voice.
‘Help me?’ He glares at me. ‘You could help by explaining what you’ve done to my house! I’m calling the police!’
Suze and I exchange wary glances. Am I moving in next to a nutter?
‘I haven’t done anything to your house!’ I call back.
‘Well, who’s stolen my bedrooms then?’
What?
Before I can answer, our estate agent bustles out into the garden. He’s called Magnus and wears chalk-striped suits and has a very low, discreet voice.
‘Mrs Brandon, I’ll deal with this. Is there a problem?’ he says, ‘Mr …’
‘Evans.’ The man approaches Magnus and they have a conversation over the garden fence, which I can only hear tiny snippets of. But since those snippets include the words sue, outrageous and daylight robbery, I’m agog.
‘You don’t think anything’s wrong, do you?’ I say anxiously to Suze.
‘Of course not!’ she says at once in reassuring tones. ‘It’s probably just some little neighbourly misunderstanding. One of those things you can clear up over a cup of tea. Maybe it’s about … the hedge!’ she adds hurriedly, as Mr Evans starts shaking his fist at Magnus.
‘Do you get that upset about a hedge?’ I say uncertainly.
The conversation is getting louder and the snippets are bigger.
‘…take a sledgehammer myself … evil devils need punishing …’
‘Very well.’ Magnus looks deathly as he comes hurrying over the grass to us. ‘Mrs Brandon, a small matter has arisen, involving the bedrooms of your property. According to this neighbour, several of them have been … appropriated from his property.’
‘What?’ I stare at him blankly.
‘He believes that someone has knocked through the adjoining wall and … stolen his bedrooms. Three of them, to be precise.’
Suze gasps. ‘I thought it looked too big!’
‘But you told us it had eight bedrooms! It was on the house details!’