I was too close to the edge. I needed to get her home before...
Would I kill him, then? Would I become a murderer again when she trusted me?
Was there any way to stop myself?
She'd promised to tell me her latest theory when we were alone. Did I want to hear it? I was anxious for it, but would the reward for my curiosity be worse than not knowing?
"No," Bella said.
"Though I'm not so sure I can say the same thing," Jacob said, feeling more and more like he didn't want to know what her theory was.
At any rate, she must have had enough truth for one night.
"Yeah right," Bella rolled her eyes; there were so many other things that she knew that her book self wanted to know about.
I looked at her again, and her face was paler than before, but composed.
"Are you ready to go home?" I asked.
"I'm ready to leave," she said, choosing her words carefully, as if a simple 'yes' did not fully express what she wanted to say.
Frustrating.
Jacob groaned and chuckled at that. "That's rich coming from him."
Bella chuckled at that too.
The waitress returned. She'd heard Bella's last statement as she'd dithered on the other side of the partition, wondering what more she could offer me. I wanted to roll my eyes at some of the offerings she'd had in mind.
"How are we doing?" she asked me.
"We're ready for the check, thank you," I told her, my eyes on Bella.
The waitress's breathing spiked and she was momentarily - to use Bella's phrasing - dazzled by my voice.
Jacob chuckled at that and Bella rolled her eyes.
In a sudden moment of perception, hearing the way my voice sounded in this inconsequential human's head, I realized why I seemed to be attracting so much admiration tonight - unmarred by the usual fear.
It was because of Bella. Trying so hard to be safe for her, to be less frightening, to be human, I truly had lost my edge. The other humans saw only beauty now, with my innate horror so carefully under control.
Bella was annoyed by this, why did he have to be more appealing to the others...
"Don't like that very much, do you?" Jacob chuckled at her reaction.
I looked up at the waitress, waiting for her to recover herself. It was sort of humorous, now that I understood the reason.
"Sure," she stuttered. "Here you go."
She handed me the folder with the bill, thinking of the card she'd slid in behind the receipt. A card with her name and telephone number on it.
Bella was now glaring at the book.
"That's ridiculous," Jacob said shaking his head. "He's obviously there with you... how cheesy is it to try and give the guy a number then?
Yes, it was rather funny.
"I wouldn't call it funny," Bella muttered darkly.
"I would... now," Jacob laughed.
I had money ready again. I gave the folder back at once, so she wouldn't waste any time waiting for a call that would never come.
"No change," I told her, hoping the size of the tip would assuage her disappointment.
I stood, and Bella quickly followed suit. I wanted to offer her my hand, but I thought that might be pushing my luck a little too far for one night. I thanked the waitress, my eyes never leaving Bella's face. Bella seemed to be finding something amusing, too.
"What?" Jacob said.
"I think you're wondering about that more than Edward is in this chapter," Bella smirked.
"Whatever," Jacob frowned.
We walked out; I walked as close beside her as I dared. Close enough that the warmth coming off her body was like a physical touch against the left side of my body.
As I held the door for her, she sighed quietly, and I wondered what regret made her sad. I stared into her eyes, about to ask, when she suddenly looked at the ground, seeming embarrassed. It made me more curious, even as it made me reluctant to ask. The silence between us continued while I opened her door for her and then got into the car.
"Seriously, why are you upset?" Jacob groaned.
"I don't know," Bella said, curious this time too, but still laughing at Jacob's reaction.
I turned the heater on - the warmer weather had come to an abrupt end; the cold car must be uncomfortable for her. She huddled in my jacket, a small smile on her lips.
I waited, postponing conversation until the lights of the boardwalk faded. It made me feel more alone with her.
Was that the right thing? Now that I was focused only on her, the car seemed very small. Her scent swirled through it with the current of the heater, building and strengthening. It grew into its own force, like another entity in the car. A presence that demanded recognition.
It had that; I burned. The burning was acceptable, though. It seemed strangely appropriate to me. I had been given so much tonight - more than I'd expected. And here she was, still willingly at my side. I owed something in return for that. A sacrifice. A burnt offering.
Bella rolled her eyes at that.
Now if I could just keep it to that; just burn, and nothing more. But the venom filled my mouth, and my muscles tensed in anticipation, as if I were hunting...
I had to keep such thoughts from my mind. And I knew what would distract me.
"Now," I said to her, fear of her response taking the edge off the burn. "It's your turn."
"That's the end of the chapter," Bella said.
"Well, that was another relaxing chapter," Jacob groaned. "And I'm sure I'm going to like the next one."
"Well, get on to reading it then," Bella said.
10. Theory
"Theory," Jacob read.
"Can I ask just one more?" she entreated instead of answering my demand.
"No... I said it was my turn," Jacob said, laughing.