“Those may be your plans for this morning but they aren’t mine.”
“They’re yours.”
I didn’t say anything mostly because the back and forth of me saying something and Hop disagreeing was both frustrating and irritating and I wasn’t doing it again.
The problem with that was, unable to contradict him, I couldn’t do what I wanted to do since I also couldn’t shift him off me.
“Hopper, get off,” I ordered.
“No.”
“Off.”
“Babe, no.”
There we were again, the back and forth.
Frustrating and annoying.
I shoved hard at his shoulders and grunted, “Off!”
He pressed into me, his face got close and I stilled because suddenly he looked serious.
“You’re Cherry’s so you’ve been let in, babe, but do not think for one f**kin’ second observing the Club lets you in the know about what goes on in a brother’s head, his home or his bed. Any of us,” he started.
The way he said this made me hold my breath.
“That said,” he went on, “that shit you spouted about what you understand about a brother’s woman is more proof your head is totally f**ked up, because part of that is selective and the rest of it is twisted and you know it.”
I hated to admit it but he had a point.
He went on to force his point home.
“You cannot lie under me after watching Tack with Cherry for eight goddamned years and tell me his brothers, his bike, and livin’ free means more to him than his wife and, I’ll add, his f**kin’ kids. That, you know completely, you witness it, you feel it. That’s your girl. You know what she’s got. Seen you cacklin’ with Sheila, who’s sweet as sugar, but that don’t mean she’d take shit from any man. She gets it good from Dog, you know it, so you know that bullshit that came outta your mouth doesn’t hold true with Dog, either. Seen you also sit close with Brick, seein’ to him when one of his bitches cuts him, so you know he’s got shit taste, but when he lets them in, he opens up so they can dig deep.”
All of this was true too.
Very true.
Hop continued, “Other Clubs might be about the brothers, the bikes, the carousing. You look at our leader, you know exactly what this Club is about. So do not lie there and tell me you know differently.”
Obviously, I’d struck a nerve and, unfortunately, he was right, I was wrong, very wrong, and worse, I felt terrible about it.
So terrible, I couldn’t let it stand. It was only fair that I admit I was wrong.
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” he replied.
“Well, I’m sorry I said that since you’re right. I know it’s not true,” I told him. “Not with Chaos.”
“Was gonna let it lie, seein’ as your head’s f**ked up, but you keep fightin’ me, had to point it out,” Hop returned.
Okay, I was beginning to feel less terrible and more annoyed.
“I’d like to request that you stop telling me my head’s f**ked up.”
“Let me help you get it straight, I’ll quit tellin’ you that shit,” he retorted.
I clenched my teeth.
Then I unclenched them to say, “Hop, I keep telling you that isn’t going to happen.”
“And Lanie, clue in, I’m not not gonna let it happen.”
My heart started beating hard and I brought us full circle.
“Who’s Benito?” I asked.
“Told you, you know as much as you’re gonna know about Benito.”
“Who’s Benito?” I repeated.
“Babe—”
“Who’s Benito?”
“Lanie—”
“Who’s Benito?”
His brows drew together. “Goddamn it, lady—”
All of a sudden loud and shrill, I shrieked in his face, “Who’s Benito?”
Hop went perfectly still on top of me but his eyes grew intent, watchful, concerned as his fingers flexed into my jaw.
“Who’s Benito, Hop?” I asked.
“Baby, please, breathe deep, calm down and let’s be quiet a few seconds. You calm down, I’ll get us some coffee and we’ll talk.”
“Answer my question,” I demanded.
“Lanie—”
“God!” I shouted. Unable to roll him off, I scooched up, shoved out and, miracle of miracles, found myself free so I scrambled across the bed.
Hop reached for me but stopped when I did, on my knees in his bed a few feet away from him. Without hesitation, my hands went to his tee and yanked up. I tossed it aside so in his bed he saw nothing but me in a pair of teeny-weeny, black lace panties.
I didn’t hesitate to reach out and grab his wrist, pulling it to me and flattening his hand to the scar under my breast.
I leaned in and reminded him, “I had a man, Hop, who did dangerous stuff and didn’t tell me.”
Realization dawned clear in his features. He adjusted, coming to his knees, his eyes glued to me. They were pained, troubled, disturbed, and I noted this as he whispered, “Lady.”
I jerked his hand down to the mutilated skin on my belly.
“Wanna guess how big I am on letting any man in my life and then wanna guess again how big I am on letting in a man who lives dangerously?” I shook my head and didn’t give him a chance to speak. “Don’t bother. I’ll tell you.” I pressed his hand into my flesh. “It is not gonna happen.”
He shifted closer, his free hand moving to my hip and around. I felt his body heat as he gently pulled my chest toward his and his chin dipped down to keep hold of my eyes.
“I don’t live dangerously, Lanie,” he said softly.
“Who’s Benito?” I repeated yet again.
His mouth shut and his jaw clenched.
I closed my eyes and turned my head away.
He forced his hand out of my hold and brought it up to wrap around my jaw, forcing me to face him so he could again capture my eyes.
When he accomplished this task, he said quietly, “I would never let anything hurt you.”
My reply was not quiet. “I don’t believe you.”
“Give me the chance to prove it to you,” he requested.
“No,” I answered. His hand slid from my jaw, up and back so his fingers sifted in my hair even as his face dipped super close, his eyes scanning my features before locking to mine.
“Lanie, baby, I can see what you can’t. This shit is eating you alive.”