‘Minnie!’ comes a cheerful, booming voice. ‘How’s my best little customer?’
Damn. It’s Pete, who usually drives us to Kingston when we go shopping.
I mean, not that we go that often.
‘Pete sometimes drives us to the … the … educational soft-play centre,’ I say quickly to Nanny Sue.
‘Tax-eee!’ Minnie is getting that red-cheeked, angry-bull look. Oh God. I can’t risk a tantrum in front of Nanny Sue. Maybe we could take a taxi somewhere.
‘So.’ Pete leans out of his window. ‘Where is it today, my beauties?’
‘Star-bucks,’ enunciates Minnie carefully before I can speak. ‘Starbucks-shops.’
‘Your usual, then?’ Pete says cheerfully. ‘Hop in!’
I feel my face flood with colour.
‘We’re not going to Starbucks, Minnie!’ I say shrilly. ‘What a … a crazy idea! Could you take us to the educational softplay centre, please, Pete? That one in Leatherhead that we go to all the time?’
My eyes are fixed desperately on his, willing him not to say, ‘What are you talking about?’
‘Muffin?’ Minnie turns hopeful eyes on me. ‘Muffin Starbucks?’
‘No, Minnie!’ I snap. ‘Now, you be a good girl or you’ll get a Naughty Ribbon.’ I take the Naughty Ribbon out of my bag and brandish it ominously at her. Instantly Minnie holds her hands out.
‘Mine! Miiiine!’
She wasn’t supposed to want the Naughty Ribbon.
‘Maybe later,’ I say, flustered, and shove it back in my bag. This is all Nanny Sue’s fault. She’s putting me off.
We get in and I buckle Minnie up, and Pete pulls away from the kerb.
‘Rebecca,’ says Nanny Sue pleasantly, ‘if you do have errands to do, please don’t feel constrained by me. I’m very happy to go to the shops, or do whatever you would normally do.’
‘This is it!’ I try to sound natural. ‘This is our normal routine! Educational play! Have a snack, darling,’ I add to Minnie, and produce a spelt biscuit which I got from the health-food shop. She looks at it dubiously, licks it, then chucks it on the floor and yells, ‘Muffin! Muffin STARBUCKS!’
My face flames red.
‘Starbucks is … the name of our friend’s cat,’ I improvise desperately. ‘And Muffin is the other cat. Minnie’s such an animal-lover, aren’t you, darling?’
‘Have you seen the great white elephant?’ Pete’s voice comes cheerily from the front. ‘They’ve opened it at last!’
We’ve arrived at the junction where the road joins the dual carriageway, and are sitting in a line of traffic. Suddenly I see what Pete’s pointing at. It’s a massive black and white hoarding, reading:
HEATHFIELD VILLAGE!
NEW LUXURY OUTLET MALL OPENS TODAY!
Wow. They’ve been talking about opening that place for ages. My eyes slide further down the hoarding.
SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY OFFERS TODAY!
FREE GIFT FOR EACH CUSTOMER!
NEXT EXIT!
Free gift for each customer?
I mean, it’s probably nothing to get excited about. It’ll be a tiny scented candle or one single chocolate or something. And the place is probably nothing much either. Anyway, I’m not even interested in some new shopping mall, because we haven’t come out to go shopping, have we? We’ve come out to do educational, bonding things.
‘Look at the clouds,’ I say to Minnie, and point out of the opposite window self-consciously. ‘Do you know how clouds are made, darling? It’s with … er … water.’
Do I mean water vapour? Or steam?
‘Burberry,’ says Pete with interest. ‘Now, that’s good-quality stuff. My son-in-law, he gets all the fakes from Hong Kong, and he says—’
Burberry? My head jerks round and I see another massive hoarding – this time listing all the designers in the outlet.
Burberry. Matthew Williamson. Dolce & Gabbana. Oh my God.
Anya Hindmarch. Temperley Vivienne Westwood? All at discount prices? Yards away?
The taxi edges forward again and I feel a pull of alarm. We’ll be past the exit in a minute. It’ll be too late.
OK, let’s just think this through properly. Let’s be rational. I know we’re supposed to be going to Leatherhead and bouncing around a ball-pit. But the thing is … Nanny Sue said she didn’t mind if we went shopping. She actually said it.
Not that I’d buy anything for myself. Obviously. I’m keeping my promise. But this is a brand-new, state-of-the-art discount shopping centre with free gifts. We can’t just drive past. It’s … it’s … wrong. It’s ungrateful. It’s against the laws of nature. And I’m allowed to buy things for Minnie, aren’t I? It’s part of the duties of a mother to keep your child clothed.
I glance at the list again. Petit Bateau. Ralph Lauren Girls and Boys. Funky Kid. Baby in Urbe. I feel a bit breathless. This is a no-brainer.
‘You know, I’ve just remembered, I do need to get Minnie some new socks.’ I try to sound off-hand. ‘So we could pop into this new mall instead of the softplay Just an idea. What do you think?’
‘It’s up to you.’ Nanny Sue lifts her hands. ‘Entirely’
‘So, um, Pete, could you take us to the outlet mall instead?’ I raise my voice. ‘Thanks so much!’
‘Better clear my boot then, hadn’t I?’ He turns and flashes a grin at me. ‘Ready for all the bags.’
I smile weakly back. I’ll tell Nanny Sue later that he has a really quirky sense of humour.