"What? What?" he asked, disoriented.
"It's just me, Jake. Sorry I woke you."
He turned to look at me, blinking and confused. "Bella?"
"Hey, sleepy."
"Oh, man! Did I fall asleep? I'm sorry! How long was I out?"
"A few Emerils. I lost count."
He flopped back on the couch next to me. "Wow. Sorry about that, really."
I patted his hair, trying to smooth the wild disarray. "Don't feel bad. I'm glad you got some sleep."
He yawned and stretched. "I'm useless these days. No wonder Billy's always gone. I'm so boring."
"You're fine," I assured him.
"Ugh, let's go outside. I need to walk around or I'll pass out again."
"Jake, go back to sleep. I'm good. I'll call Edward to come pick me up." I patted my pockets as I spoke, and realized they were empty. "Shoot, I'll have to borrow your phone. I think I must have left his in the car." I started to unfold myself.
"No!" Jacob insisted, grabbing my hand. "No, stay. You hardly ever make it down. I can't believe I wasted all this time."
He pulled me off the couch as he spoke, and then led the way outside, ducking his head as he passed under the doorframe. It had gotten much cooler while Jacob slept; the air was unseasonably cold - there must be a storm on the way. It felt like February, not May.
The wintry air seemed to make Jacob more alert. He paced back and forth in front of the house for a minute, dragging me along with him.
"I'm an idiot," he muttered to himself.
"What's the matter, Jake? So you fell asleep." I shrugged.
"I wanted to talk to you. I can't believe this."
"Talk to me now," I said.
Jacob met my eyes for a second, and then looked away quickly toward the trees. It almost looked like he was blushing, but it was hard to tell with his dark skin.
I suddenly remembered what Edward had said when he dropped me off - that Jacob would tell me whatever he was shouting in his head. I started gnawing on my lip.
"Look," Jacob said. "I was planning to do this a little bit differently." He laughed, and it sounded like he was laughing at himself. "Smoother," he added. "I was going to work up to it, but" - and he looked at the clouds, dimmer as the afternoon progressed - "I'm out of time to work."
He laughed again, nervous. We were still pacing slowly.
"What are you talking about?" I demanded.
He took a deep breath. "I want to tell you something. And you already know it . . . but I think I should say it out loud anyway. Just so there's never any confusion on the subject."
I planted my feet, and he came to a stop. I took my hand away and folded my arms across my chest. I was suddenly sure that I didn't want to know what he was building up to.
Jacob's eyebrows pulled down, throwing his deep-set eyes into shadow. They were pitch black as they bored into mine.
"I'm in love with you, Bella," Jacob said in a strong, sure voice. "Bella, I love you. And I want you to pick me instead of him. I know you don't feel that way, but I need the truth out there so that you know your options. I wouldn't want a miscommunication to stand in our way."
Chapter 15. WAGER
I STARED AT HIM FOR A LONG MINUTE, SPEECHLESS. I could not think of one thing to say to him.
As he watched my dumbfounded expression, the seriousness left his face.
"Okay," he said, grinning. "That's all."
"Jake -" It felt like there was something big sticking in my throat. I tried to clear the obstruction. "I can't - I mean I don't . . . I have to go."
I turned, but he grabbed my shoulders and spun me around.
"No, wait. I know that, Bella. But, look, answer me this, all right? Do you want me to go away and never see you again? Be honest."
It was hard to concentrate on his question, so it took a minute to answer. "No, I don't want that," I finally admitted.
Jacob grinned again. "See."
"But I don't want you around for the same reason that you want me around," I objected.
"Tell me exactly why you want me around, then."
I thought carefully. "I miss you when you're not there. When you're happy," I qualified carefully, "it makes me happy. But I could say the same thing about Charlie, Jacob. You're family. I love you, but I'm not in love with you."
He nodded, unruffled. "But you do want me around."
"Yes." I sighed. He was impossible to discourage.
"Then I'll stick around."
"You're a glutton for punishment," I grumbled.
"Yep." He stroked the tips of his fingers across my right cheek. I slapped his hand away.
"Do you think you could behave yourself a little better, at least?" I asked, irritated.
"No, I don't. You decide, Bella. You can have me the way I am - bad behavior included - or not at all."
I stared at him, frustrated. "That's mean."
"So are you."
That pulled me up short, and I took an involuntary step back. He was right. If I wasn't mean - and greedy, too - I would tell him I didn't want to be friends and walk away. It was wrong to try to keep my friend when that would hurt him. I didn't know what I was doing here, but I was suddenly sure that it wasn't good.
"You're right," I whispered.
He laughed. "I forgive you. Just try not to get too mad at me. Because I recently decided that I'm not giving up. There really is something irresistible about a lost cause."
"Jacob." I stared into his dark eyes, trying to make him take me seriously. "I love him, Jacob. He's my whole life."