He leaned in and kissed Kelly gently. Kelly could feel him smiling into the kiss, and it made him grin too.
Nick finally let him go, leaving them both gasping. “Good morning.”
“Pretty spectacular one.”
Nick helped him sit, his hands lingering when they probably didn’t need to. Kelly gritted his teeth with the pull in his chest. Mornings were always worse because the painkillers in his system were running low and his body was stiff and stubborn. It was also a little embarrassing not to be able to sit down by himself, but he supposed that was what happened when a bullet tore through you and then you decided you were tougher than your painkillers.
Nick piled the pillows for him, and Kelly rested against the headboard, watching Nick unabashedly.
“You feeling okay?” Nick asked, and the gravel in his voice sent a shiver up Kelly’s spine.
“Not as good as I was last night, unfortunately.”
Nick’s fingers were gentle as he brushed them over Kelly’s neck. “How about you take your pills instead of trying to prove how tough you are?”
Kelly snorted.
Nick moved the breakfast tray he’d brought up so it was beside Kelly on the bed, making sure everything was within arm’s reach, then rounded the bed and crawled into the other side, sitting against the headboard with his iPad.
Kelly crunched down on a piece of bacon. After living together for five years while they’d been stationed at Lejeune, Nick knew exactly how crispy he liked his bacon. He knew a lot of things. Kelly waved his bacon at the iPad. “Anything interesting going on?”
Nick nodded, still chewing. “Ty sent a message earlier saying he was heading back to Baltimore. Digger’s convinced he’s being watched by the CIA. And Owen came out of it smelling like roses and got a f**king Easter bonus. Asshole.”
Kelly chuckled.
“I’ve been suspended,” Nick added after a moment, still smiling at the iPad as he checked his email.
“What?”
“Suspended without pay until they straighten out the warrant for my arrest in Louisiana,” Nick explained, beginning to laugh.
“That’s bullshit,” Kelly muttered.
Nick shrugged it off. “It’s the second time I’ve been in custody in the last year, I’d suspend me too.”
He laughed again and placed the iPad aside, turning to look at Kelly instead. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Kelly said with a nod, taking stock mentally. He nodded again. “Yeah, I’m good.”
Nick hesitated briefly, then said, “I’ve got to write up a steaming pile of bullshit for my captain telling him why I shouldn’t be fired.”
“Go do it,” Kelly said, laughing despite the underlying worry that Nick might actually lose his job.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m good. I’m going to rest for a bit.”
Nick narrowed his eyes skeptically.
“I’ll call if I need help,” Kelly assured him.
Nick gave him a brief kiss and rolled out of bed, taking his iPad downstairs. Kelly let his mind drift, thinking of Nick, thinking of their past together and the probability of them having a future. It was sudden and it was different, but Kelly still couldn’t see a flaw in it. So what if Nick was famously afraid to move a romantic relationship past the f**k buddies stage? So what if Kelly’d never been with a guy before? Or even been attracted to a guy before.
He’d always acknowledged beauty in other men, but again, he’d never felt attraction. What if it really was the narcotics he’d been on the past few weeks? What if it was the near-death experience and Nick emerging as his caretaker? What if Nick was right and this was just a situational thing? What if the shine rubbed off?
What if they looked up in a week or a month and found that they’d permanently altered the shape of their friendship, a friendship Kelly valued more than anything in the world, all for the whim of a man on the brink of death and high on Percocet?
What if Kelly actually convinced Nick this was a good idea, and got past those defenses Nick had worked his whole life building up, only to decide it was the wrong thing after all? It would crush Nick. Just the thought made Kelly nauseous. They were already on a slippery slope as it was; he needed to be damn sure they could take one more step without the whole cliff giving way.
When he looked up, he remembered he was alone. Nick had music playing low downstairs, obviously thinking it would cover the sounds of him muttering to himself so Kelly would rest. But Kelly couldn’t rest. He needed to solidify this in his mind so he’d stop panicking. He called out for Nick, and soon he heard Nick’s footsteps coming up the steps.
“I think I need to watch some g*y p**n ,” he told Nick as soon as the man reached the top.
Nick stopped short, eyes wide. A look of pure confusion passed over his face before he nodded and turned to head back down the steps. “I’ll get the iPad.”
Kelly was eating his cold bacon when Nick returned, iPad in hand.
“Am I to assume this is you trying to test if you’re actually attracted to men instead of just being a horny stoner?” Nick asked as he crawled into the bed and propped the iPad between them.
“Something like that.”
“What outcome are we hoping for here?” Nick asked as he tapped at the screen.
Kelly gazed at his profile. Nick glanced at him, returning Kelly’s smirk with one of his own.
“I’m hoping I find watching a guy take it in the ass just as hot as I find the memory of you that night in San Diego,” Kelly finally decided. “Or last night. Or the night before. Or just the thought of you doing to me what you did to that girl.”
Nick was still looking at him sideways, but a flush began to appear on his cheeks.
Kelly swallowed hard, growing warmer. “You remember that night?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“You . . . you were, um . . . impressive.”
“I knew you were watching,” Nick murmured.
“Exhibitionist.”
“Voyeur.”
Kelly laughed. He took the iPad from Nick’s hands and pressed play on the video Nick had found. It wasn’t a full video, just a free sample of something, so it started right in the middle of the act. The sound blasted through the quiet cabin. Kelly held the iPad at arm’s length, cocking his head and frowning as he watched one man ram into another mercilessly, both of them contorting into unnatural positions. Nick leaned against the headboard beside him, but he didn’t take his eyes off the video. There was a lot of moaning and slapping and what looked like some very advanced yoga poses, and by the time the five-minute video ended, Kelly wasn’t certain it had done much for him.