Mom glared at Elvira.
Aunt Lulamae tugged at her arm.
Mom stood firm and moved her glare to Mitch.
All I could see was Mitch’s back but he stood firm too.
Aunt Lulamae tugged at her arm again.
Mom transferred her glare to me.
Then she sneered.
Then she whispered, “What was I thinkin’? You were never worth the trouble. Never.”
I saw Mitch’s body get tight out of the corner of my eyes but I held my mother’s glare. I didn’t bother myself to reply because I knew she was wrong and, seriously, she wasn’t worth any additional effort.
Mom waited.
Elvira and Mitch stood firm.
Aunt Lulamae again tugged Mom’s arm.
“Bitch,” Mom hissed, turned on her platform stripper shoe and stomped out.
And that was it. The last thing my mother likely would say to me.
Figured.
Aunt Lulamae avoided all eyes and followed.
Elvira shut and locked the door.
I sighed.
Mitch turned on his boot and stalked toward me.
My relief evaporated at the look on his face and the intensity of his gait. I had a second to brace before he was right in my space. Then I was in his arms. Then he was kissing me, hard, deep and wet. The kiss was a surprise but it was also a kiss from Mitch which was to say a really good one so I melted in his arms and mine circled his shoulders.
Finally, he tore his mouth from mine, my eyes fluttered open and I saw his burning into mine.
“That was…fucking…phenomenal,” he whispered fiercely.
Oh. Now I understood the intensity and the kiss.
I grinned and pressed closer.
Then I whispered back, “Thanks.”
Mitch grinned too and his arms gave me a squeeze.
“Mm-hmm, that one’s good,” we heard Elvira mutter and we looked her way to see she had her phone up and pointed at us. I heard what sounded like a camera phone shutter click then, “Nope,” she went on, “that one’s better.”
“Uh…what are you doing?” I asked and Elvira looked from her phone to me.
“I get that it’s bad timin’, hon, but my girls are chompin’ at the bit about you. Me and Tess been givin’ them the lowdown but neither of us have pictorial verification that Mitch got himself a sweet little hottie. Gwen, Cam and Beanpole have been all over Tess and me and even though Tess said things are intense with you two, they’re gettin’ impatient. Cam and Beanpole, I can handle. But Gwen is Hawk’s woman, Hawk’s my boss and Hawk pretty much gives her anything she wants. And when I say that, he buys her twelve hundred dollar shoes.”
She looked back to her phone and started hitting buttons as I blinked at the idea of a man buying a woman twelve hundred dollar shoes at the same time blinking at the fact that there were twelve hundred shoes. I mean, in some vague recess of my mind, I knew such entities existed but only in some vague recess of my mind.
As I struggled with this information as well as recovery from the aftermath of a Trailer Trash Trio Trauma and Mitch’s “I’m proud of you” kiss, Elvira continued.
“So, Gwen recruited Hawk to put the pressure on. He pretty much don’t care who Mitch is givin’ the business. He does care about Gwen, givin’ her what she wants and, probably more importantly, gettin’ her to shut up about it. And Hawk’s kinda scary. Even to me. So I’ll just text them this photo. Give them somethin’ to go on.” She kept hitting buttons and kept talking. “We’ll schedule a sit down so they can give you the third degree over cosmos. I’m thinkin’ Club ‘cause they got them kickass glasses. Or the Cruise Room. I’ll set it up.”
I looked from Elvira, who was still punching buttons to Mitch, who was staring at Elvira like he didn’t know whether to laugh or kick her ass out.
Then I looked back to Elvira who was still punching buttons.
“Are you saying that you’re texting photos of Mitch and me to women I don’t know?”
She looked from her phone to me. “Yep, kind of. Actually, I’m texting them photos of you in Mitch’s arms.”
Those arms tightened as I asked, “But why?”
“Because they know Mitch,” she answered instantly. “They also like Mitch and they wanna be certain Mitch is with a woman they approve of. Now, you just had a drama and before that spent the day with Mitch and two kids at Elitch’s and you still look hot. I included this intel with my picture texts. This’ll go over good. Not a lotta women look good after a day with two kids in an amusement park. I tell them about the exhaust yourself, run yourself ragged, bleed yourself dry speech you laid out about two kids that aren’t even yours, that’ll go over good too. But you gotta do cosmos in a little black dress to really win them over and that’s on you.”
“I don’t own a little black dress,” I told her.
Her attention went back to her phone. “That’s okay, we’ll go shoppin’.”
“Uh…I need to hire an attorney not shop for a little black dress,” I reminded her.
She pressed a button, muttered, “There.” Then she looked at me. “Right, so, quick, I mentioned Hawk. He’s a scary-ass, motherfucking commando. When I say that, I do not lie. So I’ll repeat, he’s a scary-ass, motherfucking commando. So, when your mind conjures up a vision of a commando, that’s Hawk. And Hawk likes kids. But he don’t like kids bein’ scared and bein’ used for bullshit family dramas. I tell him this, which, by the way, I’m totally tellin’ him this, even though he don’t know those kids, like, at all, he’s gonna go psycho badass, motherfucking commando and the Trailer Trash Twins won’t know what hit ‘em.”
Holy cow.
“Elvira –” Mitch started, his voice low, one of his arms dropping, his body turning toward Elvira but she wasn’t to be denied.
“Sorry, Mitch. Good as done.”
“Do not get Hawk involved in this,” Mitch ordered.
“Right, so, quick for you,” she stated. “Your woman is hot, she’s got curves, she’s got ass, she’s got legs, my guess is, you’ve noticed that. Now, she might drink cosmos with us girls but she’ll come home, drunk, to you in a little black dress. You want that and not her money goin’ to attorneys to deal once and for all with those skanky ‘ho’s, you turn the other cheek and I let loose Hawk and his band of not-so-merry men. That way, not only do you get your woman home drunk in a little black dress, you get to turn your attention to those two kids, one of ‘em who is across the way right now, scared outta his little kid brain.”