“You care about the kid quite a bit,” he said.
“Yes.”
He nodded. “And the man?”
“Ian is… Ian believes me. He watches over me. He can be so very kind… for a human.” Almost like a soul, I’d wanted to say. But that wouldn’t have sounded like the compliment it was to this audience.
Jared snorted. “For a human. A more important distinction than I’d realized.”
He lowered me to the lip of the entrance. It made a shallow bench that was more comfortable than the flat floor.
“Thank you,” I told him. “Jeb did the right thing, you know.”
“I don’t agree with that.” Jared’s tone was milder than his words.
“Thank you also—for before. You didn’t have to defend me.”
“Every word was the truth.”
I looked at the floor. “It’s true that I would never do anything to hurt anyone here. Not on purpose. I’m sorry that I hurt you when I came here. And Jamie. So sorry.”
He sat down right beside me, his face thoughtful. “Honestly…” He hesitated. “The kid is better since you came. I’d sort of forgotten what his laugh sounded like.”
We both listened to it now, echoing above the lower pitch of adult laughter.
“Thank you for telling me that. It’s been my… biggest worry. I hoped I hadn’t damaged anything permanently.”
“Why?”
I looked up at him, confused.
“Why do you love him?” he asked, his voice still curious but not intense.
I bit my lip.
“You can tell me. I’m… I’ve…” He couldn’t find the words to explain. “You can tell me,” he repeated.
I looked at my feet as I answered. “In part because Melanie does.” I didn’t peek to see if the name made him flinch. “Remembering him the way she does… that’s a powerful thing. And then, when I met him in person…” I shrugged. “I can’t not love him. It’s part of my… the very makeup of these cells to love him. I hadn’t realized before how much influence a host had on me. Maybe it’s just human bodies. Maybe it’s just Melanie.”
“She talks to you?” He kept his voice even, but I could hear the strain now.
“Yes.”
“How often?”
“When she wants to. When she’s interested.”
“How about today?”
“Not much. She’s… kind of mad at me.”
He barked out a surprised laugh. “She’s mad? Why?”
“Because of…” Was there such a thing as double jeopardy here? “Nothing.”
He heard the lie again and made the connection.
“Oh. Kyle. She wanted him to fry.” He laughed again. “She would.”
“She can be… violent,” I agreed. I smiled, to soften the insult.
It was no insult to him. “Really? How?”
“She wants me to fight back. But I… I can’t do that. I’m not a fighter.”
“I can see that.” He touched my battered face with one fingertip. “Sorry.”
“No. Anyone would do the same. I know what you must have felt.”
“You wouldn’t —”
“If I were human, I would. Besides, I wasn’t thinking of that.… I was remembering the Seeker.”
He stiffened.
I smiled again, and he relaxed a little. “Mel wanted me to throttle her. She really hates that Seeker. And I can’t… find it in myself to blame her.”
“She’s still searching for you. Looks like she had to return the helicopter, at least.”
I closed my eyes, clenched my fists, and concentrated on breathing for several seconds.
“I didn’t used to be afraid of her,” I whispered. “I don’t know why she scares me so much now. Where is she?”
“Don’t worry. She was just up and down the highway yesterday. She won’t find you.”
I nodded, willing myself to believe.
“Can you… can you hear Mel now?” he murmured.
I kept my eyes closed. “I’m… aware of her. She’s listening very hard.”
“What’s she thinking?” His voice was just a whisper.
Here’s your chance, I told her. What do you want to tell him?
She was cautious, for once. The invitation unsettled her. Why? Why does he believe you now?
I opened my eyes and found him staring at my face, holding his breath.
“She wants to know what happened to make you… different now. Why do you believe us?”
He thought for a moment. “An… accumulation of things. You were so… kind to Walter. I’ve never seen anyone but Doc be that compassionate. And you saved Kyle’s life, where most of us would have let him fall just to protect ourselves, intended murder aside. And then you’re such an appalling liar.” He laughed once. “I kept trying to see these things as evidence of some grand plot. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and feel that way again.”
Mel and I flinched.
“But when they started attacking you today… well, I snapped. I could see in them everything that shouldn’t have been in me. I realized I already did believe, and that I was just being obstinate. Cruel. I think I’ve believed since… well, a little bit since that first night when you put yourself in front of me to save me from Kyle.” He laughed as if he didn’t think Kyle was dangerous. “But I’m better at lying than you are. I can even lie to myself.”