“I didn’t ask to be let off the hook,” he pointed out.
“Yeah, nice guys don’t but they still want to be,” I replied.
“Don’t tell me what I want, Mara. I’m seein’ with this shit that, again, you have no clue what I want.”
“Okay, then I’ll tell you what I want. What I want is not to be standing out in the breezeway arguing with you when I’ve got a million things on my mind. What I want is for you to stop butting into my life by getting out of it!”
My anger had built up so quickly I didn’t realize his had too and his surpassed mine. But I noticed this when he leaned into me, his face hard, his eyes flashing with a muscle jumping in his cheek.
“I was right. Your head is right up your ass but the problem now is you got two kids you gotta worry about and you can’t stumble through life with your head up your ass at the same time taking care of two kids.”
In our anger race, at his words, I pulled ahead and leaned into him too.
“Stop telling me I have my head up my ass, Detective Mitch Lawson. I’ve got my eyes wide open. I’ve always had my eyes wide open.”
“You’re totally f**kin’ blind.”
“You don’t know me enough to say something like that,” I snapped.
“Mara, I know you a lot more than you think and you’re not only blind, you’re clueless.”
“I’m not clueless!” I hissed.
He clenched his jaw and stared at me. Then he leaned back and swept me from top-to-toe with his eyes before they locked on mine.
“Thought it was worth it,” he muttered like he was talking to himself. “Totally f**kin’ wrong. Not f**kin’ worth it.”
I knew what he was saying. I knew exactly what he was saying. I should have been ecstatic that he figured it out. Instead it felt like he’d shoved a knife in my heart and twisted.
Before I could get used to the pain, Mitch concluded, “You got it, baby? Go for it.” Then he turned and sauntered through the breezeway.
I saw him lift a hand and his chin slightly and my horrified eyes went to Bradon and Brent’s door to see Brent standing there. His head moved back and forth between Mitch jogging down the steps and me standing, breathing heavily outside my door.
“Hey Brent,” I called, my voice trembling just as the tears that I felt were in my eyes were doing.
“Hey girl, you okay?” Brent asked.
“Perfect!” I lied, trying to sound chirpy and totally failing so I decided to escape. “See you!” I said and I turned to my door, opened it and dashed inside.
Billy and Billie looked at me.
“Mitch can’t take you to school today but I can. After school you’re going to hang with me at the store,” I informed them. “Won’t that be fun?”
Billie’s arms went up in the air. I noticed she had grape jelly smeared on her face and I also noticed more than a little of it was smeared on the bar and her hands and she shouted, “Yippee!”
Mental note: do not leave Billie alone with the jelly.
I looked to Billy to see his eyes go to the door and he stared at it contemplatively for several seconds before his eyes came back to me. Then his face went hard.
Then he said, “Okay, Auntie Mara.”
I closed my eyes. Then I sighed. Then I hustled the kids through the rest of their morning and took them to school.
Chapter Seven
People Like Me
I looked through Mr. Pierson’s office window to the cavernous space that was filled with bed and mattress displays.
Yesterday, my first day with the kids, I’d finally pulled myself together enough to remember that Roberta had the day off. So I’d called her and told her all that went down (well, most of it, I left out all things Mitch). I asked if she could help out and she’d instantly said yes. So I took my lunch hour to pick up the kids from school, took them to Roberta’s and went to go get them after work.
Now they were out in the store. Billie, luckily being quiet for once, was standing next to Roberta who was with customers. Billy was sprawled on a bed playing a video game that Roberta brought in to help him fill the time.
Yesterday I’d also told Mr. Pierson about my change in life circumstances and asked for some leeway while I got the kids sorted. Not surprisingly, he’d agreed.
“Can’t make it a habit, Mara, honey, but until you set them up, do what you need to do,” he’d said. He then asked, “Now, how can Mrs. Pierson and I help?”
That was Mr. Pierson. Totally a nice guy.
Therefore, today the kids were in the store with me until I could sort out afterschool childcare. First I had to sort out how I was going to pay for afterschool childcare. I’d called a couple of places and what they’d quoted, especially since the hours I needed them ran late, was a resounding strike to my budget for just one kid. Two was crippling.
I had a nest egg which I had carefully built up so any unforeseen emergencies wouldn’t crush me. Once I had that at five thousand dollars, I let it sit in a savings account and started to build up my “I’m Going to Own My Own House One Day Damn It” account. This was building up too and was relatively healthy. Not to the point I could buy my own house, or even close, but it wasn’t anything to sneeze at.
Pierson’s Mattress and Bed was a big warehouse store, we had all your mattress and bed needs. Including entire bedroom suites and contracts with contractors who would build built-in wardrobes and units that surrounded beds and stuff like that. Our price range fit everyone’s budget. I didn’t do too badly. We moved a lot of product because everyone knew they could find something at Pierson’s and buy it from friendly, helpful salespeople. Then, after purchase, they had their wares delivered on time, during an unheard of two-hour window, instead of having to wait all day for the guys to show up whenever they showed up. Mr. Pierson guaranteed it on all of his commercials. That two-hour window set him above all his competitors. No one wanted to hang around waiting for their mattresses all day.
This meant I lived well. I had a nice car. Great furniture. Decent quality clothes. A nest egg. A house account. The money to be able to afford to buy my friends really, freaking great birthday and Christmas presents.
But I didn’t live large. No way.
And I didn’t want Billy and Billie to live small. Just taking on afterschool childcare, living small was exactly where life was leading us and I didn’t know how to do anything about that.
Then again, they’d been living small for awhile, tiny, so anything I could do was better than what they were used to.