Um, no, not real y, I said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. This was the first time Charles and Id had a one on one conversation and it looked like it was going to be a heavy one, not that you could expect anything but heavy coming from Chancel or Charles Hayward.
One side of his mouth inched up. I was an older version of Joseph in my Mortality, he stated, while I struggled to imagine a beaming, happy to the point of annoying Charles. I couldnt do it. But as you know, that man is no longer. Going through something like that changes a man into a completely different person. I no longer use my heart to guide me, but my mind. I turned to reason and science and statistics . . . anything, just so long as I didnt have to let something into my heart again. He reached for a photo of Wil iam and me resting on my dresser, fingering over his sons peaceful face. Thats why Ive been so successful in moving my way up the Immortal Council ladder and so unsuccessful with growing my relationships with my sons. Its something Im not proud of, he said, placing the frame back in its place.
I shifted on the bed. This was a side to Charles Id never seen, never expected existed, but the emotion that was rol ing off of him was similar in quantity and intensity to Wil iams.
I cant even imagine what Catherine would say if she were here. He shook his head before settling into a sad smile. She did everything by heart.
Everything. She used to tel me letting your mind rule your life was like accepting an early death. Shed remind me that a mind would never permit you to waste away an entire day laying beneath a cloudless summer sky or indulge in lemon meringue to the point of corset-bursting”he threw a chagrined look my way”her words, not mine . . . or run away with the poor blacksmiths son when she was expected to marry the son of the king of cotton at the time.
She sounds amazing, I said, enraptured by the picture of Catherine Hayward that was being painted for me. The woman had birthed the man I loved, so, if by technicality alone, I had to love her.
Yes, she was. I loved that woman in that desperate, al -consuming, she-could-break-me-with-one-word, way. His eyes clouded to another moment, lost in his memories. Id forgotten how that kind of love felt . . . until I saw you and Wil iam together.
Given everything hed just said of him and Catherine, I guessed it was the highest compliment he could give. I felt honored, but stil a little awkward at this emotional, nostalgic Charles in front of me.
My son had been broken more than Id ever seen another man after the girls died and the guilt he felt in their absence and I knew when you entered each others lives hed opened himself to be broken again. I knew, given everything about his situation and your situation”he didnt need to specify, we were on the same page with Wil iam and my situations”that the road before you would be rocky and ultimately would end badly.
I looked out the window, wishing Wil iam were here with me to provide some moral support or a comforting set of arms. Anything that could help dul the sting of Charles words.
I wanted to protect him from that, from breaking past the fixing point. I tried so very hard, but heres what someone forced me to remember a couple days back. He looked at me, forcing my eyes to focus on his. Even if I would have known Catherine would be murdered just feet away from me in a tree our children used to swing from, and Id have to go on for an eternity without her, that wouldnt have changed my mind that day I decided to exchange vows with her.
Emotion was something I tried to keep in check with Charles around, but his comfort at showing his to me made returning the favor easier than anticipated. I didnt hold the tears back like I preferred to. I let them run down my face, untouched.
I remember that love, I get it now, he whispered, smiling. I know we havent seen eye-to-eye on a lot of things, and probably stil wont, but I see your heart now. And as Catherine would say, thats al the matters anyways. He patted my hand resting over the mattress before heading towards the door.
Who do I have to thank for reminding you? I cal ed out to him, stil dumbfounded.
His pace didnt slow as he answered over his shoulder, Patrick.
That was the last name I was expecting and something about knowing that Patrick played a pivotal role in aiding Wil iams and my Betrothal”setting his own feelings aside”made my heart ache.
CHAPTER TEN
ADRENALINE JUNKIES
IM GOING TO DI I I I IE!!!
It was the only thing that came to mind as my body rocketed through the air straight for the rocky coast below. My cheeks were flapping, my insides were churning, and my survival instinct was at its peak limits”Id never expected gravity to be such a violent natural phenomenon.
You cant die, at least not this way, Coras voice came through my earpiece like she was taking part in nothing more lethal than shuffle board. But you better pul that parachute in about three seconds or else youl look like a pancake walking down the aisle.
I didnt wait three seconds. I reached for the chute chord the next instant, pul ing it so hard Im lucky it didnt separate from the yards of silk that were the only thing keeping me from becoming a pancake, as Cora had so put it. My body whipped back in the dusky night air, making my free fal the couple minutes prior seem tranquil in comparison.
Stil kickin there, kil er? Coras smug voice entered my ear.
Il let you know once my feet are firmly back on solid ground, I mumbled back. And by the way, next time either of you think about a girls getaway, count me out.
Oh, quit being such a baby, Cora said, at the same time an elbow weaved through mine as effortlessly as if we were strol ing down the sidewalk, not thousands of feet floating through the air.
Shes right, take a break from reprimanding us for our idea of fun to just enjoy the view, Abigails voice came through my earpiece next, as my other arm was snagged by another elbow.
The least you could have done was give me a little warning, I said, looking side-to-side at the Hayward girls. Id mental y prepared myself for a spa weekend of torture or scrapbooking until I wanted to poke my eyebal s out or . . . I fumbled for the right words, or anything other than street-luging, sand-boarding, and last, but certainly not least, sky-diving.
They both giggled in unison, like the whole thing was just too cute. A girl who could have happily spent her life on a steady to non-existent stream of adrenaline fal ing through the air with two girls that were the definition of indoor girls”or so Id thought until today”grumbling and glaring her way through thousands of feet of air.
So heres the life lesson, we saved the best for last, Cora began, glancing at Abigail to take over.
So up here, theres nothing but raw emotion, raw physicality. Your heads not in the clouds and your feet arent cemented to the ground, youre right in between.
Let me guess, this is going to be another one of those ˜balance is the best thing since sliced bread Immortal metaphors, isnt it? I asked humorlessly.
Thats it, Cora said with such exasperation I could hear the eye rol in her voice. Im cutting your parachute. Youl make a lovely pancake bride.
I elbowed her, taking my lemons and making lemonade of this whole elbow-weaving, girl bonding thing.
Our point is, Abigail continued, unaffected by neither Cora nor myself, that what you feel here, in the in-between, is what is real. Youre not so bogged down in the details of the street-view or so preoccupied with looking to the sky, that what you feel”what you know here”is what is real.
Okay, I annunciated, opening my mind to the mental rubix-cube, that wasnt what I was expecting you to say, but that mind bender just elevated you to wicked smart status, Abigail.
Why, thank you, she lilted as Cora grumbled something about it being her idea. So what do you know?
It was the vaguest and most pointed question Id ever been asked. Truly mind-boggling and I wasnt sure how to get it al out. I know I love Wil iam, I began, that the very first thing that was at the tip of my mind.
See, easy as that? Abigail said, pleased. What else?
I love you guys, I said, before mumbling, despite you trying to end me today.
More giggling from the two adrenaline junkies on either side of me.
I love Joseph, Nathanial and . . . My voice choked around the name before I could say it, . . . and Patrick. And Paul, too. Clearing my throat, I added, and Im growing to love Charles now, I think.
Wow, Cora blew out a breath, now thats progress.
Zip it, Cor, Abigail demanded. Bryns on a rol . Shouldering me, she asked. What else?
There were about a thousand other things that were fighting to emerge, everything from wishing my gift was something else, to Paul and Patrick finding amazing women they would worship, to my thirst for revenge on John Townsend and his brood of Inheritors. There was my favorite flavor of ice cream, the way I missed weekends at the pier with my mom and dad, and the way Wil iam made me feel secure in a way Id never known. There was everything, but when I let myself get lost in the moment, taking in nothing other than the unattached, uninhibited shot of life that was pumping through my veins, there was just one thing left.
One simple thing.
I would do absolutely anything for those of you I love, I whispered, as this air of clarity settled around me. Life seemed so much more simple now that Id set aside the pesky details that blocked my view of the truth of what I knew. Yet even at this, I knew it was simple to say and difficult to execute. But this was my truth and I wouldnt betray it to the best of my ability.
I knew it, Abigail breathed. Youve got a heart of gold and the soul of saint . . . despite that surly demeanor you like to hide them behind.
Pretty amazing, isnt it? Cora said. Thats al there is when you boil away the rest”love. Unconditional freakin love.
Wow, how nicely put, I said with sarcasm, feeling the calmest Id felt in . . . wel . . . ever. It was like the skies had cleared and Id final y found my north star and nothing could derail me from my path. I owed the girls big time for this revelation and I also knew, no matter what the boys had planned for the weekend, Cora had won the bet and Id be walking down the aisle in whatever monstrosity of a gown she selected.
Oh wel , it had been worth it.
Ooo! Cora exclaimed, pointing. Theres our place. Man, were good.
The black ocean thundered into the miles of sandy shore in Pacific City where wed be spending the next couple of nights in the Haywards beach getaway. Id assumed the boys would be using it given their surfing addictions that trended towards unhealthy, but Cora and Abigail had assured me they were in search of none other than the Big Kahuna. I wasnt sure if that meant somewhere farther down the coast or hitting up Hawaiis North Shore, but I guessed since Patrick had initiated and planned it, nothing and no where were off limits.
It real y is beautiful, I al owed, taking in the scene below me and, perhaps my impression of it had improved given my recent updates to my overal outlook, but Cape Kiwanda from thousands of feet above was a sight to behold.
Enjoy it while you can because the last grains of sand are trickling through the hour glass, Cora said. You remember what we told you about making a running motion in the air when youre coming in for landing?
Yeah? I asked, the relief from my nervousness coming to an abrupt end.
Good, Cora said with a head nod. Time to start, track star.
I didnt respond, I was frozen in the moment, certain there were stil minutes or precious seconds where we could ward off the inevitable return to earth.
Like now, Bryn who yel ed at us for trying to kil her whos now going to come near to taking care of it for us! Cora yel ed, punching my arm.