Light! Where was his peace? He felt like a child again, a boy who thought Baerlon the grandest city ever built. Yes, her face was different, but faces were no longer of much matter to him. She was still the same person.
Of all the Forsaken, only Lanfear had chosen her new name. She had always wanted one of those.
He remembered. He remembered. Walking into grand parties with her on his arm. Her laughter over the music. Their nights alone. He had not wanted to remember making love to another woman, particularly not to one of the Forsaken, but he could not pick and choose what was in his mind.
Those memories mixed with his own, when he had desired her as the Lady Selene. A foolish, youthful lust. He no longer felt these things, but the memories of them remained.
"You can free me, Lews Therin", Lanfear said. "He has claimed me. Must I beg? He has claimed me!"
"You pledged yourself to the Shadow, Mierin", Rand said. "This is your reward. You expect pity from me?"
A dark something reached up and wrapped around her legs, yanking her down into the abyss again. Despite his words, Rand found himself stepping forward, as if to leap into the pool.
He held himself back. He finally felt like a whole person again, after a long fight. That gave him strength, but in his peace was a weakness—the weakness he had always feared. The weakness that Moiraine had rightfully spotted in him. The weakness of compassion.
He needed it. Like a helmet needed a hole through which to see. Both could be exploited. He admitted to himself that it was true.
Lanfear surfaced, sputtering, looking helpless. "Must I beg?" she said again.
"I don’t think you are capable of it".
She lowered her eyes. " . . . Please?" she whispered.
Rand’s insides twisted. He had fought through darkness himself in seeking the Light. He had given himself a second chance; should he not give one to another?
Light! He wavered, remembering what it had felt like in that moment seizing the True Power. That agony and that thrill, that power and that horror. Lanfear had given herself to the Dark One. But in a way, Rand had as well.
He looked into her eyes, searching them, knowing them. Finally, Rand shook his head. "You’ve grown better at this kind of deception, Mierin. But not good enough".
Her expression darkened. In a moment, the pool was gone, replaced by a stone floor. Lanfear sat there, cross-legged, in her silver-white dress. Wearing her new face, but still the same.
"So you are back", she said, sounding not entirely pleased. "Well, I am no longer forced to deal with a simple farmboy. That is some small blessing".
Rand snorted, entering the chamber. She was still imprisoned—he could sense a darkening around her, like a dome of shadow, and he stayed outside of it. The pool, however—the act of drowning—had been mere theatrics. She was prideful, but was not above maintaining a weak front when the situation required it. If he’d been able to embrace Lews Therin’s memories earlier, Rand would never have been fooled so easily by her in the Waste.
"Then I shall address you not as a damsel in need of a hero", Lanfear said, eyeing him as he walked around her prison, "but as an equal, seeking asylum".
"An equal?" Rand said, laughing. "Since when have you ever considered anyone your equal, Mierin?"
"You care nothing for my captivity?"
"It pains me", Rand said, "but no more than it pained me when you swore yourself to the Shadow. Did you know I was there, when you revealed it? You did not see me, as I did not want to be seen, but I was watching. Light, Mierin, you swore to kill me".
"Did I mean it?" she asked, turning to look him in the eyes.
Had she? . . . No, she had not meant it. Not then. Lanfear did not kill people that she thought would be useful, and she had always considered him useful.
"We shared something special, once", she said. "You were my—"
"I was an ornament to you!" Rand snapped. He breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. Light, but it was hard around her. "The past is done. I care nothing for it, and would gladly give you a second chance at the Light.
"Unfortunately, I know you. You’re just doing it again. Playing us all, including the Dark One himself. You care nothing for the Light. You care only for power, Mierin. You honestly want me to believe that you’ve changed?"
"You do not know me so well as you think that you do", she said, watching him as he rounded the perimeter of her prison. "You never did".
"Then prove it to me", Rand said, stopping. "Show me your mind, Mierin. Open it to me completely. Give me control over you here, in this place of mastered dreams. If your intentions are pure, I will free you".
"What you ask is forbidden".
Rand laughed. "When has that ever stopped you?"
She seemed to consider it; she must actually have been worried about her imprisonment. Once, she would have laughed at a suggestion such as this. Since this was, ostensibly, a place where he had complete control, if she gave him leave, he could strip her down, delve within her mind.
"I . . ". Lanfear said.
He stepped forward, right to the lip of the prison. That tremble in her voice . . . that felt real. The first genuine emotion from her.
Light, he thought, searching her eyes. Is she actually going to do it?
"I cannot", she said. "I cannot". She said it the second time more softly. Rand exhaled. He found his hand shaking. So close. So close to the Light, like a feral cat in the night, stalking back and forth before the fire-lit barn! He found himself angry, angrier than before. Always, she did this! Flirting with what was right, but always choosing her own path.
"I am done with you, Mierin", Rand said, turning away and walking from the chamber. "Forever".
"You mistake me!" she called out. "You have always mistaken me! Would you show yourself to someone in that way? I cannot do it. I have been slapped too many times by those I should have trusted. Betrayed by those who should have loved me".
"You blame this on me?" Rand asked, spinning on his heel.
She did not look away. She sat, imperious, as if her prison were a throne. "You really remember it that way, don’t you?" Rand said. "You think I betrayed you for her?"
"You said that you loved me".
"I never said that. Never. I could not. I did not know what love was. Centuries of life, and I never discovered it until I met her". He hesitated, then continued, speaking so softly his voice did not echo in the small cavern. "You have never really felt it, have you? But of course. Who could you love? Your heart is claimed already, by the power you so strongly desire. There is no room left".
Rand let go.
He let go as Lews Therin never had been able to. Even after discovering Ilyena, even after realizing how Lanfear had used him, he had held on to hatred and scorn. You expect me to pity you? Rand had asked her.
He now felt just that. Pity for a woman who had never known love, a woman who would not let herself know it. Pity for a woman who could not choose a side other than her own.
"I . . ". she said softly.
Rand raised his hand, and then he opened himself to her. His intentions, his mind, his self appeared as a swirl of color, emotions and power around him.
Her eyes opened wide as the swirl played before her, like pictures on a wall. He could hold nothing back. She saw his motives, his desires, his wishes for mankind. She saw his intentions. To go to Shayol Ghul, to kill the Dark One. To leave a better world than he had the last time.
He did not fear revealing these things. He had touched the True Power, and so the Dark One knew his heart. There were no surprises here, at least nothing that should have been a surprise.
Lanfear was surprised anyway. Her jaw dropped as she saw the truth—the truth that, down deep, it was not Lews Therin who made up Rand's core. It was the sheepherder, raised by Tam. His lives played out in moments, his memories and feelings exposed.
Last, he showed her his love for Ilyena—like a glowing crystal, set upon a shelf and admired. Then his love for Min, Aviendha, Elayne. Like a burning bonfire, warming, comforting, passionate.
There was no love for Lanfear in what he exposed. Not a sliver. He had squelched Lews Therin's loathing of her as well. And so, to him, she really was nothing.
She gasped.
The glow around Rand faded. "I’m sorry", he said. "I really did mean it. I am finished with you, Mierin. Keep your head down during the storm to come. If I win this fight, you will no longer have reason to fear for your soul. There will be no one left to torment you".
He turned from her again, and walked from the cave, leaving her silent.
Evening in the Braem Wood was accompanied by the scent of fires smoldering in their pits and the sounds of men groaning softly as they settled into uneasy sleep, swords ready at hand. An unnatural chill to the summer air.
Perrin walked through the camp, among the men under his command.
The fighting had been hard in these woods. His people were hurting the Trollocs, but Light, there always seemed to be more Shadowspawn to replace those that fell.
After seeing that his people were properly fed, that the watch had been set and the men knew what to do if awakened in the night by an assault of Shadowspawn, he went seeking the Aiel. The Wise Ones in particular. Nearly all of them had gathered to go with Rand when he marched on Shayol Ghul—for now, they waited his order—but a few had remained with Perrin, including Edarra.
She and the other Wise Ones did not march at his command. And yet, like Gaul, they stayed with him when their fellows went elsewhere. Perrin had not asked them why. He didn’t really care why. Having them with him was useful, and he was grateful.
The Aiel let him pass their perimeter. He found Edarra sitting beside a fire, well rimmed with stones to prevent the chance of a stray spark escaping. These woods, dry as they were, could go up easier than a barn full of last harvests hay.
She glanced at Perrin as he settled down near her. The Aiel looked young but smelled of patience, inquisitiveness and control. Wisdom. She did not ask why Perrin had come to her. She waited for him to speak.
"Are you a dreamwalker?" Perrin asked.
She studied him in the night; he had the distinct impression this was not a question a man—or an outsider—was supposed to ask.
He was surprised, then, when she answered.
"No"
"Do you know much of it?" Perrin asked.
"Some".
"I need to know of a way to enter the World of Dreams physically. Not just in my dreams, but in my real body. Have you heard of such a thing?"
She inhaled sharply. "Do not think of that, Perrin Aybara. It is evil".
Perrin frowned. Strength in the wolf dream—in Tel’aran’rhiod—was a delicate thing. The more strongly Perrin put himself into the dream—the more solidly there he was—the easier he found it to change things there, manipulate that world.
That came at a risk, however. Going into the dream too strongly, he risked cutting himself off from his sleeping body in the real world.
That apparently didn’t bother Slayer. Slayer was strong there, so very strong; the man was in the dream physically. Perrin was increasingly sure of it.