I watched her face, she didn't seem convinced that I was a monster yet so I grabbed the closest branch from the tree next to me and snapped it in half like I was breaking a twig. I held it in my hand effortlessly and then threw it so it hit another tree and it broke into several pieces. She looked frightened then, and I was immediately thrown into purgatory. I had to calm her somehow! I went to her in that instant, standing only two feet away, frozen so I wouldn't scare her.
"As if you could fight me off," I said, tenderly.
Her eyes never left mine, and I watched them grow wide during my attempt to persuade her to see the deplorable creature that I am. She didn't run from me, even after she witnessed the things I could do - the things I could do to her, I added. I felt a lump rise in my throat. She wasn't running... why wasn't she running? I could see the terror in her eyes, yet she stayed. I knew how she felt though; I knew I couldn't leave her either. If she were to stay with me, I couldn't bare to witness her terrified expression, "Don't be afraid," I said gently, "I promise..." the words were all wrong, I paused, thinking. How could I promise something I was so unsure of? "I swear not to hurt you," I refuted.
No mistakes - I snapped at my new enemy, desire. I looked at her expression then, and I obviously hadn't convinced her.
"Don't be afraid," I begged in a whisper.
I stepped closer, but I gave myself adequate space from her so that I wouldn't be tempted to grab her around the waist, pull her body close to mine, gently grab her chin and direct her mouth to mine... stop there! While I was spinning my fantasies I realized I was now only a foot away from her face, not knowing how I had gotten there.
Keep it together - I snapped at myself. Desire had surely taken over.
"Please forgive me," I begged, "I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." I tried to persuade myself more than anything.
I was beginning to worry about her. Bella hadn't even whimpered or made a single noise since I decided to show her exactly what a vampire was capable of. Hadn't I reassured her that I wouldn't hurt her after my mistake? What else could I say?
"I'm not thirsty today, honestly." I winked trying to show her she could trust me.
She suddenly, and unexpectedly, began laughing. Her silvery bell chime voice shaking slightly. Had she gone mad? Did I finally do something to make her mind snap? Horribly, terrifyingly, I was worried that I had damaged the one person who I loved above all else.
"Are you all right?" I asked delicately.
Maybe if I were to try and put us back together again. I placed my hand back in hers and the warmth made me inhale her heady scent while passion and desire started rearing their heads up in approval. She looked down at my hand then, like I had pulled her out of a deep thought. Her eyes slowly rose to meet mine. I was pleading for forgiveness with my eyes, hoping she could see that I was sorry.
She looked back at my hand again, like she was checking that it was still there. Suddenly I was shivering in pleasure as her fingers began tracing lines up and down my arm again. She returned her gaze to my face again and smiled apprehensively. Was everything back to normal now? I returned her smile quickly so she would feel reassured.
"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" I asked, making sure she realized that I was still sorry for my mistake.
"I honestly can't remember," she said, and I was grateful for her response.
I smiled but the remorse was still plain on my face.
"I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason." I reminded her.
"Oh, right," she paused.
"Well?" I pushed, impatiently.
She looked away from me again, and stared fixedly on my hand that she was caressing. She didn't look back up or respond for several seconds. What are you thinking? I asked internally. I was becoming extremely frustrated.
"How easily frustrated I am," I sighed then.
She returned her gaze to my face, still not responding. I wanted to take her into my arms then, but she saved me from making my mistake by finally responding, "I was afraid... because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should."
Her eyes left mine then, returning to our hands. Was she finally admitting what I have been trying to convince her of the whole time? That being with me was dangerous...
"Yes," I agreed, "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."
She frowned then. Was she upset now? What was I doing to this wonderful girl? Will I inevitable kill her?
"I should have left long ago," I sighed. I was now beginning to think aloud, "I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."
She pulled me out of my thoughts, "I don't want you to leave," she whimpered, looking at our hands again.
Why did she have to make everything so difficult? Why did she have to want me as absolutely as I wanted her?
"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should," I said. I crave more than just her company, I crave her body, her blood, her soft sweet lips...
"I'm glad."
"Don't be!" I snapped.
I pulled my hand from her grip. I couldn't let her go if she was holding onto me. I showed her what kind of a monster I am and she becomes frightened - then I try to reassure her that I won't hurt her... What is my problem? I moved my gaze from her face to the forest, knowing I couldn't let her go if I was staring at her, looking into those deep chocolate eyes.