Shaking my head, I inhaled and phased into my human skin. As always, my jeans and shirt were stretched out after the change. “Chill, buddy, I know what I’m doing. I’ve been doing it every night for three years practically.”
His mouth dropped open.
“Okay. That didn’t sound right. But I was in control.” I sighed. “I like the way it feels when I’m falling.”
He stared at me a moment longer and then phased. “That’s absolutely insane.”
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “I still beat you.”
Dez barely said a word to me as we headed up to our room. Like the night before, I commandeered the bathroom first, freshening up and changing into something to sleep in while he did who knows what in the main room. The same nervousness I’d experienced last night returned with a vengeance. Then, we’d both been exhausted, but tonight I was too amped up to go comatose so quickly.
I passed him on the way out. Grabbing the remote control, I dived onto the bed and tugged the covers up. I concentrated on finding something on TV while I heard the water come on and then shut off. My stomach dipped when the bathroom door opened and he strode out.
I believed he’d forgotten his shirt.
Nylon gym shorts rode low on his hips, low enough that I wondered what magic he was using to get those dark blue shorts to stay up. He tossed his clothes onto the floor while I eyed his chest. When he glanced at me, he caught me staring and holding the remote control like a complete idiot.
“Sorry.” He went to the other side of the bed and tugged the covers back. “It’s warm in here.”
“Turn up the air.” I watched him climb in and let the sheets linger at his hips.
He lay back, biceps bulging as he folded his arms behind his neck. The darkness of the soft sheets created a strong contrast against his golden skin. “Already did.” Pausing, he looked at me. “Does this make you uncomfortable?”
No. Yes. It made me want to drool. I shook my head.
“Fine.” His brows rose slowly. “What are you watching?”
I glanced at the screen and my eyes widened. I must’ve stopped on one of the premium movie channels. It was a sex scene. Boobs—big boobs—were everywhere. And a whole lot of breathy moaning.
I’m pretty sure my face had caught fire.
Quickly changing the channel, I finally gave up and tossed him the remote. Like an old man, he settled on a local news station. He dropped the remote on his chest. I eased down on my side, pretending to watch the news while I was really studying his profile. A muscle ticked along his jaw.
I squirmed. “You’re still mad at me.”
His gaze slid sideways. “I’m not mad.”
“Yes, you are.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment and then picked up the remote, muted the TV and dropped it on the small table beside the bed. He rolled onto his side, facing me. “When you fell, it scared me.”
“It shouldn’t have. Like I said, I knew what I was doing.”
“But I didn’t know that.” He reached over, plucking up a strand of my hair and twining it around his finger. “I had no idea what you were doing.”
I didn’t say anything as I watched him unravel the twist he’d created.
“It was a pretty cool tactic,” he admitted, and I grinned. “Just warn me next time.”
“Not if we’re racing. Then I won’t have the upper hand.”
He smiled slightly. “Wait. Do you think you had the upper hand?”
“Of course I did.”
“I’m going to disagree,” he teased, lashes lowered. “You did not.”
“Whatever.”
He inched closer, raising up on one arm. “You don’t believe me?”
“No.” I laughed, rolling my eyes. “You overestimate—”
Moving lightning fast, Dez shifted and I was suddenly underneath him. His arms were on either side of my head, caging me in. Our bodies didn’t touch, but I felt him to the tips of my toes anyway.
The teasing grin disappeared when I dragged in a deep breath and my chest brushed his. Everything changed in an instant. The playful mood faded, replaced by primal heaviness. Our gazes collided and locked. Neither of us moved. His closeness sent a series of shivers skittering across my skin and made it hard to take slow, even breaths. My body tensed when his gaze dropped to my mouth.
He tilted his head to the side. “I... I honestly have no idea what we were talking about.”
“Good. Neither do I.”
He shifted his weight onto one arm, bringing him closer. “Have you enjoyed your trip so far?”
“Yes.” I felt as if I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs.
“Good.” He lowered his head. His breath was minty as it moved across my cheek and then my lips. “I’m glad.”
I wasn’t really following the conversation and I wasn’t sure that he was fully aware of what was coming out of his mouth. I searched my hazy brain for something to say and wet my lips. I—
The sound that came out of Dez’s chest rumbled through me. A stuttered heartbeat passed and then his lips were on mine. There was nothing slow about this kiss. It scorched my skin and caused my body to stretch tight like a bowstring. The kiss deepened, spinning my senses. I shuddered when his hand curved over my shoulder and drifted down to my waist, his long fingers spreading out under the hem of my shirt, grazing the bare skin of my stomach.
I gasped, floored by the raw sensations pounding through my blood. My skin felt as if I was about to phase. Maybe I was.
“Jasmine,” he whispered, the word falling against my lips, and then his body was pressing mine into the mattress, heavy, sweet and hard.
Nothing could’ve prepared me for the weight of him or for how my body responded without thought. My hands went to his shoulders, skimming down the taut skin of his back. His muscles flexed under my palms as his mouth trailed a fiery path to my chin and then down my throat.
He paused, lifting his head. Dez’s pupils stretched thin and the heat in his smoldering gaze should’ve had me running from the bed, but all it did was make me want more. And I hadn’t wanted more with anyone else. I hadn’t even wanted a kiss beyond the curiosity of experiencing one, but with him, I wanted everything and that was frightening. Enticing. Thrilling. I moved again, and he shuddered, closing his eyes.
Those eyes opened again and met mine as he sat back. Disappointment rose swiftly, but then both his hands were on my waist, his fingers tangling with the edges of my shirt. Breathless, I lifted my upper body and he gently pulled the shirt over my head.
I lay back, eyes wide and dizzy. Cool air washed over my bare skin and tiny bumps spread across my flesh as his gaze, intense and heated, swept over me.
“You’re beautiful.” He moved his fingers with such exquisite delicacy, causing my back to arch and my skin to tingle. “So beautiful.”
I was beyond words. He lowered his head, kissing me deeply. When he pulled away, he nipped at my lip, wringing a sound from me that would most definitely embarrass me come light of day.
Dez trailed a fiery path of little kisses down my neck, across the curve of my shoulder, and then down, exploring in a way that spun my senses. Sensations raced through me and it was like freefalling through the sky.
Flames ignited inside me when his chest came down on mine. The feel of skin against skin was a startling experience. His lips were against mine again, and I wrapped myself around him, wanting and needing to be closer.
I wasn’t in control of myself and there was something wonderfully freeing in that moment of letting go. My hands flattened along his lean sides as I hooked my leg around his. He murmured something under his breath as he lifted his head, expression strained. My body curled around his and the pressure of that movement was shattering.
And then he rolled off me and onto his back, throwing one arm above his head, the other over his chest. He stared at the ceiling as his breathing slowed.
My heart was still pounding erratically, heightened by the confusion swirling inside me like thick smoke. I sat up and my hair fell into my face. I made no move to push it back. I was afraid if I did move, I would pounce on him. “Why did you stop?”
“Why?” Dez laughed, but it sounded strangled. He closed his eyes again, cursing low as he rubbed his palm down his jaw. “I’m not stupid, Jas.”
That was so not the response I was expecting.
As I stared at him, some of the heat burning me up from the inside faded. “I don’t follow.”
He dropped his hand and pried one eye open. A smile crossed his lips, but it was wrong—all wrong. “This can only go so far, Jas. And being here, in this bed with you, makes it hard not to take it all the way. And there’s one problem with that. I know you don’t plan to tell me yes at the end of this.”
Chapter Ten
We ended up not leaving the city until the following afternoon and the trip south, toward the nation’s capital, was quiet. It had been that way since last night. Dez hadn’t treated me any differently. Quite the opposite. He talked, he prodded at me and tried to coax me into conversation as we left New York and crossed into New Jersey, but I was too caught up in my own thoughts.
I lay back in the seat, head tilted toward the passenger window. Buildings and houses blurred in a steady stream. A bitter taste lingered in the back of my mouth, a cocktail of guilt, shame and confusion, and no amount of drink or food would wash it away.
I kept telling myself that I had nothing to feel guilty about. I hadn’t abandoned Dez. He’d been the one to leave me and I hadn’t made him any promises, but the reassurance rang hollow.
Even my sister couldn’t truly understand why I was so resistant to the idea of mating with Dez, especially considering how much I’d cared for him. But when he left and when I finally accepted, after the many months had turned into a year, that he wasn’t coming home, I had mourned him. Grieved him as I had my mother. I could recognize the blessing of him returning, but three years of mourning was a long time to let go of and I didn’t even understand why he’d left. He claimed it had nothing to do with my father’s offer and it was obvious that he wanted me, but I needed more. Answers for one thing, and I wanted what my parents had had in their life together—love and trust.
Part of me recognized that I was still in love with Dez, that I never stopped loving him, but I didn’t believe he felt that way for me. Not in the way I needed him to, and as for trust? What’s to say that a year from now he wouldn’t just up and disappear again?
I shifted in my seat, restless.
Maybe more than our past was keeping me wary. Perhaps it had to do with me. After all, the whole mating business was serious. I’d be pledging myself to someone for my entire life. The very moment I mated, I would be thrust into adulthood, facing very adult demands. I wouldn’t be the only eighteen-year-old to do so, but it was a lot to even think about. Maybe I wasn’t ready and my excuses were really just that—excuses. A crutch.
We’d crossed into Pennsylvania hours ago and as the SUV eased into an exit lane for a town called West Chester, I straightened in my seat and glanced at Dez. “Where are we going?”