“I’m chic and cosmopolitan. Women like that are always intriguing and mysterious.”
“Baby, I knew you all of two minutes when you told me your husband was murdered while doin’ your high school arch-nemesis. That’s intriguing, yeah, but it sure as f**k isn’t mysterious.”
He was right which was also annoying so I just glared at him.
“You also told me you knew me,” he reminded me.
“I do,” I again confirmed then went for the gusto because, what the heck, in my efforts to get him to back off, nothing else was working. “In fact, I borderline internet stalked you.”
I thought he would let me go instantly, repulsed by this news, or at the very least it would creep him out, but instead he started chuckling.
Chuckling!
“That isn’t funny either, that’s creepy,” I informed him.
“You aren’t the first,” he replied which was definitely the truth; Teri was way into him before he even quit football and went into the Army. “And you won’t be the last,” he finished.
“It’s still creepy.”
“Paparazzi was in your business, a picture of you was in front of my face, Kia, baby, seriously, I would look. You were in that dress, I’d look for awhile. You were in a bikini…” he trailed off.
I belatedly forced my arms between us but only succeeded in getting them trapped with my hands flat against the hard wall of his chest. This was another mistake. I’d already had a variety of opportunities to experience the hard parts of his body; I certainly didn’t need another one. It was distracting.
“Okay, can we change the subject?” I requested though at that moment, pressed to him tight when he was accepting me even though I was laying out all my dark secrets, proving without a doubt he should take me back to the hotel, drop me off and never look back, I didn’t know what subject to change it to.
It didn’t matter, as I was becoming accustomed with Sam, I didn’t get the chance.
“No,” he answered.
I rolled my eyes.
“Gettin’ back to the point,” he started and I rolled my eyes back to him. “You said you knew me.”
“Yes.”
“Well, you know what I did. If I didn’t know how to figure people out, what I did, I’d be dead. I was taught to pay attention, close attention. I do it out of habit. I do it with you out of interest. And I’m gonna keep being straight…”
Great. He was going to keep being straight. Wonderful.
He kept being straight.
“I know you’re freaked, I know you’re scared and I know you can come up with a million reasons that you’re not ready, all of which will be excuses. But now that I know exactly what’s behind those shields you got up, baby, and just how flimsy those shields are, you gotta know that knowin’ that makes me no less into you.”
My irritation leaked right out of me, I felt my body start to melt against his and I whispered, “Sam –”
“In fact, it makes me more into you.”
Oh man.
“Sam –”
“And you’ll learn,” his arms got tighter, his face dipped closer and his voice got sweet and gentle, “because I’ll prove it to you, I’ll never hurt you.”
I stared into his eyes and I asked quietly, “Well, will you let me finish a sentence?”
His eyes flared with humor then he said, “Sure.”
“Thanks,” I said back, partially sarcastically and his eyes flared with humor again. Then I got serious and laid it out. “You’re right. I’m freaked, I’m scared and there are a million reasons I’m not ready and I’m not certain all those are excuses.”
“Kia –”
I slid my hand up his chest and touched my fingers to his lips. He went quiet and I slid it back down.
Then I finished on a whisper, “But this isn’t about me. This is about you. You’re a good guy, you can be annoying, but I can tell you’re a good guy. And, seriously, please listen to me, men that are good men, they deserve better, Sam. They deserve the best. And you shouldn’t settle for anything less.”
I watched in the waning light as his eyes grew heated and felt as his arms stayed lock around me tight.
Then he whispered back, “Yeah, totally full of shit.”
I blinked at his bizarre response to my heartfelt words that I thought were very nice and he went on.
“The thing I didn’t get before is that you not only have no clue, you also have no clue you’re full of shit.”
“Sam, I’m not full of shit.”
Suddenly, his head dipped down but to the side and his mouth was at my ear.
“You get that he took something precious from you, your ability to trust. But, I hate to break this to you, honey, he took more and whatever your girl was tellin’ you on the phone that made you freak and if you’d open your eyes to what’s happenin’ right now, you’d see what he took was more precious even than trust and you’d see you got people around you who want to help you get it back. Do not f**k up and let that opportunity slide. He took that from you, now’s your time to fight and get it back.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’ll see.”
“Sam –”
“Just live in the now, Kia, keep livin’ in the now and when I say that, right now, I mean with me and I promise, you’ll see.”
“That doesn’t make me any less scared, Sam,” I whispered in his ear and he lifted his head and looked down at me.
“He strapped you with that too, baby. Fight back and learn to be fearless.”
Something about his words struck hard and it struck deep.
I had lived in fear a long time. I couldn’t remember the last time I woke up and didn’t spend every second of every day living in fear. Even now, even after Cooter was gone, I woke up filled with fear.
It had gone so long I had no clue how to be fearless.
“I don’t think I can,” I admitted.
“You can, everyone can.”
“I’m not sure that’s me.”
“Okay, when you can’t, you learn how to be.”
“Sam, I don’t –”
I stopped speaking when his arms gave me a squeeze and he asked, “Where are you?”
“Sorry?”
“Where are you right now, Kia?”
“In Lake Como.”
He grinned.
Then he bent close again and whispered, “You’re in the arms of the man you borderline internet stalked a day after he asked you out on a date. You didn’t take today to run away. You didn’t sit in your room, listen to me knock and not answer the door. You put on a dress, you walked with me to a euro-trash car and you went out with me. If there’s fear in there somewhere, I don’t see it. What I see is, today you may have been nervous, but you didn’t let that cripple you and right now, you’re here with me. Baby, you’re already fearless.”