Meghan and Ariel a. Both alive. Both waiting for me. The whole situation was completely surreal. Meghan was the Iron Queen, far beyond my reach.
Ariel a—alive, unchanged and whole—waited just a few yards away.
Possibilities and whatifs swam through my head. For just a moment, I wondered what would happen if I just stayed here, with Ariel a, forever.
The pain was swift and immediate. It wasn't stabbing, or fiery, or unbearable. More like a fraying of my inner self, a few threads tearing away, vanishing into the ether. I winced and stif led a gasp, instantly abandoning that train of thought. My vow, my promise to Meghan, was woven into my very essence, and breaking it would unravel me, as well .
“My promise stil stands,” I said quietly, and the glimmering threads of pain vanished as swiftly as they'd come. “It doesn't matter what I want, I can't give up now. I have to keep going.”
“Promises aside, then.” Puck's voice was harder now, disapproving. “If there was no promise, Ash, no oath that bound you, would you keep going?
What would you do right now, if you were free?”
“I…” I hesitated, thinking about the paths that had brought me here, the impossible choices, and the two lives that meant everything to me.
“I…don't know. I can't answer that right now.”
“Well, you'd better figure it out quick, prince.” Puck narrowed his eyes, his voice firm. “We've screwed both their lives up pretty bad. At least you can make it right for one of them. But you can't have it both ways, you know. Pretty soon, you're gonna have to make a choice.”
“I know.” I sighed, glancing back at the glade, knowing she watched me, even now. “I know.”
Ariel a was waiting for us when we returned, standing under the elder tree, talking to the empty branches. At least, it was empty until two golden eyes appeared through the leaves, blinking lazily as we came in.
Grimalkin yawned as he sat up, curling his tail around his feet, and regarded us solemnly.
“Made your decision, have you?” he purred, digging his claws into the branch holding him up. “Good. all this agonizing was getting rather trite.
Why does it take so long for humans and gentry to choose one path or the other?”
Puck blinked at him. “Oh, let me guess. You knew Ariel a was here all along.”
“Your kind does have a f lair for stating the obvious.”
Ariel a was watching me, her expression unreadable. “What is your decision, Ash of the Winter Court?”
I drew close enough to see her face, realizing it hadn't changed in all the years she'd been gone. She was stil beautiful, her face lovely and perfect, though there were shadows in her gaze that hadn't been before. “You told me you knew the way to becoming mortal,” I said softly, watching for her reaction. Her eyes tightened a bit, but her expression remained neutral otherwise. “I made a promise,” I said softly. “I swore to Meghan that I'd find a way to return. I can't walk away from that, even if I want to. I need to know how to become mortal.”
“Then it is decided.” Ariel a closed her eyes for a long moment. When she spoke, her voice was low and distant, and it raised the hair on the back of my neck. “There is a place,” she murmured, “that resides at the end of the Nevernever. Beyond the Briars that surround Faery, beyond the very edge of our world, the ancient Testing Grounds have stood since the beginning of time. Here, the Guardian awaits those who would escape Faery forever, who wish to leave the world of dreams and enter the human realm. But to do so, they must endure the gauntlet. None who accepted this chal enge returned sane, if they returned at all . But legend states that if you can survive the trials, the Guardian will offer the key to becoming mortal.
The gauntlet will be your test, and the prize will be…your soul.”
“My…soul?”
Ariel a regarded me solemnly. “Yes. A soul is the essence of humanity.
It is what we lack to become mortal, and as such, we cannot truly understand humans. We were born from their dreams, their fears and imaginations. We are the product of their hearts and minds. Without a soul we are immortal, yet empty. Remembered, we exist. Forgotten, we die. And when we die, we simply fade away, as if we never existed at all . To become human is to have a soul. It is that simple.”
I glanced at Puck and saw him nodding, as if this all made sense. “Al right,” I said, turning back to Ariel a. “Then, I need to get to the Testing Grounds. Where are they?”
She smiled sadly. “It is not a place you can just walk to, Ash. No one who has gone to the Testing Grounds has ever survived. However…”
Her eyes glazed over, becoming as distant as the stars. “I have seen it, in my visions. I can show you the way.”
“Can you?” I gave her a long, searching look. “And what would you ask in return? What would you have me swear?” I stepped closer, dropping my voice so only she could hear. “I can't give you back the past, Ariel a. I can't promise it will be the same. There's…someone else now.”
A face rippled across my memory, different from Ariel a's; pale-haired and blueeyed, smiling at me. “This quest, my earning a soul, is all for her.”
“I know,” Ariel a replied. “I saw you together, Ash. I know what you feel for her. You always loved…so completely.” Her voice trembled, and she took a deep breath, meeting my gaze. “Al I ask is that you let me help you. That's all I want.” When I stil hesitated, she bit her lip and her eyes fil ed with tears. “I haven't seen you in years, Ash. I waited for this day for so long—please don't walk out and leave me behind. Not again.”
Guilt stabbed at me, and I closed my eyes. “Al right.” I sighed. “I guess I do owe you that. But, it won't change anything, Ari. I have to keep my promise to Meghan. I won't stop until I've earned a soul.”
She nodded, almost distracted. “It's a long way to the End of the World.” Turning from me, she walked over to the shelves, her next words almost inaudible. “Anything can happen.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
THE RIVER OF DREAMS
Leaving the hol ow with Ariel a, Puck, and Grimalkin, I was eerily reminded of another journey, one that was disturbingly similar to this. I believe the human saying was déjà vu, and it did seem strange, traveling with very nearly the same companions as before. Myself,
Grimalkin, Robin Goodfel ow…and a girl. It was strange; not very long ago, I'd thought Meghan reminded me of Ariel a, but now, watching my old love glide through the mist as she led us out of the hol ow, my only ref lection was how similar—and how different—Ariel a was to Meghan.
I pushed those thoughts away, focusing only on the task at hand. I could not let myself be distracted from my goal. I could not start comparing the two, the love from the past and the girl I would do anything for, because if I did I would go mad.
The Wolf joined us almost as soon as we left the hol ow, materializing from the darkness without a sound. He sniffed Ariel a curiously and wrinkled his muzzle at her, but she gazed at him calmly, as if she had expected him. No introductions were made, and the pair seemed to accept each other without reservation.
Leaving the hol ow behind, we made our way through a forest of thorn trees, bristling and unfriendly, with bits of bone, fur and feathers im-paled between them. Not only were the trees covered in thorns, the f lowers, the ferns, even the rocks were all pointed and barbed, making it important to watch where we put our feet. Some of the trees had taken offense to our presence, or were simply bloodthirsty, for every so often they would take a swipe at us with a gleaming, bristling branch. I noticed, with a certain annoyance, that they left the Wolf completely alone, even moving aside for him to pass before taking a swat at me if I fol owed. After dodging several of these assaults, I finally grew tired of the game and drew my sword. When I sliced through the next thorny limb that whipped out at my face, the trees finally left us alone. For the most part.
“What is she like?” Ariel a asked suddenly, surprising me. She had been quiet up until now, wordlessly leading the way until the closeness of the thorns forced her to ease back, to let me go first with my weapon. A longbow of gleaming white wood lay strapped to her back—she had always been a deadly archer—but the only blade she carried was a dagger.
Caught off guard by her question, I blinked at her, confused and wary.
“I thought you already knew.”
“I knew of the girl, yes,” Ariel a replied, ducking a vine covered in thin, needlelike barbs. “But only f lashes. The visions never showed me more than that.”
Behind us, Puck's gleeful whoop rang out as he dodged an attack, followed by the rustle of several trees that continued to swipe at him as he danced around. He was obviously enjoying himself, and probably stirring the forest's ire to even greater heights, but at least his attention was elsewhere. Grimalkin had long disappeared into the thorny undergrowth, stating he would meet us on the other side, and the Wolf 's dark form was padding ahead, so it was just me and Ariel a.
Uncomfortable with her scrutiny, I turned away, hacking through a suspicious-looking branch before it could lunge at me. “She's…a lot like you,” I admitted, as the tree rattled in outrage. “Quiet, naive, a little reckless at times. Stubborn as a—” I stopped, suddenly self-conscious, feeling Ariel a's gaze on the back of my neck. “Why are you asking me this?”
She chuckled. “I just wanted to see if you would answer. Remember how difficult it was getting any real answers out of you before? Like pul ing teeth.” I grunted and continued clearing the way, and she followed close behind. “Wel , don't stop there, Ash. Tel me more about this human.”
“Ari.” I paused, as memories rose up, both blissful and painful. Dancing with Meghan. Teaching her to fight. Being forced to walk away as she lay dying beneath the limbs of a great iron oak. A root took advantage of my moment of distraction and tried to trip me, but I sidestepped and moved us both away. “I can't…talk about it right now,” I told Ariel a, whose sympathetic gaze read far too much. “Ask me again some other time.”
As we left the forest of thorns, darkness fel very suddenly, as if we'd crossed some invisible barrier into Night. One moment, we were in the perpetual gray twilight of the wyldwood and the next, it was pitch-black except for the stars. And a new sound began to filter through the silence of the forest, faint at first but growing ever stronger. A constant murmur that slowly progressed to a dul roar, until we finally emerged from the trees to stand on the banks of a great black river.
“Wow,” Puck mused, standing beside me. “The River of Dreams. I've only seen it a few times before, but it never ceases to amaze me.”
I agreed with him, albeit silently. The surface of the river was black as night, ref lecting the star-fil ed sky above and stretching on and on, until you couldn't tel where the water ended and the sky began.
Moons, comets and constel ations rippled on the surface, and other, stranger things f loated upon the misty black waters. Petals and book pages, butterf ly wings and silver medals. The hilt of a sword stuck out of the water at an odd angle, the silver blade tangled with ribbons and spiderwebs. A coffin bobbed to the surface, covered in dead lilies, before sinking into the depths once more. The debris of human imagination, f loating through the dark waters of dream and nightmare.