This wouldn’t exactly be breaking my rule of not working weekends since I was already breaking my habit of working late into the evenings.
I had Hop to go home to, eat dinner with, and go to bed with. With that to look forward to, staying late at the office had lost its allure.
I was closing down programs on my computer, at the same time shoving stuff in my purse when I sensed movement so I looked out my wall of windows.
At what I saw, my breath froze in my lungs.
Tack was walking my way, his eyes on me, his face serious.
Tack had been to my office on several occasions, usually when I had plans with him and Tyra to go out to dinner after work, which meant he always drove so Ty-Ty and I could tie one on if we felt in the mood. Therefore Tyra always came with him.
He’d never been here alone and unannounced.
He knew about Hop and me.
Oh God, he knew about Hop and me!
I sat immobile, staring at him walking my way, my insides inexplicably seized with panic.
His gaze never left me as he walked through the open door, but once he got inside, he greeted, “Hey Lanie.”
“Uh, hey Tack,” I replied. “Is everything okay?”
He stopped in front of my desk and answered, “You tell me.”
I blinked.
“I’m sorry?” I asked.
“You tell me, Lanie. Is everything okay?”
Oh God, he knew. Damn! He knew!
“I, uh…”
God!
What did I say?
Tack moved to one of my chairs, sat in it and again looked at me.
His voice was soft when he said, “Gave it time, babe. A f**kuva lot of time. After dinner at your place a while back, thought on it and decided I can’t give it more.”
Okay, now I was confused. That didn’t sound like he knew about Hop and me.
“Gave what time?” I asked.
“You,” he answered.
Right, now I was really confused.
“Me, what?” I queried and he leaned toward me, his eyes intense, searching but kind.
“You and Belova,” he replied and I felt my insides seize again. “You were not movin’ on. Years passed, you didn’t move on. Tyra, she was not good about this, babe. She might get pissed at me sharin’, seein’ as my woman doesn’t know I’m makin’ this stop, but you gotta know. She’s been worried and when I say that I mean worried. She just didn’t know what to do. She didn’t wanna say somethin’ and set you off. She didn’t wanna not say somethin’ and watch you waste your life away. Now she’s even more worried, that photo’s gone, what that might mean. And you haven’t said shit about it.”
Oh.
This was about the photo.
“Tack—” I started and he shook his head.
“That path, Lanie, that path that leads to healing, you can get blinded, think there’s only one path to choose but there isn’t. There are lots of different paths but some of them don’t lead to healing. They lead to other shit that is not good and, darlin’, you’ve been on the wrong one.” He leaned into me and his voice dipped quieter, rougher, “Trust me on this, I know, watchin’ you go through it and watchin’ my daughter go through it.”
I swallowed.
About a year ago Tack’s girl, Tabby, had lost her fiancé suddenly in a car crash only three weeks before their wedding. It was tragic and Tabby put on a brave face, but everyone knew she was suffering. How could she not? But with that brave face, it was hard to know what path she was on.
Unless you were as observant as Tack.
He leaned back and kept talking, “Shit you endured, Red, me, all of us had to put on kid gloves with you. I don’t wanna freak you but, that frame gone, means you made a decision, a decision you aren’t communicating about, so those gloves gotta come off.”
“Tack—”
“You gotta move on… the right way.”
“Well—”
“You gotta find a life outside this office,” he threw out a hand then pinned his eyes on me. “You gotta find a man.”
My back snapped straight. “Tack, really—”
He didn’t miss my response. He just misinterpreted it.
“Don’t go woman on me and tell me you don’t need a man to complete you. It’s bullshit. Woman looks like you, goddamn waste. But a woman who has the love you got to give, that’s not a waste. That’s a crying shame.”
I closed my mouth because that was sweet.
Then I opened it to remind him, “Uh, FYI, I can’t go woman on you since I am a woman, so going woman is redundant.”
He grinned. “Just sayin’, got a good one but that don’t mean I don’t notice other good ones, darlin’. You’re a good one and a man would be lucky, he got you.”
Wow, that was really sweet.
I held his eyes then I leaned toward him. “Thank you for coming, saying what you’ve said and caring, Tack, but I promise you, everything is good.”
“Bullshit.”
I blinked at his reply.
“You’ve thrown away that frame and locked yourself in,” he declared.
“Locked myself in what?” I asked, again confused.
“Days here, nights here, your life… here… ” He lifted a hand and pointed to the floor. “In this office. Buried in your work. Sure, you go out with your girl. You do yourself up. You spoil our sons. You show on Chaos and laugh with the brothers. But the majority of your life is this job, Lanie, and that shit can’t go on.”
Oh dear.
How did I play this?
“Tack, really, I promise you, I’m fine.”
“A life that’s work is not fine. It isn’t even half a life. I dig you enjoy what you do and that’s cool. You bein’ so good at it is cooler. But the world is full, darlin’. You’re only eatin’ off half the plate, you’re missin’ the meat and, worse, you’re missin’ dessert.” He paused a moment before he said quietly, “You need to live your life, Lanie.”
“I promise you, Tack, I am.”
“Then why is it after six and you’re still at the office?” he returned.
I couldn’t tell him I was heading out to meet Hop and his kids and thus I couldn’t tell him I was late doing that and should have left fifteen minutes ago. I also couldn’t tell him that my life was very much not all work. Not anymore. It was dance recitals. It was broiled pork chops. It was listening to Hop tell me the story of taking one of his “bitches” to a Seger concert. She got high before they went, lost herself in the vibe and threw her t-shirt toward the stage. I laughed through this because Hopper also told me she wasn’t wearing a bra and they were nowhere near the stage so Bob nor any of the Silver Bullet Band could appreciate her gesture.