Just at the moment, to think was to act.
Before she knew what she was doing, her hands had turned inside Adam's, so that her fingers were clasping his. Not by 'word or look or deed, what a laugh, she thought. We've already broken it a thousand times. Why not really break it? That way at least she would have something concrete to feel bad about. That way Diana wouldn't have him first.
That was the crux of it. Diana might have everything else, but she wouldn't have Adam first.
I could do it, Cassie thought. Suddenly, her mind was working coolly and rationally, far removed from all the twisted pain in her chest. Adam was vulnerable to her because he was honorable, because he would never dream of her scheming to get him.
If she started to cry right now ... If she got him close enough to hold her, then relaxed against him, making herself soft in his arms... If she laid her head on his shoulder so that he could smell her hair ... If she sighed and let her head fall back... would he be able to resist kissing her?
Cassie didn't think so.
There were places darker than this corner. Safe places in the school. The home-ec room with the lock anyone could pick, the storage compartment where the gymnastics mats were kept. If Adam kissed her and she kissed him back, could anything stop them from going there?
Cassie didn't think so.
And Diana, sweet stupid innocent Diana, would never know the difference. If Adam said he'd had to take Cassie for a walk to calm her down, Diana would believe him.
No, there was nothing to stop Cassie and Adam... except the oath. How did it go again? Fire burn me, air smother me, earth swallow me, water cover my grave. Cassie wasn't afraid of that. Fire was burning her body already, and air was smothering her-she couldn't breathe. There was nothing to stop her. She leaned in closer to Adam, head drooping like a flower on a slender stem, feeling the first easy tears come. She heard the catch in her breath, and felt his fingers tighten on hers in concern, and awareness.
"Cassie-God..." he whispered.
A fierce rush of triumph swept through Cassie. He couldn't help himself. It was going to happen. Oak and holly, leaf and briar/ Touch him with the secret fire...
What was she doing?
Using magic on Adam? Snaring him with words that had come from some deep well of knowledge within herself? It was wrong, dishonorable, and not just because members of the Club didn't work spells on each other unasked.
It was wrong because of Diana.
Diana, who'd been Cassie's friend when no one else would speak to her. Who'd championed her against Faye and the whole school. Even if Cassie couldn't deal with being close to Diana right now, the memory of Diana was like a star shining in her mind. If she betrayed that, she betrayed everything that meant anything.
Evil or not, Cassie couldn't do it.
She extracted her hands from Adam's strong fingers.
"I'm all right," she said, her voice soft and weak, all its bones crushed.
He was trying to get hold of her hands again. That was the problem with magic, you couldn't always stop what you'd started. "Adam, really," she said. Then, desperately, she added, "Diana's waiting."
Saying Diana's name helped. He stood for a moment, then escorted her back, Herne bringing a wayward nymph home to the Circle. Cassie went over to Laurel for safety; Nick was nowhere in sight. Well, she didn't blame him.
Diana was talking to Sally Waltman, who was there and looking hard as nails, despite the loss of Jeffrey. That left Adam and Cassie with Laurel and Melanie and their dates, and Sean and Deborah. A merry group of witches. Next to them was a group of outsiders.
A slow dance was starting. The group of outsiders broke up, moving onto the dance floor. All except one.
That one remained standing there, isolated, on the fringe of the Club. She was a junior Cassie vaguely recognized from French class, a shy girl, not beautiful, but not ugly, either. Right now she was trying to pretend that she didn't mind being abandoned, that she didn't care.
Cassie's heart went out to her. Poor girl. Once, Cassie had been just like her.
"Want to dance?" It was Adam's voice, warm and friendly- but he wasn't talking to Cassie, he was talking to the outsider girl. Her face lit up, and she went happily with him out onto the floor, the scales of her mermaid costume flashing and twinkling. Cassie watched them go with a pang.
But not of jealousy. Of love-and respect.
"The parfit gentil knight," Melanie said.
"What?" said Cassie.
"It's from Chaucer. We learned it in British lit class. That's what Adam is, the perfect gentle knight," Melanie explained.
Cassie thought about this for a while. Then she turned to Sean. "Hey, skinny, want to shake your bones?" she said.
Sean's face lit up.
Well, Cassie thought as she and Sean began swaying to the music, one thing was for sure: This dance wasn't anything like the last one. With Adam, the gym had seemed a place of beauty and enchantment. Now all she saw were paper cutouts and na**d pipes overhead. At least Sean-the-Day-Glo-skeleton didn't try to pull her in too close.
Afterward, other guys approached her, but Cassie made a beeline for Nick, who'd rematerialized, and hid behind him. At least this part of her plan worked-the other guys retreated. It was strange to be something everybody wanted and couldn't have. Nick didn't ask her why she'd rushed off, and she didn't ask him where he'd disappeared to.
They danced a few times. Nick didn't try to kiss her.
And then it was time to leave. After saying good-bye to their bewildered, slightly indignant dates, the members of the Club gathered at the exit, and not even the strawberry-blond goddess Aphrodite was late. Even the two identical Zaxes, their slanted blue-green eyes sparkling, were waiting outside the door. Then they all started off into the darkness. The moon had set, but the stars seemed to be on fire.