“I imagine you’ll work it out. You should, anyway. You seem well suited for one another. She loves you, but I think you two can’t really see one another without your guilt getting in the way. You need to get rid of it.”
Todd’s jaw flexed in a smile. She could tell from his drooping eyelids he was getting sleepy. Probably pain meds kicking in. “I’ll work on it.”
“Good.” She adjusted her purse strap on her shoulder. “I should get going. I wish you the best in everything, Todd.”
“You, too. Kelsey? You look beautiful.”
She gaped for a moment. For all his praise in the beginning of their relationship, she’d hardly heard those words throughout their marriage. “You did take quite a hit on the head, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, I think it knocked some sense into me.”
She laughed, moving toward the door. “Well, let’s hope that’s the case.”
And as luck would have it—her luck lately, at least—she came face-to-face with Courtney in the hall outside the elevator. She almost had to chuckle at the way Courtney’s eyes rounded and her body seemed to go on full alert, as if anticipating a physical attack. The Styrofoam coffee cup in her hand shook visibly.
A few months ago, she might’ve had cause to worry. For the first time since finding the other woman in bed with her husband, Kelsey offered her a big smile. She swept her arm in the direction of Todd’s hospital room.
“He’s all yours.”
Chapter Eleven
Evan burst through his office door like a whirlwind, tossing down his briefcase and shedding the jacket that was stifling him. It took every ounce of self-control he could muster not to slam the door behind him, but that might incite a parade of staff members asking if everything was all right. They were a close-knit bunch, sometimes too much so. He’d already been an ass to his assistant this morning, prompting her to ask him if he needed another week off. He only wanted to start the previous one over…the good parts, at least.
Finally in the silence and solitude of his office, he took a breath and stared at the bleak scene beyond his tall, narrow second-floor windows. Rain drooled down the glass, and the sky was leaden and dismally gray. Matched his thoughts perfectly. It was one of those days he’d told Kelsey about, when it had taken everything he had to walk into that courtroom.
Today was shaping up to be a nightmare, and he didn’t know if the judge was really riding his ass that hard or if it was just that he was ready to snap. Or if it was that Kelsey had been sitting across the room, the weight of her gaze following his every move.
Normally her court attire was conservative and demure and, while nothing she was wearing today was revealing at all, something about the way her black skirt clung to her ass had his blood boiling. Whenever she walked up to the court clerk, he wanted to jump up and thrash every bastard in the room for daring to watch her.
But how could he blame them? Her skirt, her pumps accentuating every muscle in her calves, her hair cascading in gorgeous spirals down her back… A man would’ve been out of his mind not to look. And he could swear the bewitching glow of a woman well f**ked still lingered in her face. She looked amazing while he had hardly slept for two days and it showed. The judge had probably taken one look at the dark smudges under his eyes and concluded he’d been on a bender all weekend. This wasn’t how his fantasy was supposed to play out, not at all.
He’d wanted to call her. The thought of her at the hospital, sitting at Todd’s bedside holding his hand had stopped him dead. That man had already made a fool of him once, he’d be damned before he’d willingly go and let him do it again.
His desk phone gave a shrill chirp, slicing through the tumult of his thoughts. He should’ve told Delilah to hold his calls. Court didn’t resume for another two hours and he needed them to recuperate. He was off his game. Dammit, he was never off his game.
Dropping heavily into his chair, he stabbed the intercom button. “Yeah.”
“Kelsey’s here to see you.”
Fuck. The last thing he needed was her in here spewing apologies or excuses or whatever she had in mind. He crammed the heels of his hands into his eyes, fighting the urge to growl out loud.
“Evan?”
“Send her in.”
He sounds horrible.
Kelsey watched as Delilah frowned down at the phone on her desk. “I really don’t know what’s gotten into him today. After a week in Hawaii, you’d think he’d have mellowed out.”
“Withdrawals, maybe,” Kelsey said, striving for cheerfulness. “I mean, you get a week on the beach and then you have to come back to this place on a rainy Monday? That would give anyone the blahs.”
Delilah nodded and laughed, then leaned forward conspiratorially, speaking in hushed tones. “Hey, you would know. Who did he go with? We’ve decided it was a woman because he never would say.”
God, she should have suspected the tongues were wagging. Delilah’s, especially. She was the gossip of the courthouse, on top of all the scandals. Kelsey feigned innocence, cocking her head to one side as if contemplating the matter. Hopefully none of the DA’s staff knew Kelsey had been off last week, too, or they might put two and two together. But did she really care anymore? “Hmm, must be really top secret.”
“Must be, if he didn’t tell you. Anyway, you can go on back. You know where his office is, right?”
“Yeah.”
Left on her own again, her courage nearly failed her. If he still maintained that distance, she didn’t know what she would do. Oh, God. What if she could never bridge it? What if that terrible politeness—or if this morning was any indication, outright hostility—would be the extent of their relationship from now on? She clutched the file she was carrying to her chest like a shield as she navigated the hallways.
His office was down the first hall to the right, second door on the left, and it was closed. Holding her breath, she tapped on it, bracing herself for a brusque reply. But Evan only sounded defeated when he mumbled for her to come in.
It crushed her. Her easy-going, roll-with-it Evan had been replaced with a man who looked tense and unhappy, and it was her fault. She slipped inside the door to find him at his desk, every iota of his attention focused on the laptop in front of him. The glare of it caught in his reading glasses, and for all his brooding, he was sexy as hell. She doubted there was anything on that screen that had him looking so intense. He was just avoiding meeting her eyes. She closed the door behind her.
“Hi,” she said. Finally he raised his head, and she would have been relieved when he smiled, but it looked forced. Like everything else about him.
“Hey, there. Did Jack send you over to gloat about his petty victories?” He winked as he said it, but it was true that he’d had a hard morning. The judge had shot down almost every objection he’d thrown out there, and as time pressed on Evan’s frustration had been evident. But she’d seem him handle far, far worse than that, had seen him shake it off like it was nothing and laugh about it later.
Standing here now, she couldn’t quite get rid of the ridiculous feeling that he was the authority figure behind his massive, imposing desk, and she the shamed underling pleading her case. No begging, she ordered herself. Have some damn dignity. “No, of course not,” she said. “I wanted to see you.”
She stepped farther inside the room, feeling self-conscious despite herself as his gaze swept her up and down. Of all times, she thought about the naughty things he’d said about hav**g s*x in here, and her cheeks began to heat up. “I’m sorry for what I said at the hospital. I just…wasn’t prepared to answer questions about us yet. It’s all so new. And we haven’t exactly discussed where this is going.”
He pulled off his glasses and tossed them on the desk. “I thought it was pretty damn apparent where it was going.”
“It went to the bedroom. I didn’t know if it was coming home with us, or if it was a ‘what happens in Waikiki…’ thing.” His office was spacious, and neat as always. His law degree was elaborately matted and framed on the wall behind him. Pictures of his family adorned the shelves. It struck her then, perhaps more than ever before, just how much she wanted to be a fixture in his world. The wound in her heart yawned wide at the thought that she’d utterly mucked up her chance. “After what happened to me, I need something concrete. I need it laid out in black and white what’s going on, because I’m not going to take the risk of sparking off yet another scandal in my life by speculating in front of a roomful of people. Can you understand that?”
“All right, we should’ve talked openly about it. Point taken. But I wasn’t too keen on making any declarations of love and devotion while you’re obviously still upset about your ex.”
Love?
“No, no,” she said, trying to hide her desperation as she dropped into the chair on the other side of the desk from him. She had to make him understand. “I’m not upset about him.”
“The opposite of love is indifference, and you’re not indifferent to Todd. You’re still mad as hell.”
“Mad at what he did to me, to my life. I saw him yesterday, and I feel nothing whatsoever for him, even when he’s lying broken in that hospital bed. I hope he heals, I wish him the best, but…honestly, you have to believe me. I’m putting it all behind me. I told him that.”
“You did? You said those exact words?”
“I told him this was the last time he would cause me heartache or turn my life upside down. I guess I just needed to get those words out, you know? I just needed…closure. I never could get it before.” She looked him in the eyes. “He knows where you and I have been. He wanted you to know he misses you, and wanted me to thank you for everything you’ve done. It felt pretty damn good, getting all that out there. Like I’m…free.”
“Then I’m proud of you,” he said, sincerity in the words. His expression had softened when she told him what Todd said about him. But his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Do you not believe me?” she asked miserably.
“I just don’t think it’s been put to the test yet.” He sighed. “What happens the next time we’re away and he needs you for whatever reason?”
“Nothing. I told you Sandra—”
“I know what you told me, but is Sandra really the reason you flew three thousand miles to be here when he got hurt? Or was it that you got scared and jumped at the first opportunity to run away from me and back to the familiar?”
She just stared at him. It was probably the closest thing to the truth in existence, insane as it sounded, and she hadn’t even thought of it herself.
He went on. “I didn’t mean to scare you. And I want Todd to be all right, don’t get me wrong. I’m trying not to be a jealous a**hole about it. But I did lose one girl to the guy and this…it just wasn’t cool. It exacerbated all this other stuff I’ve been stewing over all week.”