“No, not ever. We can’t ever tell them about us,” I whispered, staring into his eyes.
He moved his hands to either side of my head and dipped his face close.
His eyes roamed my features before he murmured, “It’s got you. Fuck, Jesus, I’m standin’ here watchin’ that monster tear you apart.”
“We can’t tell them,” I stated.
“Why?” he asked.
“We can’t ever tell them,” I declared, my voice getting loud.
“Why, baby?” he asked, his voice going gentle.
“I don’t want them to know,” I told him.
“Why don’t you want them to know, honey?” he pushed.
“They can’t know.”
“Lanie, get this shit out.”
I stared into his eyes, feeling his warm hands on either side of my head, his body close. and the monster shoved its arm down my throat and dredged up, “She told me.”
“Keep goin’,” Hop encouraged.
“To break it off with him.”
Hop closed his eyes.
“I didn’t.”
Hop opened his eyes.
“Tyra told me to break it off with Elliott after we got kidnapped by the Russian Mob that first time.”
“Okay, Lanie, baby, that’s good, it’s enough. Shut this shit down now.”
I didn’t shut it down. The monster was dragging it out.
“I didn’t listen. I told her through better or worse.”
“Fuck,” he murmured, shifting so he could curl me in his arms.
I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my cheek into his shoulder.
“It got worse,” I whispered.
Hop didn’t answer. He just stood there holding me tight.
I held him back the same way.
After this went on for a while, Hop gave me a squeeze and asked, “You with me?”
“Yeah,” I answered.
“Breakin’ that shit down and, lady, stop me if I got this wrong, but you made a decision about your man, it got your girl hurt and you’re carryin’ that shit around, transferrin’ it on your new man.”
I hadn’t thought about it that way. In fact, I hadn’t thought about it at all.
“Maybe,” I told his shoulder.
“You wanna end this?” he asked.
“End what?”
“End us.”
I felt my entire body wind so tight, I feared it would snap, hurtling me across the room like a broken rubber band. I pulled my head back to look at him.
“Do you?” My voice trembled on those two words.
“Fuck no,” he replied instantly and I felt my brow furrow.
“Then why did you ask?”
“Because, babe, neither of us wants to end this, she’s your girl, Tack’s my brother. How the f**k are we gonna go on hidin’ what we have from them?”
He had a point.
“We have to.”
My mouth said it before my brain caught up and I watched his head jerk to the side.
“Lady—”
“For a while,” I finished and he stared at me.
“You wanna know it’s solid,” he guessed.
“I want this monster out of me,” I confessed, pressing closer. “I want… I wanna be able to face them both and know. Know I believe. Know I’m right this time. After what happened last time, how bad it was, how we nearly lost Ty-Ty, I have to know this time. It has to be solid. For you. For me. So Tyra can believe.”
His face changed, unease washing through his expression and he told me, “You were right the last time, baby. He did wrong but you did right.”
I shook my head and Hop watched me do it.
Hop let me go, shifted us both into the couch, tucking me tight to his side. I lifted up my legs and curled them on the couch beside me as I snaked an arm across his stomach and pressed my forehead into his neck.
“For a while, babe, we’ll keep this between you and me,” he gave in. “But you gotta remember that I’m easin’ you into my kids’ lives and I’m not gonna ask them to lie. Kids say shit and they are not strangers to Chaos. You also gotta be aware that High picked me up here so he knows and I asked him not to talk but I am not gonna get in his face if he does. So if you keep this from your girl, you’re walkin’ a tightrope, baby, and the longer this carries on, if she finds out before we share, the more you’re gonna have to explain.”
I nodded.
I’d worry about that later.
A lot later.
“Right,” he muttered and I pressed closer.
We fell silent and neither of us broke it for a good long while.
Finally, Hop did.
“Don’t know who won this one, the monster or us,” he mused.
I didn’t either.
I just knew it was an entirely different experience, battling that monster with Hop at my back.
“You sensed something was up, called Sheila to stay with the kids and drove all the way here to talk with me,” I reminded him.
“Yeah,” he agreed and I lifted up to look at him.
“That monster always bests me, honey, but I’m thinking you did great.”
Another expression washed through his features, this one better. Surprise and satisfaction.
I got to enjoy it for half a second before he kissed me.
When he broke the kiss, I noted, “I hate to bring this up but we have to figure out what to do about this set up.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll deal with it.”
I stared at him. “How are you going to deal with it?”
“I’ll think of something.”
After Hopper Kincaid said those four words, there was one thing I knew with a surety that was astonishing.
He would.
One way or another, Hop would think of something and make my troubles go away.
I liked this so much, to communicate just how much, I pressed my forehead back into his neck and burrowed close.
Letting go of that scene, a thought came to me.
“So, uh… I’m taking it from this conversation that you want us to be exclusive?” I asked and felt his body tense before it shook slightly with laughter.
“Uh, yeah, babe. I want us to be exclusive,” he confirmed, his words also shaking with laughter.
Good to know.
No. Great to know.
I burrowed closer before I told him, “If we’re exclusive, you should know, I have the birth control thing covered.”
There was no laughter in his voice. He sounded surprised when he asked, “You good with me ungloved?”
I pulled my face out of his neck and again looked at him. “I don’t know. What did you mean when you said, ‘shit happens’ that night you got angry with me?”