“OK.” He chuckled. “I deserved that. But I mean I was a snob. Arrogant. Superior. Often unkind because of it. Saying it was a different time is no excuse. I believed myself above others and thus they were below my notice or my kindness.”
“Were you physically cruel?” she asked carefully, fearful of his answer.
Brennus shook his head. “I’m a very big man and aware of my physical prowess over others. I knew using it against them could be dangerous and unfair. I was arrogant but I had a little sense of honour. No, mostly I was condescending and curt. I had little patience for most people and very little sympathy for the plight of others.”
“What’s the worst thing you ever did?” It was such a morbid question but if she was to give this man a chance, if she was to have any chance of loving him, then she had to know this stuff. They didn’t have the luxury of time to figure it all out.
Nodding his head, Avery knew Brennus understood that. He sighed heavily and took a sip of his coffee. His face had grown a little stark, like his skin was stretched too tight over the bones of his face. “The worst thing I ever did… was to a friend. Caedmon. We grew up together. Both our families were well off, we were of an age. Very close. And stupid. We got into quite a tangle over women.”
Avery could just imagine them. Two good looking rich boys devastating the town. “What age were you?”
“Sixteen.”
Her jaw dropped and he laughed. It was dark and… roguish. She shivered. “Boys were men at sixteen. And Caedmon and I liked to prove we were the biggest men of our peer group.”
“What happened?”
Brennus exhaled. “His father died, leaving them with debts. His mother prostituted herself and Caedmon couldn’t find work. They were ostracised and I was afraid if I remained friends with Caedmon I would lose my own good standing. So I deserted him.”
“Brennus,” she whispered sympathetically, seeing the guilt he still carried after all these years.
“Caedmon joined auxilia, the corp of the Imperial Roman Army open to imperial subjects who weren’t Roman citizens. They were heavy infantry, did as much as a legionnaire. He left. I never saw him again. But when I became Ankou it was easy to discover truths. He died in action… only a year into his career as a soldier.” Brennus shook his head slowly. “He should have died a wealthy tradesman with a beautiful wife and ten children.”
Avery reached forward and touched his arm gently. “If he stayed he could have died in the plague. Or took a fever. Or drowned. Or-”
He held up his hand cutting her off, a cynical smile curving his lips. “You’re really going to try to rationalise for me?”
Remembering he hadn’t pushed her, she grimaced and pulled back. “You’re right. Sorry. You feel bad for abandoning your friend. I get it.”
He nodded solemnly. “Mayhap I would have grown into a better man… my father was a decent man. Instead I became an immortal and death changed me. I grew up fast.”
Avery nodded, understanding perfectly. “It has a tendency to do that to a person.”
Their gazes caught and her heart sped up. She felt that flush of heat all over.
Worse… she didn’t feel alone anymore.
It’s Gonna Cost You but
You Might Hurt Less
I feel like I’m fighting what I want because of what my world expects from me. My friends would call him creepy stalker guy; Aunt Caroline would say he was too old for me guy; pop culture would say he’s the devil guy; and the person I was five days ago would call him a blackmailing, ruthless son-of-a-bitch guy. And I guess that last part is still kind of true. But I’m not so sure about the other stuff. If he really is that guy that my world describes, shouldn’t I be deterred? Shouldn’t I want to run in the opposite direction? Shouldn’t I be terrified of him? Because I’m not. I’ve never felt safer. I’ve never felt more like a person who isn’t scared to make my own choices… and that in itself scares the crap out of – if that even makes sense.
Last night we took a walk around the estate. I let him hold me. Kiss me. I kissed him back. My lips gave to him what they never gave to Josh. I don’t even feel guilty for that. But I’m scared. Did I say that already? I wasn’t scared last night. Last night we lay on his incredibly comfortable bed… and we talked. I spoke about my mom and dad, which I never do. The kind of people they were. The way they lived. Loved. He told me about eternity. What he’d seen and done. He’s not perfect. He’s made choices maybe some people wouldn’t have but at the same time I don’t think I’ve met a man with more heart. He’s kind of hard to hate. Too easy to lov-
We held hands last night. I woke up entangled in him.
Have you ever had moments of absolute peace? Like nothing can touch you? Only moments, they never last long… but when they do it’s this sense of lightness of being; like you’re so relieved to be happy you kind of cry. Do you ever notice how you cry when you’re angry, frustrated, scared or happy? I rarely cry when I’m sad. I don’t know where that misconception came from. Sadness isn’t hot tears. It’s cold. Numb. Hard.
He’s out; checking things are OK with his spirits. See, I should totally be creeped out.
When he’s gone I lose my battle with my doubts. I’m doubting. Would Caroline really want me give up my life for hers?
She would be so mad if I did…
“Hey, what are you doing?” Brennus strolled into the bedroom, bringing the scent of fresh air and grass with him.
Avery slammed the diary shut. Having mentioned that she was having journal withdrawals, Brennus had promptly produced one for her.
“Writing,” she replied softly, tucking the journal behind her back.
He smirked, throwing her a look. “I’m not going to sneak a peek at your diary like some pre-pubescent girl.”
She snorted, not really picturing Brennus doing anything so undignified. “I guess you wouldn’t.”
Smiling at her, he shrugged off his coat, dropping it lazily onto an armchair. She knew by the change in his body language that his attention was entirely focused on her. As he strolled towards her languidly, Avery felt her breath hitch at his approach. The bed shifted under his weight as he braced his hands on either side of her and leaned down for a kiss. She inhaled his musk, her eyes locked on his, her mouth already falling open. Her hands reached up to clutch at his chest and her heart sped at the feel of his breath across her face. Her skin tingled. His lips brushed across hers softly, one stroke, two. Playful. Teasing. Excruciating. She tried to catch them but he kept drawing back, laughing softly under his breath. Without thought Avery took his face in her hands, cupping his jaw tight. He stiffened, his eyes flaring a little with apprehension. She hadn’t touched his face before. Gulping back anxiety, Avery struggled to breathe normally. She swore she could hear his heart fluttering like a mouse caught between the paws of the neighbour’s cat. Her own picked up pace in response. Tentatively, afraid he’d be angry but needing to do it nonetheless, she trailed the fingertips of her right hand up across his cheek, running over the haggard lines of his scar. He flinched but her hold brook no argument. She followed the lines of his scar over his cheek, nose, his forehead. Brennus’ eyes fluttered closed and he leaned into her touch. Pain flared up her arm shooting for the direction of her heart. She hated the man who had done this to him. But more than that, Avery hated the fact she’d recoiled from him because of it.
This man was more beautiful than she’d ever be.
Trembling now, Avery leaned up and pressed the sweetest kiss to his cheek, to his scar. Brennus shuddered against her, his arms wrapping around her waist and drawing her close. Not finished, she peppered fairy kisses to his wound, trailing them down in a magical course of acceptance to his happy ending mouth, where she pressed a kiss of such… longing. He groaned harshly and kissed her back, hard. Avery clung on as he deepened the kiss, his tongue searching hers, needy and wanting; his arms binding her tight, his hands gripping her skin so hard he almost left bruises. A heat, this unimaginable flush, charged through her and she felt that tug in her lower body that Sarah had told her all about. The tug, the heat she had never felt with any guy; the tug and heat she’d been jealous of as Sarah expounded upon her night of passion with some French guy during the school’s business trip to Paris. But now she was feeling it; that fever, that need. She almost smiled in exhilaration against Brennus’ mouth. Finally, she was feeling all grown up.
Any further thoughts were obliterated when Brennus reached for the hem of her t-shirt. Even his fingers brushing against her bare skin sent these sparks shooting out of her nerve endings. Her eyes nearly rolled back in her head. Feeling drugged, Avery let him pull the shirt over her head, barely allowing a second of separation before she was pressed back up against him, his hands running up and down her back frenziedly, as if trying to find a way inside.
“Sir!”
They broke apart abruptly, Avery’s eyes flying to the door. Thankfully Ames was nowhere to be seen.
“What is it, Ames?” Brennus snapped into the room at large.
“I apologise, sir, but you have a visitor.”
They tried to catch their breath. Brennus groaned and leaned his forehead on Avery’s shoulder, his hand making circles on her nak*d back.
“I’ll be there in a minute.” He sighed and Avery realised he was using that telecom system thing. Ames was probably downstairs somewhere.
Brennus groaned again and Avery smiled softly at his frustration… her frustration too. She sighed and brushed her hand through his hair. “You better go.”
He nodded and lifted his head to gaze at her.
Her breath caught.
No one had ever looked at her like that before. His eyes spoke words his mouth could never so poignantly convey. Selfishly, she was glad he felt that way about her.
She wet her lips self-consciously and Brennus took it as an invitation, brushing a kiss across her mouth before jerking away from her.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” he promised and ran his hands through his hair, attempting to restore his flustered state to presentable. He didn’t look at her. Shaking her head, Avery searched for her shirt and found it discarded on the floor. Quickly, she pulled it on and he threw her a grateful look.
“Who will it be?”
“The visitor?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know. I’m about to find out.”
***
Avery didn’t know why she did it. It was his visitor. His home. His private business. But she gave him five minutes and then tip-toed out after him, praying Ames didn’t bust her. At the sound of Brennus’ voice her ears lifted, and she mocked herself for acting like a puppy hearing her owner’s keys turning in the lock. Making sure Ames was nowhere to be seen Avery followed the voices to the sitting room. One of the double doors was cracked open a little and she peered through the gap, her breathing stuttering to a halt at the sight of Brennus standing opposite a tall woman. She was so tall she came to Brennus’ chin. Her light brown hair was pulled back off her face in a knotted messy bun that somehow managed to be stylish. She wore tight black jeans that accentuated the slender long lines of her legs. A leather jacket and matching boots completed the ensemble. Like Brennus, she wore all black. Avery could just make out her profile but what she saw of this woman amounted to gorgeous.