I started to feel uneasy as I parked my car in Bella's driveway. The human adage said that things looked different in the morning - that things changed when you slept on them. Would I look different to Bella in the weak light of a foggy day? More sinister or less sinister than I had in the blackness of night? Had the truth sunk in while she slept?
"Er... she's known the truth for like four days or something... I'm sure it's all sunk in," Jacob said.
"Yeah, but it was just confirmed today," Bella said.
"Do you think you'll be scared of him?" Jacob questioned and Bella rolled her eyes. "I rest my case."
Would she finally be afraid?
Her dreams had been peaceful, though, last night. When she'd spoken my name, time and time again, she'd smiled. More than once she'd murmured a plea for me to stay.
Would that mean nothing today?
I waited nervously, listening to the sounds of her inside the house - the fast, stumbling footsteps on the stairs, the sharp rip of a foil wrapper, the contents of the refrigerator crashing against each other when the door slammed. It sounded like she was in a hurry. Anxious to get to school? The thought made me smile, hopeful again.
I looked at the clock. I supposed that - taking in account the velocity her decrepit truck must limit her to - she was running a little late.
"You don't have to make fun of my truck," Bella muttered causing Jacob to laugh.
Bella rushed out of the house, her book bag sliding off her shoulder, her hair coiled into a messy twist that was already coming apart on the nape of her neck. The thick green sweater she wore was not enough to keep her thin shoulders from hunching against the cold fog.
The long sweater was too big for her, unflattering. It masked her slender figure, turning all her delicate curves and soft lines into a shapeless jumble. I appreciated this almost as much as I wished that she had worn something more like the soft blue blouse she'd worn last night...the fabric had clung to her skin in such an appealing way, cut low enough to reveal the mesmerizing way her collar bones curled away from the hollow beneath her throat. The blue had flowed like water along the subtle shape of her body...
Bella was blushing; did she always have to read the chapters where he described her like this?
It was better - essential - that I kept my thoughts far, far away from that shape, so I was grateful to the unbecoming sweater she wore.
"Well, thanks," Bella groaned.
I couldn't afford to make mistakes, and it would be a monumental mistake to dwell on the strange hungers that thoughts of her lips...her skin...her body...were shaking loose inside of me. Hungers that had evaded me for a hundred years. But I could not allow myself to think of touching her, because that was impossible.
Bella was blushing again... thinking about him touching her.
I would break her.
Both Bella and Jacob grimaced at that.
Bella turned away from the door, in such a hurry that she nearly ran right by my car without noticing it.
Then she skidded to a stop, her knees locking like a startled colt's. Her bag slid further down her arm, and her eyes flew wide as they focused on the car.
Jacob was laughing at this description... imaging it quite clearly in his head and Bella kept reading, blushing as she did so.
I got out, taking no care to move at human speed, and opened the passenger door for her. I would not try to deceive her anymore - when we were alone, at least, I would be myself.
Bella smiled at that... this was definitely what she wanted.
She looked up at me, startled again as I seemingly materialized out of the fog.
And then the surprise in her eyes changed to something else, and I was no longer afraid - or hopeful - that her feelings for me had changed in the course of the night. Warmth, wonder, fascination, all swimming in the melted chocolate of her eyes.
"Do you want to ride with me today?" I asked. Unlike dinner last night, I would let her choose. From now on, it must always be her choice.
"Good," Jacob said.
"Yes, thank you," she murmured, climbing into my car without hesitation.
Would it ever cease to thrill me, that I was the one she was saying yes to? I doubted it.
I flashed around the car, eager to join her. She showed no sign of being shocked by my sudden reappearance.
The happiness I felt when she sat beside me this way had no precedent. As much as I enjoyed the love and companionship of my family, despite the various entertainments and distractions the world had to offer, I had never been happy like this. Even knowing that it was wrong, that this couldn't possibly end well, could not keep the smile from my face for long.
My jacket was folded over the headrest of her seat. I saw her eyeing it.
"I brought the jacket for you," I told her. This was my excuse, had I needed to provide one, for showing up uninvited this morning. It was cold. She had no jacket.
"Lame excuse," Jacob said.
"He doesn't need an excuse," Bella shrugged.
"Doesn't make that any less lame," Jacob shrugged.
Surely this was an acceptable form of chivalry. "I didn't want you to get sick or something."
"I'm not quite that delicate," she said, staring at my chest rather than my face, as if she were hesitant to meet my eyes.
"Or maybe she's just ogling you," Jacob said and laughed when Bella turned bright red.
But she put the coat on before I had to resort to commanding or coaxing.
"Aren't you?" I muttered to myself.
She stared out at the road as I accelerated toward the school. I could only stand the silence for a few seconds. I had to know what her thoughts were this morning. So much had changed between us since the last time the sun was up.