Some of the tension in my body eased off knowing that Lucian and Marcus were alive, but there were still many more whose fates were unknown at this point. There’d been so many bodies, so many daimons. What about Laadan?
Seth and I didn’t talk until we’d boarded Lucian’s jet. I took a seat beside a window while Seth encouraged the pilot and the servants to take off without Lucian.
I rested my head against the cool pane, squeezing my eyes shut. My stomach felt hollow. At some point after the plane took off, I stopped thinking. I just sat there, existing in a world where I might not even have a future. So many things could go wrong at this point. What if the compulsion failed to work? If so, Guards would be waiting for us the moment the plane landed. And even if Aiden was successful, compulsions weren’t guaranteed to be permanent. They could wear off after time.
Then what? Both Aiden and I would lose everything.
Seth dropped into the seat beside me. I lifted my head and glanced at him. He held two glasses in his hands, filled with something that looked a lot like liquor. “What is it?”
“It’s not the brew.” His joke fell flat, but I smiled weakly and took it. “It’s just scotch. It should help.”
I downed the glass and handed it back. “Thank you.”
“You really stopped the furies?”
Nodding, I handed the glass back to him. “Cut their heads off. They said they’d be back, though.”
“Only a god can truly kill another god.” He paused. “Or a god killer, but if you cut off their heads I can imagine that would put them out of commission for a while.”
“Seth, they said… they said I was the threat.” I bit my lip, shuddering. “Oh, gods, I killed a pure.”
“Shh. Don’t ever say that again. You know how much Aiden is risking. Don’t let it all go to waste.” Seth leaned over, draping his arm around my shoulders. After a few seconds, he spoke. “He really… isn’t like the other pures, Alex.”
“I know,” I whispered. Aiden wasn’t like anyone I knew, and there was no way I could accept that his actions tonight were a sense of duty on steroids.
But there was nothing I could do about that right now.
I looked out the tiny window, out into the dark night. Below, diamond-shaped lights grew smaller and smaller, becoming insignificant and vanishing as we moved into ominous clouds. I drew in a deep breath, but it got stuck in my throat. I’d killed a pure-blood and the man I loved was down there, covering it up, risking everything for me.
What had I done?
Thinking back on those seconds when I’d seen the pure raise the dagger, I knew there’d been time to avoid the deadly plunge of the blade. I was fast. I could’ve moved out of the way. I could’ve run. I hadn’t needed to kill him.
Seth’s arm around my shoulder’s tightened as if he could read my mind. “You were defending yourself, Alex.”
“Was I?”
“Yes. They declared war on us. You had no other choice.”
“There are always choices.” I pulled my gaze from the window and looked at Seth. There are always choices. I just had this terrible habit of making the wrong ones and now I had to deal with it. So did Aiden. So did Seth.
Seth reached out slowly, as if he was afraid to startle me. His caught my chin with the tips of his fingers. He didn’t say anything. Not that he needed to—the connection between us was there, sparking alive.
I needed it right now—needed Seth.
Closing my eyes, I let him guide my head to his shoulder. And after I could take the first deep breath of air without choking on it—after I’d made my choice—I finally let the connection in completely. Seth’s presence—his warmth surrounded me. Waves of comfort washed over me, easing the knots in my stomach. Not filling in all the cracks, not replacing ones that lingered back in the Catskills, but filling enough that I felt a little better, a little saner.