On this thought, my phone in my purse rang.
I pulled it out and saw it said “Jacob calling.”
That punch in the chest came back.
I took the call and put the phone to my ear.
“Hey, honey,” I said quietly.
“Hey, baby,” he replied in the same tone. “You have an okay day?”
“Well, my hair looks fabulous so it’s a shame you’re missing it. But having it done in the proximity of Bubba’s meant I didn’t come home and waste it on fitting drywall patches over exposed wire. Instead, I shared it with Krystal, Lauren, Bubba, a really nice guy named Jim-Billy and the clientele of a biker bar.”
There was a smile in his voice when he replied, “It’s good you didn’t let that go to waste.”
I liked the sound of that smile and I loved him.
I loved him.
I again closed my eyes tight, opened them and stated conversationally, “I had a good gab with Krystal and Lauren.”
He knew what I was saying.
I knew this when he hesitated before replying, “That’s good, Emme.”
“We’ll talk when you get home,” I whispered.
Another hesitation, this one heavy before he came back to me, his deep voice holding a hint of relief, and God, God, I might have even heard hope when he said, “Okay, honey.”
“Okay,” I replied, sat up straighter, cleared my throat and asked, “Your day okay?”
“It just got better.”
Yet again, I closed my eyes.
His voice came back to me and I opened them.
“Do my best to get this shit done early so I can get back to my girl.”
“That’d be good.”
“Hang on,” he said, suddenly distracted. I hung on and half a minute later, he told me, “Gotta go, babe. Sorry. In the middle of something. Thought I had time. I don’t.”
“Okay, honey.”
“I’ll call tomorrow.”
“Right.”
“Have a good night, sleep well, baby.”
“You too, Jacob. Later.”
“Later, babe.”
He disconnected.
I put my phone on the desk, stared at it and lost sight of it when the image of Jacob holding little Jake filled my head.
I shook my head to clear it and looked at the computer. I logged in and pulled up Outlook.
Then I sent a message to Harvey.
It had been a while since we had a visit, and with Jacob gone, it was a golden opportunity.
But more, Harvey had lived a tough life. He’d made mistakes. He’d paid for them. He knew me. And he was wise.
So I wanted to talk to him about Jacob, about where we were, get his thoughts, see if they matched Krystal and Lauren’s. Then I was going to do what the girls advised I do.
Think very hard about a decision that would affect my future with Jacob.
My email to Harvey included me asking if he was free for a visit the next day. After it was sent, I wandered around doing normal things. Setting up the coffeemaker to make coffee for the morning. Putting away the clean dishes in my dishwasher. Going back to the computer to sort through emails that had come in.
While I was doing that, Harvey emailed back.
Always have time for you, Emme. How about noon? I’ll give you lunch. Drive safely.
I replied that I’d bring dessert, finished with my other emails and shut down my machine.
* * *
Fifteen hours later…
I parked on Broadway in Denver.
I was early.
I was early because I hadn’t slept great, thus was wide awake and ready to face the day at a God-awful hour. With nothing to occupy my mind except things I didn’t want occupying it, I decided to hit the road.
Harvey was expecting me at noon, which meant I had time to stop at Fortnum’s Used Books to get a coffee. When I lived in Denver, I went there all the time because the coffee was sublime. But also because it was just a cool place where you just wanted to hang. And the staff were hilarious.
I jumped down from the Bronco, cleared the door, my hand to it to slam it shut, my eyes moving the quarter of a block to the door to Fortnum’s that opened at a diagonal to the street corner.
I stopped dead.
And I stopped breathing.
But my heart started bleeding.
This was because Jacob was coming out of Fortnum’s, white paper coffee cup in his hand.
And with him was Elsbeth.
My hand clutched the edge of my door so hard it bit into my flesh as I stared, shocked, disbelieving, eviscerated, as they stopped on the corner.
Jacob looked down at her and gave her a small grin.
Already shredded, more pieces of me were torn away.
Elsbeth looked up at Jacob and returned his grin with a radiant smile.
Ragged and bleeding, more of me was stripped away.
Then Elsbeth moved into Jacob, rounded him with her arms and gave him a hug.
At that, standing there, seeing, breathing, feeling, still there was nothing left of me.
I could take no more.
I got in my truck, not looking, not doing anything but concentrating on getting the f**k out of there. I turned the ignition on Persephone, guided her into traffic, kept my eyes from Fortnum’s and drove right past.
Luckily, just blocks down Broadway, there was an interchange to I-25.
I took it and headed home.
Harvey was going to worry.
I’d explain it to him later.
* * *
Three hours later…
I zipped up the bag on Jacob’s bed that held all my stuff.
I swallowed.
I looked down at Buford.
His tail wagged.
The vision of him started swimming.
I blinked and moved to grab my bag.
I stopped when I saw the kaleidoscope on Jacob’s nightstand.
I was wrong earlier. There was something left to me.
I knew this because seeing that kaleidoscope sliced away the final part of me.
I went to it, picked it up, held it carefully, studied it.
It really was a thing of beauty.
Suddenly, my hand fisted around it and I whirled, my arm flying out.
Buford got up to his feet and backed away.
But my grip refused to let it go. So when my motions were done, I was cradling it to my chest.
“Why?” I asked Buford.
Buford stared up at me, tongue lolling.
“Why was he with her? He said he hated her. He said he never wanted to see her again.”
Buford said nothing.
I shook my head, lifted the kaleidoscope and put it to my eye.
I turned the dials.
I didn’t see beauty. What I saw just made me dizzy.
I put it on the nightstand, grabbed my bag, bent to Buford and gave him ear scratches.
“I’ll miss you, puppy,” I whispered.