There was a roaring in her ears as if the BART train was coming at her again. And a pain that engulfed her whole body, sending agonized spasms through her limbs. It centered in her chest, though, where something white-hot was lodged inside her, crushing her lung and dislodging her internal organs and burning right beside her heart.
She'd been staked.
What she had done so often to others had been done to her.
She hadn't realized anything could hurt like this. She was glad none of her victims had lived long to keep suffering.
The wood of the stake was poisoning her heart, she knew. Even if it were removed, she would die.
No vampire could survive contact between living wood and its undead heart.
Still, she would live for a little while-in unimaginable agony as the poison ate through her.
A voice was screaming in her mind. Jez-JezJezJez... Over and over, incoherently.
Morgead, she thought. And she hoped he wasn't feeling any of what she was feeling through the silver cord that connected them.
Hugh and Claire were sobbing. Jez wished they wouldn't. They had to stay calm; to think of a way to save themselves.
Because she couldn't help them anymore.
Over the sobbing she heard a shrill and angry voice. Lily.
"What is wrong with you?" Lily was saying. "Don't you see what's happening to her? Don't you want to save her?"
Through the red haze that filled Jez's vision, she felt dim approval. They were doing what she'd told them. Whichever of them was the Wild Power was suppressing it Good. That was what mattered. Although she couldn't really remember why any longer....
Suddenly a face broke through the red haze. It was Lily, bending over her.
"Don't you understand?" Lily yelled. "You can stop this right now. Ill have him kill you cleanly-all the pain will be over. All you have to do is tell me who it is."
Jez smiled at her faintly. She couldn't breathe to answer, and she didn't want to try.
Would you believe that I don't know? she thought. No, I don't think you would. ...
The pain was getting less by itself. It was as if Jez was moving farther and farther away from it.
"How can you be so stupid?" Lily was screaming. Her face was twisted, and to Jez's vision, floating in a scarlet mist. She looked like a monster. Then she turned and seemed to be screaming at someone else.
"All right. Get the other vampire down here, too. Morgead." She was looking at Jez again. "We'll just have to stake your friends one after another until the Wild Power decides to reveal itself."
No. No...
Suddenly everything was much clearer around Jez. She could see the room again, and she could feel her own body. There was still the roaring in her ears, but she could hear Claire's sobs over it.
No. Lily couldn't mean it. This couldn't be happening....
But it was. They were shoving Morgead down on the floor beside her, and Claire and Hugh beyond him. The thugs with spears were getting into position.
No. No. This can't happen.
Jez wanted to scream at them, to tell the Wild Power to do something, because everything was lost now anyway. But she didn't have air to scream. And she felt so adrift and confused anyway.... Her universe had become disjointed. Her thoughts seemed to be unraveling at all once, past memories combining with flashing sensory impressions from the present, and with strange new ideas....
If it was involuntary, why didn't the Wild Power work magic more often? Unless there was some other requirement....
I can't let this happen.
The dampness of blood spreading around her heart. ...
Claire's nails digging into her arms.
"When there's no physical way to escape ..."
Power in the blood.
Claire on the floor there. Screaming and screaming...
Something building inside her, hotter than the stake.
Morgead beside her whispering, "Jez, I love you."
Pierce with the stake over him. Morgead looking up unafraid....
Hotter than the heart of a star.
Hugh in the distance saying almost quietly, "Goddess of Life, receive us; guide us to the other world. . .."
Hotter than the sun and colder and bluer than the moon, like fire that burned and froze and crackled like lightning all at once. Something that filled her with an energy that was past rage and past love and past all controlling and that she recognized in her soul even though she'd never consciously felt it before. It was swelling Jez to bursting, a pure and terrible flame that was never meant to be unleashed like this....
"Do it!" Lily shouted.
And Jez let it free.
It came roaring out from her in a silent explosion. Blue fire that streamed from her body and blasted in all directions, but especially up. It came out and out and out, engulfing everything, flowing from her in a never ending torrent. Like a solar flare that didn't stop.
It was all she could see. Blue flames, streaked with blue-white lightning that crackled almost soundlessly.
Just like the fire that had cocooned her on the BART tracks.
Except that now she could tell where it was coming from, even if she couldn't direct it. She knew how to let it out, now, but once out it did what it wanted.
And it wasn't meant to be used this way. That was the only thing she knew clearly about it. She'd been letting it slip out when she was desperately upset-when she was worried for someone's life, and she knew that she couldn't do anything else to save them. That was forgivable, because it had been unconscious.
This wasn't. She was probably violating some law of the universe or something. The blue fire was only meant to be used in the last battle, when the darkness came and the Four were called to stand against it.
I suppose that means I should try to stop now, Jez thought.
She wasn't sure how to do it. She guessed that she needed to call it back, somehow, to draw it down into her body again.