‘Because I can’t do it.’ A fresh tear runs down my nose. ‘It’s all a disaster. I bartered for this marquee, but it’s all mouldy and I’ll never clean it in time, and it’s not even big enough. And then I ran out of money, so I was going to ask for a raise, but I got suspended from work, and Luke’s going to Paris anyway …’ I wipe my eyes. ‘What’s the point? What’s the point even trying any more?’
Elinor is running her gaze coldly over the marquee.
‘Do you have no one to help you with this endeavour? Your friend Susan, perhaps?’
God, I had no idea she even knew Suze’s name.
‘I kind of …’ I break off and flush. ‘I told all my friends I didn’t want their help.’
It’s really getting dark now and I can barely see Elinor. I’m just psyching myself to ask if she would like a cup of tea, hoping she’ll say no, when she speaks again, sounding even more stiff and awkward than usual.
‘I have remembered the conversation we had and considered it often over the past few weeks. You are a perceptive young woman, Rebecca. I have never given anything to Luke outright. There have always been … expectations attached. Now I would like to give him something. Unconditionally. And that is why I should like to help you.’
‘Elinor …’ I wince. ‘It’s kind of you. It really is. But like I said, there’s no point. Even if Luke doesn’t go to Paris, I can’t put this party together in time.’ I lift up a mouldy flap of marquee and let it drop. ‘You expect me to entertain two hundred people in this?’
‘So you’re simply giving up?’
I feel stung by her tone. What does she care? It’s not her party. She’s not even invited.
‘I suppose so.’ I shrug. ‘Yes. I am.’
‘I find this disturbing.’ She eyes me stonily. ‘I have never known you give up on any project before. You have been misguided, yes. Unpolished, yes. Impulsive, yes. Foolish, yes.’
Is she trying to make me feel better?
‘OK, thanks,’ I interrupt. ‘I get the picture.’
‘But you have always been tenacious,’ continues Elinor as though I haven’t spoken. ‘You have always refused to give in, whatever factors are mounting against you. It is one of the things I’ve always admired about you.’
She’s always admired me? Now I’ve heard it all.
‘Well, maybe this one is just too big, OK?’ I say wearily. ‘Maybe I’m not Superwoman.’
‘If the will is there, anything is achievable with enough resources.’
‘Yes, well that’s the whole point!’ I erupt in frustration. ‘Don’t you understand? I’ve been suspended from work! My credit cards are all used up! I don’t have any bloody—’
‘I have resources.’ Elinor cuts me off.
I stare at her uncertainly for a few moments. Is she saying … She can’t be …
‘I have resources,’ she repeats. ‘We could … do it together.’
Oh my God.
Together? Is she trying to come on board as joint hostess?
‘Elinor …’ The idea is so preposterous I almost want to laugh. ‘You can’t be serious. Luke would … He’d be …’
‘Luke would not know. Luke would never know.’ She sounds so resolute, I stare at her, taken aback. She really means this, doesn’t she?
‘Mummy!’ Minnie comes rocketing out of the house, then stops dead in astonishment. ‘Ladeee!’ She throws herself on Elinor with delight.
‘Elinor …’ I rub my forehead. ‘You can’t just … Do you know how bad things are? Do you know how Luke would react if—’
‘I do know. This is why I am asking you for this chance.’ Her face is as stony as ever, but suddenly I notice the tiny quivering by her eye that I noticed before.
Unless it’s just the dusky light.
‘It is impossible for me to give anything to Luke.’ Her voice is entirely without self-pity. ‘He has cut me out of his life. He mistrusts me. Any gift I attempted to make would be met with short shrift. If you say yes to my offer, then you are giving me the opportunity to make Luke an unconditional gift. Perhaps even to make my own reparation.’ Elinor pauses. ‘The kind of gift … that his real mother would have made him.’
What? Did she just call Annabel his real mother?
I swallow, several times. This is all getting too heavy. I’m not sure I can cope. It was easier when Elinor was just the big bad witch that we never saw.
‘If you refuse my offer,’ she adds, as matter-of-fact as ever, ‘then you are denying me this privilege.’
‘Puzzle?’ Minnie is tugging hopefully at Elinor’s bag. ‘Puzzle?’
‘Here you are, Minnie.’ Elinor reaches into her bag, pulls out one of the puzzles that she had earlier in the Ritz, and presents it to Minnie. Then she looks directly at me. ‘Please.’
My mind is shooting back and forth helplessly like a pinball. I can’t … I mustn’t … I could …
Luke would never know …
No, I can’t …
But we wouldn’t have to cancel … Luke would get his party …
‘Perhaps you need time to think about it,’ says Elinor, and I look up, focusing on her as though for the first time. Standing there, holding her expensive bag with two gloved hands, her hair gusting a little in the wind, she looks pale and old and shadowy. And almost … humble.