She didn’t answer or maybe her answer was her skip-dancing away.
I looked at Max and took a bite of my breakfast.
“What was that about?” Max asked, not moving toward me.
“What?” I asked back, my mouth full, well beyond thinking it rude to speak with my mouth full.
“Closed up tight for two days, you share a tragedy and you do it like that?” Max asked and it dawned on me that he looked angry. “What’s that about?” he demanded to know.
“Mindy was asking,” I explained after I swallowed.
“You didn’t have to tell her like that,” Max returned.
“Oh, sorry, Max,” I said, my voice tinged with sarcasm. “Does she have a delicate disposition? Should I have shielded her from that?”
“Yeah, considerin’ she was raped three weeks ago and her boyfriend’s bein’ a f**kin’ dickhead that would have been good.”
I felt every cell in my body cease moving and I stared at him.
Then I whispered, “What?”
“Mindy was raped three weeks ago. She was in Denver with Becca. They were out clubbin’ or whatever the f**k they do these days and got separated. Mindy was raped. She went through that, they haven’t found the guy, she gets home, her boyfriend who she lives with starts actin’ like an ass**le. Then more of an ass**le. Brody, her brother and my best friend who lives in Seattle, asked me to come home and look out for her seein’ as he can’t.”
Oh my God.
Mindy and her baby blue socks with darker blue hearts, skip-dancing, jumping up and down when she met me was raped.
“So, Nina,” Max cut into my thoughts, “I’ll ask again, what the f**k was that?”
“I thought…” I shook my head and looked away, closing my eyes, feeling like a bitch because I’d been a bitch then I looked back and whispered, “It doesn’t matter.”
“Well, yeah, it does, considerin’ she’s like my sister too and she and Brody talk and you didn’t make a very good impression. This’ll be all over town and to Seattle and people’ll think I got another Shauna in my bed.”
“I –”
He cut me off. “I don’t care what people think but I do care what Mindy thinks and I care what Brody thinks.”
“I –”
“Jesus,” he muttered, looking away and I noticed he’d taken the bacon off the burner and it was sitting in its grease then he went on as if talking to himself, “was I wrong about you?”
There it was. My opening.
“Yes,” I told him and he looked back at me. “I’m a screaming bitch.” He stared at me and I went on, “It was jetlag, I think, making you think I was cute… or… whatever. Really, I’m like this. I act like this all the time.” He didn’t speak just kept staring at me so unwisely I went on. “I’m over my jetlag. I’ll probably be bitchy willy nilly to just about everyone.”
His head cocked to the side and his face got dark in that scary way before he repeated, “Willy nilly?”
“Yes,” I replied instantly, “to everyone.”
“So, what you’re sayin’ is, you’re actin’ like a bitch to me and to Mindy in an effort to bullshit me into givin’ you your car keys back so you can run away because you’re scared as shit of what’s happenin’ with us?”
No, that wasn’t what I was saying. At least, it didn’t start that way.
I looked at him in an effort to assess my next move and he looked really mad so I found it difficult to assess my next move.
Then I said carefully, “No.”
He moved toward me, I retreated and hit counter. He didn’t stop until he was super close, he pulled the bowl out of my hand, set it to the side and then he put a hand on the counter on either side of me and leaned in.
“Duchess, let me explain somethin’,” he said in a low, quiet, angry voice. “Bitches, real ones, don’t say the words, ‘willy nilly’.”
“Oh,” was all I could think to reply.
“You talk to him?” he asked and I got confused because I was thinking he was changing the subject.
“Talk to him?”
“Yeah.”
“Who?”
“Him,” Max clipped and I realized he was changing the subject and I tensed, didn’t answer and Max said in a low, warning voice, “Nina.”
“Kind of,” I whispered quickly.
“How kind of?”
“I sent an e-mail.”
“You sent an e-mail,” Max repeated, his face disbelieving of the fact I’d send a breakup e-mail to my fiancé and even in my state, I had to admit it did sound bad.
“I’m…” I hesitated, “better at saying things when I write them down. I can edit. Make sure that it says what I need it to say and I don’t…” I licked my lips, “that I can make it so it doesn’t…” This was hard but for some reason I kept going. “I had to do it so it didn’t… hurt too much.”
Some of the anger slid from his features and he muttered, “Baby.”
“Can you move away?” I asked quietly.
“No.”
“Max, please.”
He ignored me and asked, “That really happen?”
My head jerked and I asked back, “The e-mail?”
“Your brother.”
My whole body jerked and I looked away.
“Nina, look at me.” When I didn’t, his hand wrapped around my jaw and he made me look at him or he made it so he could study me which he did a long time before murmuring, “What else is behind that f**kin’ shield?”
He really didn’t want to know, if he did he’d know why I jumped to conclusions about him with Mindy with Becca and he’d know just how messed up my head was. I wanted to be gone but I didn’t want him to think I was messed up and just that was messed up.
I didn’t answer and his hand at my jaw became fingers sliding into my hair.
“I’m sorry about your brother, honey.”
I pressed my lips together, felt the tears hit my eyes and then whispered, “Me too.”
“You were close,” he stated, I nodded and when he opened his mouth to speak, I beat him to it.
“Please, don’t. Please don’t, Max. You can’t be nice to me, not about Charlie. You can’t be nice. Anyone who’s nice… when people are nice…” I stopped talking and tilted my chin down to hide my face.