A surge of power grabbed my muscles and I yanked my wrists apart. Silver links strained, fighting my strength, but they didn’t stand a chance.
With a gentle pinging, the chain snapped free and slithered off my wrists.
“No—wait.” Zel froze.
Grabbing her waist with fierce fingers, I pressed her hard, driving upward. “I’m fine. Really. Don’t stop. Don’t stop f**king me, Zel.”
Her face held two battling desires: wanting to continue and wanting to run. Eventually wanting to continue won and she allowed me to rock her hips, propelling upward.
Together we thrust and ground against each other, taking and giving and f**king. The last band of release gave me something new. Gone was the violent urge to fill her, now I wanted to wrap her in clouds and protect her from everything. I felt almost weightless, buoyant.
Complete.
I gathered her to me in the gentlest hug I could manage.
Her arms came around my neck, pressing her br**sts against me. My heart exploded with tenderness. I never thought I could receive such a sought after gift.
Such a simple thing, but it changed my world.
The first time I’d hugged anyone since Vasily.
The first time I’d allowed anyone to hug me back.
“Tell me why you’re naked, operative.”
I hung my head, avoiding looking at my dangling cock. “Because I fell asleep with no clothes on, sir.”
“And now you’ll preform the mission with no protection while your white ass glows for your victim to see. You’re a prime target. I doubt you’ll make it back alive tonight.”
“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.”
The rest of the cadets looked at me with a mix of smugness and pity. Six of us had been selected for tonight’s mission. All of them wore black. Everyone but me.
The commander presented us with our customary hunting knife, half-moon blades, and gun with silencer. He pointed toward the awaiting van that would drive us to the kill site.
I fumbled with the three weapons. With no place to store, I had to figure out a way to hold them.
My handler smirked. “You were always too bold, Fox. Tonight you’ll learn the hard way.”
And he was right.
That night I was shot in my ass running away from the security guards of the diplomat I’d murdered. His blood covered my bare skin, mingling with my own from the bullet wound.
Vasily was the one who helped clean and dress my wound. Only eight-years-old, but adapt at triage already.
Never again did I sleep naked. I would never make that mistake twice.
I shot upright, blinking, panicking.
No light.
Nothing but compressing, smothering darkness.
My eyes flew to the window where the stars and moon mocked me. You fell asleep before the sun was here to protect you. It’s our turn to make you suffer.
I fell backward, screaming as the memory of killing my brother—the one I tried so hard to avoid—crashed over me with a tidal wave of misery.
“Roan. Please—” Vasily’s face was streaked with tears, his nose streaming with mucus. My handler marched beside me, digging a cattle prod into my side while I dragged my baby brother along with a hard grip around his neck.
“Let me go. I promise I won’t say anything. I promise, Roan.”
My black heart had died back at the training camp, and my eyes were dry as a bone.
I knew where we were going, and I knew I would die beside my brother—either tonight or tomorrow or the day after. It didn’t matter. We were both doomed.
The moment we arrived at the pit, my handler pressed the trigger and sent a huge bolt of electricity through my body. My fingers locked involuntarily around Vasily’s neck, and we plummeted to the floor of the three metre deep pit.
My body weight crushed Vasily’s leg, breaking it in two places. His wails and screams scared wolves and owls far away from our grave.
They left us there for three days.
Starving, freezing, huddling together for warmth and catching snowflakes on our tongue for hydration, Vasily grew weaker every day. His lungs rattled with liquid, coughing and rasping with pneumonia.
Even if by some miracle I found a way out of there, he would die anyway.
So I did the only thing I could for my brother.
I kissed his cheeks and tasted his tears and we hugged goodbye with promises of finding each other in another life.
And then I broke his neck.
The crack of his spine heralded my handler as if he’d been waiting all along.
They hauled me out and patted my back and walked me back as a hero.
“Fox! Fox! Roan! Wake up!”
I jolted awake again, sucking down huge gulps of oxygen. My heart raced as if I’d been drowning, my eyes wild as I looked around the room. Zel had turned on a false sun in the form of a bedside light.
I’d done two things I swore I would never do again: fall asleep na**d and sleep with no sunlight.
My skin crawled, and I lurched backward, crushing the pillows against the headboard.
Zel held out her hand, fear and sorrow misting her eyes.
I looked to her hand and shook my head. “Don’t touch me. I can’t guarantee I’ll be safe.” My voice was hoarse as if I’d been screaming in my sleep.
Her arm dropped and she plucked the sheet covering her legs. Her na**d br**sts glowed with warmth from the small bedside light.
I needed silence, and I needed time. Time to put myself back together.
I hated that Zel had seen me weak. Seen how truly f**ked up my brain was. I frowned as panic clenched my heart. “I didn’t say anything—did I?”
She’ll never trust me around Clara if she knows what I did to Vasily.
She shook her head. “You spoke in gibberish or Russian. All I heard was your brother’s name, but that’s it.”
Fisting my hands, I forced my body to relax. She didn’t know the worst of it—she would never know how many children I’d been forced to dispatch. I would take that secret with me to my grave.
Minutes ticked past as we stayed on opposite sides of the bed. Zel didn’t say a word, but her eyes yelled never-ending questions in my direction. Every part of my body wanted to get up, to punch something, to fight.
My eyes dropped to my scarred torso. Every burn, every punishment mocked me and I couldn’t stay na**d another minute. I felt too exposed, too vulnerable, too weak.
Black. I need black.
Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I went to stand, but Zel murmured, “Wait. I’ll help you.” She crawled toward me, ignoring the sheet twisting around her legs. “Lie on your stomach.”
My heart exploded. “You think you can touch me?” I shook my head violently. “Not going to happen. I—”